I need some opinions, do I have a serious problem? My parents are getting a little worried.

[Solo Wing Pixy]

Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone. I'm a new to this forum and I was wondering if you all could give me some feedback.

Um, well I'm a boy who just recently turned 23 and will soon graduate from my university in the spring. Up until this point I have no friends whatsoever at my university or do I even know anyone. The same applies to my at home life save one friend who I rarely see anymore. From elementary to high school I was teased and bullied by the other students (boys and girls, sometimes the girls were even worse)so I really have no friends from that time of life either. Because of all that (I mean you all no offense and I'm sure each of you have your numerous redeeming qualities) I'm very shy around people and pretty reclusive. I can open to my family just fine, especially my parents because I'm the youngest of four but as soon as someone I don't recognize comes to our house I'll retreat to my room.

I've never been involved with anyone ever, I've never even received so much as a kiss on the cheek from a girl outside my family. I admit I do get terribly lonely from time to time and yearn for female affection but I'm so apprehensive around them I can't muster the courage to court one it really does kind of scare me. My video games which are my greatest joy in life have helped me quite a great deal and I would never give them up, I play at least ten hours a day the only time I break is for when I exercise for an hour or to eat or go to school. I mention that in case some wonder what I do in all my spare time to give better clarification.

Well I don't want to wear your eyes down with anymore text but honestly I don't want to worry my parents anymore because they're scared of how I'm going to go on when the two of them pass away (which is still aways off it looks like thankfully). But I honestly feel as if I've given people too many chances (elementary to high school) and all they done is hurt me so........

Well what do you all think of all this? I'm sorry if you find this very depressing, I'm not trying to upset anyone. Any feedback is appreciated and if there is some confusion about somethings you are welcome to ask since there might have been some details I left out.

 

[Internet Kraken]

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

 

[Aesir23]

Personally, it makes sense how you're acting. I was bullied all through middle school by both guys and girls much like you have. As a result I became terrified of people.

And while it can't be controlled, maybe you just need a bunch of positive experiences to help deal with the negative ones. I know it's certainly helping to bring me out of my shell.

EDIT:// Of course, therapy helped a lot too. Go talk to a psychologist!

 

[Pimppeter2]

Yes, that is a little bit weird. But the question is, are you okay with it?

That's all that really matters

 

[manaman]

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

He is right. Really the only sure fire way to get you some help you need.

After all my response to someone with a store like this is always something along the lines of "Gezz dude that's sad, I think you need to join me and my friends and the bar and booze it up!" Which is probably not the healthiest way to jump into a social life.

Yes, that is a little bit weird. But the question is, are you okay with it?

That's all that really matters

As much as he talked about being lonely and pointed out the reclusiveness as being a fault I would think he is not okay with it.

 

[Mushroomfreak111]

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

Very clever! (considering the other quotes he should be feeling quite brilliant by now!)

I can always be your new online friend tho^^

 

[EeveeElectro]

I've heard similar stories, even I used to be like that but since taking up performing arts, my confidence has grown.
That's your problem; lack of confidence from the bullying.
Do what I do, say "fuck it" about your past and focus on making friends and your future.
It sounds more psychological due to the amount of years it has built up, so speaking to a professional may help.
Even if it's something small like having a meal with family and a family friend, it'll up your confidence.

It's 2am in the morning, so that probably made little sense. But these unicorns are shiny.

 

[Sethzard]

Try talking to people at uni, just work on your conversation, either that or try to go onto a live service if you have a console or a mic for your pc, I've found it a lot easer to build up my confidence when slagging off people that I can't see, or if you want vuagley intelligent conversation, come onto the escapist. When you feel confident try talking to people at uni, you will almost certainly find someone who will like you. In short get up your confidence then talk to real people.

 

[The Warden]

Just wait until you get a chance to say something in an overheard conversation or something.
Also, be the funny guy. Make jokes. It helps a lot.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

Sounds like you suffer from a slight self-confidence issue, especially if you're still referring to yourself as a boy at 23.

Pardon the indifference, but all I can really say is buck up. You aren't going to make any friends until you put forth the effort to do so.

 

[BonsaiK]

Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone. I'm a new to this forum and I was wondering if you all could give me some feedback.

Um, well I'm a boy who just recently turned 23 and will soon graduate from my university in the spring. Up until this point I have no friends whatsoever at my university or do I even know anyone. The same applies to my at home life save one friend who I rarely see anymore. From elementary to high school I was teased and bullied by the other students (boys and girls, sometimes the girls were even worse)so I really have no friends from that time of life either. Because of all that (I mean you all no offense and I'm sure each of you have your numerous redeeming qualities) I'm very shy around people and pretty reclusive. I can open to my family just fine, especially my parents because I'm the youngest of four but as soon as someone I don't recognize comes to our house I'll retreat to my room.

