If you could say anything to yourself from the past, what would you say?

[DoctorObviously]

This should be a lot of fun. The title describes itself, really. If you had the opportunity to say anything to a yourself from the past, what would you say. The previous you may or may not believe you, that completely depends on your personality from that time period.
I personally would say these things:

"Yes, it's scary at first because you don't get a physical copy, but you really, REALLY should be buying on Steam instead of spending 60 euros on dissapointing games."
"Borderlands/Bioshock Infinite/... will be one of the biggest dissapointments ever."
"You really should be spending more time studying more French and less studying how fast you can level up in WoW by taking a certain questroute."
"Those achievements/trophy-things you see? They are completely meaningless and worthless and you are being frustrated for NO GOOD REASON."

You can say anything to any past version of yourself, so go nuts!

 

[Eleuthera]

To Eleuthera, November 2009,

GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR!!

Yours,
Eleuthera, April 2013

EDIT:
On a slightly lighter tone...

To Eleuthera, several times 1992-2007,

Make a damn move you pussy!

Yours,
Eleuthera, April 2013

 

[Shocksplicer]

To Shocksplicer, February 2012: GO TO THE HOSPITAL, IT'S APPENDICITIS. DON'T LISTER TO YOUR DOCTOR, SHE'S A FUCKING IDIOT WHO'LL DAMN NEAR GET YOU KILLED.

To Shocksplicer, the first half of 2012: Stay away from Meg. Turns out she's a fucking whore.

Umm, these are kinda dark, lighten up...
To Shocksplicer, Early 2012: Join Underground Productions, because if you don't you'll join a year later, have the best time of your life, and wish you'd joined a year sooner.


With love, Shocksplicer 2013.


Captcha: upward slope
That seems appropriate for my life...

 

[Albino Boo]

Hmm I will have to go with, when having sex with another man's wife, check her Vicar father in law isn't asleep in the wing armchair first. I think that just about covers it.

 

[Clowndoe]

Dear Clowndoe,

You're nothing, and you're never going to be nothing.

After which, I proceed to slash his (my?) tires.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Hmm I will have to go with, when having sex with another man's wife, check her Vicar father in law isn't asleep in the wing armchair first. I think that just about covers it.

XD You sir deserve an internet for that!

OT: I guess I could go back to myself that one weekend and say 'seriously dude... don't put that in there... you will regret it!'

Or... one that will fit to many, many situations over the last few years: 'Don't buy that, you don't need it!'

 

[Shoggoth2588]

Hey Shog of 2002, in 2006 you're going to start a Livejournal. If you can do it now than do it. Once you do, make sure to update that bastard regularly. You and I both know how bad our memory is...

Hey Shog of 2002, if you start learning how to speak Japanese now AND STICK TO IT you will likely be fluent before your 20th birthday...I'm writing this as a 25 year old man; you don't want to end up like me.

Hey Shog of 2003, let her go and move on. Trust me, the right one will find you. Literally dude, she will find you.

Hey Shog of 2003 again...remember the summer. The WHOLE summer, specifically when it comes back around in 2006 and you have the choice to move to Germantown or not.

Hey Shog of 2005, if you didn't listen to me back in 2003 when Kuma went to Japan for that year, you probably shouldn't get back together with her. Maintain that friendship but dammit, I and I both know who you really want to date so GO FOR IT. She's going to be famous in a few years anyway.

Hey Shog of 2006, if you end up moving to Germantown with The Bastard, DO NOT let him use your Xbox. you'll end up never seeing it again: This means losing save-data for Otogi, Punisher, Fable and, every other game you spent your High School career beating instead of being a good student.

Hey again Shog of 2006, For the last time do NOT move to Germantown. You're in walking distance of a Blockbuster Video. They WILL hire you and it will be the best retail experience of your working life. They will inevitably go under BUT! but...Target will take you on and it'll be great because you will then be working nights without fucking customers (you may not end up jaded: just don't work for Gamestop...or trade in any games either)

 

[Angie7F]

To me.
The rest of evangelion will not be complete until 2015.

 

[Guffe]

"You're going to get a strange thingy... right above your ass crack at about the age of 21, go see a doctor for fucks sake!"
Or something else which will be very amusing to think about

 

[staika]

Dear staika of 1998
Stop listening to that shitty music and listen to some metal
-staika from 2013

dear staika of 2006
Don't listen to erik, don't ask why you'll find out later.
-staika from 2013

dear staika of 2009
Don't listen to your father, go with a networking degree you'll do it later so why waste the time.
-staika from 2013

dear staika of 2011
Find the damn death game gif so you can finally have a permanent avatar
-staika of 2013

Edit: Thought of another one

Dear staika of 2007
GO TO THE ESCAPIST RIGHT NOW! ZP and the community is worth the investigation
-staika from 2013

 

[Scarim Coral]

Several years ago-
"Do yourself a favour, DO NOT trim your toenails too much!!! Otherwise you will get ingrowing toenail problems!

