I am nothing but a ball of rage and anger

[crimsonshrouds]

Spoiler: a lot of words

I try to be a very nice person but im not very good with relationships i guess... My last relationship was going to flop from the get go because the girl i had been dating aparently was too afraid that id hurt her.

She went through a lot of bad relationships so i didnt expect much, hell their were very few things she could do upset me. One of those things is ignore how i feel...

My first huge sign that i fucking ignored was a reacurring theme that happened in the last relationship which i still have a dagger in the back from. Their wasnt a date or time we hung out at the begining where her ex wouldnt be brought up... Do you see where im freaking going with this?

She complained about him texting and calling while we were together and instead of ignoring the asshole she would pick up or text him back. I even told her that if she would stop answering him he would go away. Everytime she answered gave him more hope that she would come running back to him. (I found out later on that the exact reason she wouldnt lose touch with him was because she didnt think her realationship with me wouldnt end well. she was comfortable with a guy she claims she hated more than me?)

Me being stupid thought maybe she would like me enough that she would forget about him but oh no she was attached to his fucking kid. Yea her ex was 33 and had a kid and she was 21 and im 22... Finally and i mean finally i drove her up and she picked up her stuff.

Well i guess i let my guard down for too long and the guy walked back into the picture as a 'friend.'

Yea this is when our big first fight happened yep. One day im taking my lunch at kfc (i like their snackers) and she calls and tells me she is coming over... she pulls up in her ex's truck with him in the passenger seat. Im at a loss as to what to say at that time and later on i was ready to break up with her. She pulls up with her ex who had told her that if he saw me in the city he lives in that him and his friends were gonna kill me. Then im just talking to him and her while my head is screaming wtf?

Well we made up because... i thought maybe she would change.

Well we had two more fights the last one being when i broke up with her. all those fights came from her not stopping to think if her actions would hurt me...

Now i tried staying friends because we talked out and i thought maybe we could give it another chance but... As soon as i broke up with her not even two nights later she slept with her ex... WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I FUCKING DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!? A guy she says she hates Gets to have sex with her and she wouldnt fucking hardly touch me!!!! She got agitated because i wanted to make out with her while we dated. IM FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT!!!!! I Saw some good in her and now i cant help but feel like ive been used this entire fucking time.
I wasted a lot of time, effort, and money on this relationship and what have i gained from it? A hollow feeling and a lot of anger and rage.

Well my question is would you stay friends with your last ex while dating and would you answer his phone calls or texts while hanging out with your newest "partner"?

 

[Lavi]

Don't be a sucker? No good female brings up an ex on a date. EVAH. This is like, a rule.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

Don't be a sucker? No good female brings up an ex on a date. EVAH. This is like, a rule.

im an idiot and a fool.

 

[scorptatious]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, I've never been in an official relationship, but if I was, I'd probably either stay friends, or cut off all ties with her. Depending on how bad the relationship was. I definitely wouldn't answer her while I was with someone else I'm interested in, as that would only make things awkward between the three of us.

 

[.No.]

Well, at least you're not still in a relationship with her. It seems like a good thing that you're not, partially because she always expected the relationship to fail. That thought made it nigh impossible for it to actually work. You should try to get over it, because (cliche, I know) life goes on.

 

[Jedoro]

I would stay friends, but time with my significant other is important. Everyone gets an "I'll get back to you."

Don't beat yourself up, man. Good judgment comes from experience, which comes from bad judgment.

 

[zolo357]

Sorry that happened to you dude. Don't let this put you off dating though. That girl has done you wrong but now you have the opportunity to start a healthier and happy relationship with someone else. But vent frustration now before you start dating, prospective companions may be repelled otherwise

 

[crimsonshrouds]

Sorry that happened to you dude. Don't let this put you off dating though. That girl has done you wrong but now you have the opportunity to start a healthier and happy relationship with someone else. But vent frustration now before you start dating, prospective companions may be repelled otherwise

you know once i get my books and DS back from her i will be happier. thats all i can say.

 

[Rylot]

Ouch, that's a pisser. it hurts and sucks but at least you didn't spend anymore time with her. It just means someone better is waiting for you. I really don't ever bother staying close with anyone I've dated, too many bad feelings.

 

[Terminal Blue]

To be fair, it seems she did give quite serious signs of not being over her ex which you could have picked up on. I doubt she ever 'hated' him, it sounds more like she was just angry and/or resented her feelings for him rather than genuinely hated him.

And yeah, breaking up with people makes them have sex with people they otherwise wouldn't. That's called a rebound.

It also sounds like your jealousy put a wedge in things on more than one occasion. I don't mean to beat you down over that, but I know from experience that acting insecure and possessive can very easily push someone away.

Finally, sex is weird. I don't know where our culture gets the expectation that it will be in any way predictable or controllable, but saying there should be some kind of logic to who she wants to fuck at any given moment is a bit silly, because let's face it, if you'd just been dumped and someone you were clearly attracted to came and offered consequence free affection wouldn't you be tempted? Incidentally, how did you find out she slept with her ex in the first place if you'd broken up?