I've never been involved with anyone ever, I've never even received so much as a kiss on the cheek from a girl outside my family. I admit I do get terribly lonely from time to time and yearn for female affection but I'm so apprehensive around them I can't muster the courage to court one it really does kind of scare me. My video games which are my greatest joy in life have helped me quite a great deal and I would never give them up, I play at least ten hours a day the only time I break is for when I exercise for an hour or to eat or go to school. I mention that in case some wonder what I do in all my spare time to give better clarification.

Well I don't want to wear your eyes down with anymore text but honestly I don't want to worry my parents anymore because they're scared of how I'm going to go on when the two of them pass away (which is still aways off it looks like thankfully). But I honestly feel as if I've given people too many chances (elementary to high school) and all they done is hurt me so........

Well what do you all think of all this? I'm sorry if you find this very depressing, I'm not trying to upset anyone. Any feedback is appreciated and if there is some confusion about somethings you are welcome to ask since there might have been some details I left out.

Your question has been answered in the Relationship Problem Thread, which is at the following link: ---> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161?page=18#4313278

 

[Fists]

It's not your fault those people were pricks, I understand why you're shy around new people but you should know not everyone are pricks.

It's too late to try and socialize with the university students so I would recommend trying to socialize with your co-workers when you join the workforce.

What were you teased for as a matter of interest, if it's any of my business?

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

Listen to this guy.

Thirded, if you cant afford that or your family has something against it the only advice comes in the form of this comedy bit (Edit: just realised I should warn that it has course language, use discression) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

 

[Captain Schpack]

Interesting first post, Welcome to the Escapist.

The "not hanging around with house guests" part is fairly normal for men as the aren't as social as women (My father is the same way accept if its his family. If there's party you wouldn't even know hes there). How ever i understand about you not wanting to be hurt again (I'm actually experiencing a bit o' that shite myself) but give it a try focus on one person, maybe reconnect with the one rare friend. However, if your reclusive ways don't bother you then it might just be the way you are happy; there is a difference between having no one and wanting no one.

Basically, try to change a bit if you don't like then go back. I really dont knwo hwta to tell you.

By the way, don't read or take anything from this place too seriously. We are regular, biased humans. If you seriously believe this to be a potential problem see a professional doctor.

Best of luck, many happy days, and godspeed.


- Cap'n S.

 

[Solo Wing Pixy]

@demented teddy

There were so many reasons.....well I'm originally from California but moved to Texas when I was around 3rd grade. People from Texas apparently have a grudge against people from California so I was bullied for that. Also I'm not very good at sports like basketball or football and since I wasn't naturally gifted I was teased about that too. When I was in middle school (when things really got bad) a lot of boys and girls asked me how come I didn't have a girlfriend and I thought I was a bit young to do that I was 13-14 and they called me gay and pussy(please excuse my language but that's what they said). They would snatch away my game boy when I played it, snatch away the Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield books I read and would toss it around to each other forcing to be the monkey in the middle. Came high school I was made fun of mainly for being good at history (odd I know) and again the lack of dating experience I have and me always being quiet. I never went around telling people about myself they would sort of gang up on me and ask all kinds of embarrassing questions, I also stuttered a tiny bit too. That's to name a few things...(we moved back to California for the last of my senior year so really I just keep to myself now)

 

[j0z]

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

This is slightly ironic.
But good advice.
Listen to the Kraken, wisdom comes from his mouth.

 

[Angerwing]

I pretty much had the same problem, up until about a year ago (though I'm not as old as you). If you go out, and just act sociable, you will be sociable. After a while, you just adopt that act into your personality. You act like Mr Cool, you pretty much become Mr Cool.

Be who you want to be.

Oh, and I agree with the first guy. A psychologist is always a good idea (I reckon everyone should see one at least once in their life).

Edit: I'll just recap who I was. I was a weedy little kid, always picked last for sports (I went to a rugby school as well, so sports is srs bisnz), had few friends, apart from the other outcasts. I was bullied, never talked to girls, didn't have a girlfriend, like... ever. I was smart though, but that doesn't help the loneliness.

Then I picked up my game. Made some friends, just acted sociable (Protip: lots of questions), and became good friends with a large group of girls. Now I'm one of the groups favourite people, and I'm going to a New Years party in 5 hours with a 70/30 girl/boy ratio.

So, you go out and try to be sociable, and fail. What happens? That's like, 5 minutes of embarrassment. What if you succeed? Then you're made for a few years. Just be a nice, friendly guy. Oh, and money always helps. If you have money, you're open for many more social activities. Alcohol is always friendly as well.

 

[BonsaiK]

Don't ask random people on the internet. Ask a psychologist. That is my advice to you.

Psychologists charge you up the ass though, and they're not all worth the money. In any event the OP's problems are hardly ones which a psychologist is needed to diagnose. I bet most people reading this have probably felt the same at one point or another in their lives.

 

[sabotstarr]

well,
1 Welcome to the escapist (how has no one said that yet???) EDIT: ya oops,but still welcome
2 Yes, go see a psychologist
3 cut down the video games and go chill in a Starbucks or somewhere, it'll maybe lead to someone talking to you, and who knows after that.
Wish the best of luck to you.