I feel lonely

[ParadoxQc]

I don't really know what to expect by writing this. Its just that I really feel bad and lonely... And I though that a forum where people like what I like may not be the worst place to talk about it.

So, here it is. Probably the first time I ever really talk about it.
I am a 18 years old male that was never in a relation with a girl. By that, I mean i never had a girlfriend. And it really starts to affect me. My thoughts are just making me crazy. I really want to meet a girl and make the first move but there is something wrong with me. I don't know how to approach someone, I am scared every time I meet someone. I am scared of women, scared of getting insulted. I don't know what to say when i am with someone i don't know. I want some attention from someone i can see and touch but I think I'm not worthy. I don't take care of myself, I almost never go out of my parents house. I don't have any real friends in the real world because I find everyone boring or i feel like i am the only one who love what i do and have no one to talk about my passion.

I don't expect people to go crying on this but I needed to talk about it somewhere. I probably didn't say all of what i wanted to say because I always forget something.

If you are still reading this, I want to Thank You.

 

[Volstag9]

I think that we all feel like this at some point. My track record with women isn't much better to be honest. I've certainly felt extremely lonely about it and plenty of other things in the past.

You are certainly not alone and talking about something will always help. You'll find that this forum is filled with good people.

 

[Sable Gear]

I'm in the same boat except I'm a 19-year-old female. Except I have no disire to "meet a guy" and it's not driving me crazy. I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

I blame society overall for forcing people into weird akward social situations called "Dating" but at the same time also idealizing the male as aloof and uninvolved- basically holding you back and yelling at you to run forward at the same time. You're fine, dude, you're fine. It'll work out.

 

[Lucyfer86]

I feel you, i'm somewhat in same situation, tho i've been in few relationships, they've all ended badly. Even so, i still find it hard (but not impossible!) to approach person that i would like to know better.

In the end it's all up to you to go out and meet people if you're really feeling that lonely. Professional help might be something to concider if you can't work it out by yourself.
...Ironic enough, i'm still here too, on a Saturday evening, sitting at my computer alone.

Not that my post has any help value, but just to let you know, you're not alone with that kind of feelings.

 

[Blue Hero]

I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm plenty happy. I've got two hands, TV, video games, a toaster, and a steady job. Maybe you should get some hands and a toaster too?

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Let me tell you that you will never, ever be the first or last "Forever Alone" lamentation I've heard anywhere. I've seen your story many times -- no relationship, no friends, maybe no job, and a will to never fix it.

And that's what bothers me, a will to never fix it.

I don't have this problem because I keep the following problems in mind,

1. Don't fear that everyone is judging you. Because they are.
2. If you ever meet a person and think 'there's no way they'll be my friend' and meet them a few times after that first encounter, they're probably going to be your friend.
3. Be yourself
4. Who's to say social interaction can't be online?

 

[WhyBotherToTry]

I've found myself in a similar situation lots of times. I've never had a girlfriend either, and every girl I ever liked rejected me. You said you're afraid of women and getting insulted. I know it's hard but you shouldn't worry about getting insulted. People who feel the need to insult others for no adequate reason aren't worth the time of day. Don't concern yourself with them. If you're having such negative thoughts, do try and talk to someone about it. I've been to a counsellor before about feelings like yours, and it really helped me. I'm not sure if this post was of any value, but just to let you know there are plenty of others who are in your situation, and there are loads of people who are more than willing to help.

 

[ParadoxQc]

Thanks a lot to all of you. I didnt expect to have so many responses in only a matter of a few minutes.

I know that people are always judging others, and i am fine with that. But i dont want it to be in my face, that is what i am really scared of. Someone laughing at me right in front of me. Im tired of this. And i got to admit i love solitude. I hate being with a group of people. But i want someone to share that solitude with (That sounds kinda weird saying it like that). I don't really want a "Girlfriend" per-say , its that i am always with other guys. I want a female friend. And i dont understand why its driving me crazy. Usually, I love being alone. And i know it will be "fixed" at some point, I just feel like its not near that point yet. I guess an online relation would be cool, i just need to find someone who is wants something similar

Again, thanks a lot to all the people who responded. I seriously didnt expect that.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Honestly, I don't even know how I ended up married. Growing up I was socially awkward, frumpy (to say the least), clumsy, and no guy ever seemed interested to the point of 'love'. The sob-story of never being asked to a school dance, and when you finally get the courage to ask someone that one time, they reject you in a belittling fashion; that's real, for me at least. I had been used in a relationship before and it was awful. When I had started hanging out with my Husband more, I hadn't been looking for love , or another relationship because I was still partially bitter and just felt dejected - I just wanted a friend who liked games like I did and I wanted someone to play with. We just kind of stuck together, and no matter our marital status, he's still my best friend. He's much more then a Husband. *Gag* Cheesy.

As for being 'happy', happiness is fleeting. If you consistently strive for constant happiness, you'll probably always be disappointed. I tend to like to use the word 'content' over 'happy'. You are young enough to change your life to a point of contentment and really find yourself and figure out who you are, get a hobby that will force you to make social interactions, get a job which definitely forces you to make social interactions, and then you'll be free enough to consider sharing your contentment - if you still want to after that. Relationships and/or marriage shouldn't be something you absolutely NEED to emotionally survive this world. After a period of time doing what you want, living how you please, really being yourself, etc. - you should sit down and really think about it. Whether the answer is, "You know,..I do want that." or "Nah, I don't think so." then awesome.

