We all went through this. Really. I remember being 21 and so utterly lost as to what to do and taking courses I hated and working crappy jobs. And being told I had to grow up, finish school (when I didn't even know what to do) and get a real job. It's tough. The younger generations (I'm meaning baby boomers and since) all of a sudden haven't had the "finish high school, get married, have a kid and have a stable job no matter the job to support the country" ethos flung on us because war time was over. Freedom kind of became a thing and many, many people have gone through this.
First, you need to have a sit-down with yourself and come to some decisions. Not "what do I want to do for the rest of my life" or anything like that. Fuck, I'm 30 and still don't know for sure.
Sit yourself down. What is it that makes you happy? Once you've got a list of things (not just one... video games, movies and such are fine. Camping trips, hiking, skateboarding, walking, baking, sitting in the sun... all those things. Whatever it is that you look forward to doing. Write them all down.
Then, more decisions. You need to then talk with your family. WHat are the rules on school and work? FOr example, after I graduated high school, the deal was if I was in school full time, I could live rent free. I paid for school myself. If I wasn't in school or only taking some classes, I had to pay rent. And if I wasn't in school full time, it was required for me to have a job. So I got jobs, went to classes, and paid rent. This still left me a lot of time to do what I enjoyed - don't think you're going to be doing nothing but working or schoolwork. You need to be able to at least partly pay your own way in life at 21.
Don't get down about what I just said. Talk it through with your family. Depression is a big thing. I was depressed at your age, too. I had many discussions with my family about how much rent was fair and how much time being a "kid" I was going to have. It's all give and take. We discussed how many hours I could take on at work and what my responsibilities around the home would be. Basically, we had a conversation between all the adults sharing the house. Yes, my parents still paid for part of me, and still did some of the housework, but I paid and cleaned and ran errands. You'll have to do this. It's part of growing up and will help you ease into full adulthood.
You'll have plenty of time to do all the things on your happy list. Don't worry. I have a full time job and my own home, so I don't get as much down time as I want as an adult. I miss being your age, but it's not so bad. I work 8-4 so I can get home and get some chores done and have a shower before I have to make dinner, so then I have the whole night to do what I want. It takes planning, but free time still exists.
Maybe you need to look into trades instead or university. ... No maybe about it, really. When I was teaching (and because it was put on me too), kids are told university is the be all and end all, and taking up a trade is for losers. This is not true. At all. I have actually gone around and talked to people my age (dozens of people), and more than half of us wish we hadn't gone to university. We wish we'd taken up a trade. Schooling is much shorter, there are paid internships and you make better money right out of the gate. Look for technical colleges, vocational schools, and such where you live. See if there's anything listed in those you'd like. Go through your happy list when you research every job.
And actually research every job. I did. I was 24 and as lost as you. I was done trying to sit through university classes, so I looked at a college here in the city. I saw the job Library Technician listed. Hey, I thought, I like books! ... And then I read about what the job actually is. What do I do? Yes, I work in a library and order books. DO I ever get to read them? No. I'm too busy working with people, doing research on any topic you can imagine, working with old machinery, working with computers. Teaching people various things. Programming databases. Creating digital media. Developing websites. Scanning and photographing and repairing books over a hundred years old (and older). Developing policies, working with the media as they research and film things for newscasts or documentaries. Having the library turned into movie sets. Working on spreadsheets and writing letters and creating powerpoints and designing posters. Going to seminars. ... ... Never do I get to sit at a desk and read a book while I wait for someone to come check out a book or ask me a question. No one would think a librarian does that, and that's only my job. There is so much more to it as well. Moral? Research each and every job. You'll find what you want to do. Just don't look at the job title and think you know what you'll be doing.
Long story short... do what the others have said and don't try and see your life for the next 60 years. Don't even try for the next 6 months. Make small plans and carry them through. In no particular order at all. THis is just some little things to focus on so the big picture doesn't drown you.
1. Make happy list.
2. Break down happy list into what you enjoy about each.
2. Talk to family. (This will be many discussions, break it down however you want. Rent. School. Chores. Expectations. Car access. Whatever else you can think of. Don't put it on them all at once. One thing at a time. And take your time.)
3. Put together list of schools in city. AND/OR start working on your resume.
4. Look through course offerings online and/or apply to some jobs as discussed with family.
5. Make plans with friends.
6. Take a day for yourself.
7. Go to a job fair/college fair type thing.
8. Ask people online what they do and why they enjoy it. (AskReddit is great for this kind of thing.)
9. Take a hobby to the next level - start creating things out of something you enjoy.
10. Talk to friends - ask what they want to do. Then ask what they are doing instead. Discuss.
11. Find someone you can openly talk to. Pastor, therapist, grandparent, friend's parent, aunt, uncle, neighbour... someone on the outside/periphery of your life who can offer insight.
12. Spend some time watching what people really do when you're out. What is that store clerk really doing? Why are they doing it that way? What aren't you seeing that may be going on? Where did that merchandise come from? Someone had to buy it... is the store a chain? Is there a buyer for the whole company, or would the manager be selecting product? Those kind of questions can help you decide if you'd want to work somewhere and make you realize there are so many other things going on behind the scenes.
13. Look into job shadowing or volunteering. Or at university, look into sitting in on classes to see if you like the topic and the teacher.
14. Maybe... you have family in another city you could stay with for a while. Maybe there's a school out there, or a better job market.
15. Maybe a friend has an apartment and you want to try living away from family. THis requires a job, and making sure your family will have you back if you try it out and don't like it.
You're young - you have lots of time to do things. What you need to be doing now is trying things though. You can't sit at home on the computer all day anymore. Get out there and try life on, one little thing at a time. You'll slowly discover what you like and what you don't like and everything will start to fall in to place.
