If Gaming Was A Religion - An Insight Into The Minds Of The Escapis Forums

[guyroxorz]

Ok Escapees

Imagine gaming was a genuine religion

Who would be the God(s)?
What would be the holy book?
What would the rules of the religion?

I'll check this daily and update what the escapist has to say on this and see if we could actually make gaming a religion

*EDIT* so far this seem to be the most popular choice but there's still room for improvement i feel

The Gods - Mario, Link, Dante, Gordon Freeman, Captain Falcon, line piece, Chun Li, Sam Fisher (all with many apostles)

The holy book - Game FAQs

The rules:

1. Thou shalt not teabag lest thy kill was epic

2. Thou shalt not camp lest in an objective gametype

3. Thou shalt not noobtube lest the other team starts it

4. Thou shalt not troll consoles thou doest not own

5. Developers wilst release patches to balance and fix gameplay issues

6. Thou wilst not rage over delays or release dates

7. Thou wilst not lag switch

8. Thou wilst not pay for demos

9. Thou wilst not sing nor scream into thy mic

10. Thou wilst not betray thy teammates.

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Gods would be the Mods/Admins.
Book would be the Forum Posting Guidelines.
Rules would be the Contents of the Forum Posting Guidelines.


Sounds about right.

 

[Marik2]

Kratos would be God

Don't know about the holy book.

One rule: Have fun

 

[Sronpop]

Well the ruler would obviously be the princess, and the prophet Mario sent to do the good work following the book of instructions written by the wise man Miyamoto.

 

[Marik2]

Unfortunately gaming is more like a free-for-all cage match, to imagine it as a religion would be to make Bill Gates and whoever owns sony and nintendo prophets, electricity would have to be God and I have no idea on the whole rules section. If it was like religion then people would be at war every other day in real life, fighting over which console is better. This is all I can really say.

(by the way OP, nice profile pic, it kinda creeps me out.)

Um aren't there already wars for consoles already? You don't need religion to start wars, humans will disagree on anything to start a war.

 

[manythings]

Kratos would be God

Don't know about the holy book.

One rule: Have fun

If Kratos was the god? Obeying promptly would be the one commandment. Getting thoroughly fucked up in new and horrifying ways the retribution.

Unfortunately gaming is more like a free-for-all cage match, to imagine it as a religion would be to make Bill Gates and whoever owns sony and nintendo prophets, electricity would have to be God and I have no idea on the whole rules section. If it was like religion then people would be at war every other day in real life, fighting over which console is better. This is all I can really say.

(by the way OP, nice profile pic, it kinda creeps me out.)

Um aren't there already wars for consoles already? You don't need religion to start wars, humans will disagree on anything to start a war.

Yes, but that is just one ups manship, saying "my stuffs better than yours" is only how a religious fight starts, I'm talking full blown fist fights in the streets on your way to work that escalate into the second Civil War ending with the death of two of the three competitors, cause that's how a religious war works, you don't stop because they tell you to, you stop when they are either A)all dead or B) worshiping your god.

That is how business works just replace the fist fights with marketing strategies and corporate espionage.

 

[Marik2]

Kratos would be God

Don't know about the holy book.

One rule: Have fun

If Kratos was the god? Obeying promptly would be the one commandment. Getting thoroughly fucked up in new and horrifying ways the on retribution.

LOL true.

 

[dashiz94]

The Gods - Mario, Link, Dante, Gordon Freeman, Captain Falcon, line piece, Chun Li, Sam Fisher (all with many apostles)

The holy book - Game FAQs

The rules:

1. Thou shalt not teabag lest thy kill was epic

2. Thou shalt not camp lest in an objective gametype

3. Thou shalt not noobtube lest the other team starts it

4. Thou shalt not troll consoles thou doest not own

5. Developers wilst release patches to balance and fix gameplay issues

6. Thou wilst not rage over delays or release dates

7. Thou wilst not lag switch

8. Thou wilst not pay for demos

9. Thou wilst not sing nor scream into thy mic

10. Thou wilst not betray thy teammates.

Fucking perfect

 

[DrDeath3191]

The God would be the almighty Search Bar.

The Book would be the Half-Life 2 Strategy Guide.

The Rules would be as follows:

If you enjoy Nintendo games, you must be immediately banned for being a lunatic.

If you do not enjoy Valve games, you shall be castrated.

And the forum guidelines.

 

[HT_Black]

In the time before people bothered recording time, there was the creator, SHIGERU MAYAMOTO, and his work was good in the eyes of the people. Then he started making THE SAME CRAP EVERY YEAR, and so he was cast down from his throne and replaced with the pantheon of GABE NEWALL, the high lord and patron of SHIT THAT JUST WORKS; TIM SCHAFER, the king of off-beat titles; HIDEO KOJIMA, the god of TOOTING YOUR OWN HORN; HIDEKI KIMYA, the god of OVERBEARING FLASHINESS; and JOHN WHATEVER-IT-WAS, the god of SITTING AROUND AND MILKING YOUR AGED PROPERTY.

With their blessed disciples, GORDON, EDDIE, SNAKE, DANTE, and DOOMGUY, they travel the barren wasteland of game development, spreading their good faith and gifts among the people.

The holy book - Game FAQs

The rules:

1. Thou shalt not teabag lest thy kill was epic

2. Thou shalt not camp lest in an objective gametype

3. Thou shalt not noobtube lest the other team starts it

4. Thou shalt not troll consoles thou doest not own

5. Developers wilst release patches to balance and fix gameplay issues

6. Thou wilst not rage over delays or release dates

7. Thou wilst not lag switch

8. Thou wilst not pay for demos

9. Thou wilst not sing nor scream into thy mic

10. Thou wilst not betray thy teammates.

And the rules are whatever that genius wrote.

 

[Plurralbles]

if the escapist was a religion I'd hate to get banned.

 

[Thunderhorse31]

If gaming was a religion, it would be like every other religion. We would each have our own gods, our own holy text, and our own rules, and we'd declare jihads on one another and make pilgrimages to Japan (or Silicon Valley).

One group would be right, but good luck trying to convince anyone else without starting a flame war...

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

God would be Shigeru Miyamoto.

The holy book would be the internet.

The rules would be:

1. Shigeru Miyamoto is your God.
2. You shall not believe Hideo Kojima is your God before me.
3. You shall not make yourself a facebook idol.
4. You shall not make wrongful use of gaming characters for porn.
5. Remember the Ocarina of Time and keep it Holy.
6. Honor your father and mother by disregarding their bed times.
7. You shall murder campers.
8. You shall not commit to game store subscriptions.
9. You shall not steal your teammates' kills.
10. You shall not covet Cortana or Samus.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that this list, not the other one, is the perfect list of gaming commandments. It's literally the ten commandments with a few words switched.