 

[JesterRaiin]

Cheer up man. For every girl/woman you're affraid of there's at least one that feels the same towards boys/men. You're not alone.

 

[RagTagBand]

Well you're just going to have to get off your lazy ass and do something about it then, aren't you? hm? I'm not going to pat you on the head and softly coo reassuring platitudes of "Oh people don't know what they're missing" or some shit because your situation is entirely of your own doing.

You have climbed into a freezer and are complaining that you are cold.
You are refusing food but complaining that you're hungry.
You are a self imposed shut-in complaining of being lonely.

You don't need to talk about your problem, there's nothing to talk about, the solution is as plain as the daylight you've been depriving yourself of. Sure there's some merit to the posters that will inevitably post (paraphrasing) "I know that feel, bro" but that really doesn't actually help anything. Though there is some irony to be had in people, essentially, saying "You're not lonely in your loneliness"

Don't think you're worthy of human interaction because you don't take care of yourself? SOLUTION - Get over yourself and start taking care of yourself. Go to the gym, go swimming, download a calorie counter app or visit a similar website, shower ETC. Taking care of yourself isn't hard, it should be a basic practice of human beings. Babies and Dogs might get away with rolling around in their own shit, but unfortunately you cannot.

Whilst we're on this "problem", A person is their own worst critic; Most people you meet will only give a shit that you don't stink. So while you might, and should, hold yourself to a higher standard, others are not quite as judgmental.

Scared when you meet someone new? Most people are. But you're hiding behind this excuse, instead of trying to move past it. Believe it or not, the fear of meeting "new person A" actually goes away once you've met them, it is your inaction that is dragging this fear out.

For example - I'm scared of spiders. When I see a spider I have two choices, I can do nothing and simply live in fear, attempt to flee the room but forever be paranoid of going back in...OR I can face it, remove it (usually through use of a heavy book) and just like that I've got nothing to fear. ACTION trumps INACTION, pretty much every time.

Now I could tackle "I find everyone boring" and "Nobody would ever find what I find interesting, interesting" but i've written enough already. Maybe someone else will tackle that, maybe you will tackle that, eh?

 

[tobi the good boy]

Why do so many people post about their relationship problems here? I don't mean to sound like a dick but ... This is a gaming website. If you really wanted a legitimate answer to your issues go to a website that specialises in relationship issues.

 

[Sampler]

Exactly how I felt when I was 18 - twelve years later it's all been good, had a handful of relationships, that first one really helped me get over those nerves - best thing I did was stop trying, then it happened.

Odd, but that's how I worked out of the same situation. You just need to come out of your shell a little..

 

[Kpt._Rob]

It kinda seems like you're just shooting yourself in the foot a bit here. Confidence, after all, is one of the most important things you can have if your'e looking for a relationship. There is no right or wrong way to approach someone. Hell, it doesn't even matter if you feel confident at all. Just pretend you do, and in time you will. And no, it's not gonna work out every time, you might get rejected some. That's something everyone has to deal with though. It's really unlikely that someone would actively insult you though. Most people are pretty kind, especially if you don't do the whole thing where you pretend you just want to be friends first.

So next time you like a girl, just pretend you're not afraid, and ask if she'd like to go for dinner and a movie. Assuming you haven't chosen to ask someone who's a total asshole (in which case you probably wouldn't want to date them anyways), the worst thing that can possibly happen is that they'll politely decline.

Incidentally, this is a time tested methodology. If it sounds too simple, it's because it is, so just do it!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

*Internet hug*

Trust me, I know how you feel. Things have changed for me but there was a period of time where relationships in my school were a dime a dozen and I felt like I was broken or something for not getting involved in it all.

 

[Gitty101]

The only was you're going to fix this problem is getting to know people. I understand where you're coming from, I too was like this when I was 18. But going to Uni changed that, mostly because I made the effort to be sociable. It's honestly not that bad once you get past the first barriers - don't fear rejection, try not to be afraid of social situations. You always have to take the first step.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[Exterminas]

The best move to meet a nice girl is to stop looking for one.

In the western culture most women are attracted to a certain confidence and dominance in a man. So being all desperate to finally get a girlfriend is a bad attitude to meet women.

Women are like sharks in that area, they can smell your fear.

So stop giving a shit and suddenly the women will be all over you.

 

[Brown Cap]

I think that we all feel like this at some point. My track record with women isn't much better to be honest. I've certainly felt extremely lonely about it and plenty of other things in the past.

You are certainly not alone and talking about something will always help. You'll find that this forum is filled with good people.

What This^ guy said.

I'd give you a bro hug if my computer let me. I'm in the same boat as you my man, I just keeping hoping college will make it all better (Haha, as if college could be a good thing)

 

[Kopikatsu]

If it makes you feel better, I'm 20 and I've never even been hug-hugged by anyone before. =x (I mean an actual hug and not one of those half second 'Hi thar' hugs). Also can't really go outside for longer than 20 minutes at a time due to being allergic to sunlight. (It's more of a hypersensitivity reaction than an allergy, but meh).

Here's my question, OP. Why do you want a girlfriend? Because if it's just 'Something people do' or some such, fill that void with more video games! Is what I do.