And yes, I do answer phone calls from ex partners. Maybe not on dates, that would be a bit harsh, but there comes a point where you expect your current partner(s) to be comfortable with you, and that includes being comfortable with the fact that you've had sex with other people and that you get on with them.

I'm not saying it's all your fault, just don't fly off in a rage. Look at what you could have done differently, learn from it and move on. By the sounds of it, however bad you are at that you're probably better than her. But getting all bitter and persecuted will only lead to you developing a bad attitude in future relationships and probably getting into a similar situation.

 

[loc978]

At the risk of being "that guy"... it's all a game anyway. People want who and what they want, and other people can only rarely change that. Among people who bother playing the dating game, those I've observed who are the most successful are the ones who don't get attached, and aren't afraid to move on when things go south... and that's why dating isn't a good idea for someone who is looking for a long-term relationship, someone who actually wants to find someone to share their life with as opposed to just a few good times and maybe some sex.

In a sense, there is a "right one" for you out there, though it's more a matter of compatibility that encompasses a significant portion of the population being "right" material... so don't give up, just... maybe think about other methods of finding a partner.
Personally, I've never been on a date... but I've had a lot of sex, and I've been shacked up with my current girlfriend for a year now. All without ever "asking anyone out".

 

[crimsonshrouds]

To be fair, it seems she did give quite serious signs of not being over her ex which you could have picked up on. I doubt she ever 'hated' him, it sounds more like she was just angry and/or resented her feelings for him rather than genuinely hated him.

And yeah, breaking up with people makes them have sex with people they otherwise wouldn't. That's called a rebound.

It also sounds like your jealousy put a wedge in things on more than one occasion. I don't mean to beat you down over that, but I know from experience that acting insecure and possessive can very easily push someone away.

Finally, sex is weird. I don't know where our culture gets the expectation that it will be in any way predictable or controllable, but saying there should be some kind of logic to who she wants to fuck at any given moment is a bit silly, because let's face it, if you'd just been dumped and someone you were clearly attracted to came and offered consequence free affection wouldn't you be tempted? Incidentally, how did you find out she slept with her ex in the first place if you'd broken up?

And yes, I do answer phone calls from ex partners. Maybe not on dates, that would be a bit harsh, but there comes a point where you expect your current partner(s) to be comfortable with you, and that includes being comfortable with the fact that you've had sex with other people and that you get on with them.

I'm not saying it's all your fault, just don't fly off in a rage. Look at what you could have done differently, learn from it and move on. By the sounds of it, however bad you are at that you're probably better than her. But getting all bitter and persecuted will only lead to you developing a bad attitude in future relationships and probably getting into a similar situation.

The relationship was never about sex for me until i found out she had sex with her ex not two days after we broke up and we talked about being friends and giving it another shot again later. It makes me angry because I am jealous of what happened and am now ending this friendship.

I have been giving into this black hole of a relationship and have recieved absolutely nothing but anger from it. I was looking for a longterm relation ship and she cant fucking decide what she wants.

 

[MetaMuffin]

Sorry man. Hoes gonna be hoes, she played you. Just take it as a lesson learned, don't put up with bullshit like that. You gotta put your foot down sometimes and always be a little cautious until you can fully trust someone. I thought I could trust my girlfriend of 2 years, but she cheated with some guy who was "just a good friend". You gotta be able to sniff out fishy situations like that.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'm sorry my man, I know how you feel, it's just one of those cuts that will leave a nice manly scar to learn from.
And ya, your partner keeping steady contact with her ex is usually a sign to call it quits, but we don't really learn that until we see it and next time you will smell the bullshit a mile away

I don't keep in contact with my ex-es simply because I don't want to end up in some love triangle like this, there are always those dumb second guesses if you should go back to her and cutting all ties just keeps you from doing stupid things.
So for the love of sanity stay away from her.

 

[Wuggy]

I'm sorry, man. I've been in the same situation. Don't beat yourself up over not noticing the warning signs: relationships tend to shut down your rational thinking, especially in the start of the relationship.

When this happened to me, I cut all ties to her. I don't know if it was a good or bad thing to do, but it felt like the only option at the time.

 

[Farseer Lolotea]

Sounds like she's got some pretty severe issues. Ask yourself: is being involved with her really worth all of the drama (and occasional outright creepiness)?

 

[infohippie]

Sorry to hear that man, she was obviously not remotely over her ex. I don't think there's anything wrong with staying friends with an ex when you're in another relationship, but you don't keep in contact with him/her during a date with your new partner. That's just not cool.
And you definitely don't date someone else until you're completely over your last relationship, that just not fair to the other party.
Women, huh? Can't live with 'em, can't dig a six foot hole in the back yard.

 

[Smooth Operator]

In a sense, there is a "right one" for you out there, though it's more a matter of compatibility that encompasses a significant portion of the population being "right" material... so don't give up, just... maybe think about other methods of finding a partner.
Personally, I've never been on a date... but I've had a lot of sex, and I've been shacked up with my current girlfriend for a year now. All without ever "asking anyone out".

Well this sounds quite odd...
How do you get your girls then?
Van, rag, chloroform, ...?