After GCSE exams-
"I know you want to competely chill out before going to University but you MUST get a Summer job, an recession will happen after you graduate Uni!"

At the start of the second year of uni-
Whatever you do do NOT lend your rice cooker to your flatmate! They will only break the bowl inside it! Keep the cooker inside your room!

Three months ago-
You should totally go with mum and dad on their holiday to Hong Kong and China. Nothing bad happens when you on your own for a month but you will regret not going with them!

Yeah I got alot of warmings to say to my past selves.

 

[Ashadowpie]

i would tell my past self to find out how to deal with the learning disability we have and that its actually reversible at a young age and its too late for me now.

i would also tell my dad that living with the evil step mother is hopeless, she will never change for the better and it just emotionally damages your family and you should get out now before instead of 8 years of trying to fix an evil woman.


my life would be sooo much better if there was a retry button. oh well

 

[Boris Goodenough]

I would give myself the winning lottery numbers for every single year from the message arrives till the message is sent.

Also tell myself in 2000 that it's a pilonidal cyst (don't google it people) and get to checked out immediately.

 

[Hawk of Battle]

To Hawk, 1st August 2004;
Hey, you know that girl you're going out with now? Yeah, don't fuck it up. Seriously. There's gona be a couple of difficult months ahead, but for gods sake stick with it! DO NOT LET HER GET AWAY!

To Hawk, 1st Sept 2005;
Hey, you know that college course you're on right now? Yeah, WORK FUCKING HARDER and make sure you pass! In 4 years there's gona be a recession and you need to keep your job.

To Hawk, 1st June 2012 (original timeline, deliver only if previous message was ignored);
Do not go to work for a PAT testing company run by a guy named Woods. He's gona fuck you over big time. Bet you wish you'd heeded my previous message you dumb fuck!

 

[James Rednok]

Trust no one; not even yourself.

 

[TrulyBritish]

Hmm.... I think I'd be too tempted to try to prank myself.
Like If I could actually go back in time to talk to myself I'd probably hand myself one of those pocket watches with Galiffreyan writing on it and say"
"Don't lose it this time... you'll know when to open it when the time comes." and then run.
On a serious note it would be" I know you want to relax during your holidays, but you should really get a job so you're not broke all the time at uni."
Or "No, you've been drinking and joking for the whole party, don't ask her out now. Oh god what are you doing...?"

 

[Zen Bard]

I don't really have a lot of regrets, but I wouldn't waste the opportunity to tell my past self (say around high school age)these few things:

"It's all going to be okay. All the stuff you worry about now will absolutely work out fine."

"When you meet two stoned rockers named Jon and Ritchie at your guitar teacher's house, get their picture and autograph. Better yet, get their phone numbers and stay in touch because that 'Bon Jovi thing' is going to be big..."

"Keep up with the game programming. Trust me, it'll be lucrative someday."

"And speaking of lucrative...buy stock in in 'Google' and 'Apple' as soon as you can."

"Regarding women, just got for it. You have way more game than you think."

And finally..."ALWAYS go with your gut. It's right a lot more times than you think."

 

[TWEWYFan]

Eat less, exercise more. If you can, convince your parents to invest in that new-fangled "Google" thing.

 

[MysticSlayer]

Dear MysticSlayer,

I would like to inform you that you are at a high risk for kidney stone production. Make sure to always have a water bottle on you and be taking in plenty of fluids at all times. If you feel a pain in your lower back, it is not from that basketball injury you had--it is a kidney stone. See a doctor ASAP. If anyone argues, push the issue until they fold and acknowledge your problem.

Sincerely,
Your Future Self

 

[doggy go 7]

"When you meet two stoned rockers named Jon and Ritchie at your guitar teacher's house, get their picture and autograph. Better yet, get their phone numbers and stay in touch because that 'Bon Jovi thing' is going to be big..."

You... you met Bon Jovi...before they were cool... Bon Jovi... huh.

OT: I don't know actually. Probably to tell myself to stop being so stupid.

Wait, I thought of one:

"yes you do want to go to that party. I don't care if you think drinking's wrong for some utterly arbitrary reason. Unless you want to be largely excluded, you want to go. The other ones as well. Shut the fuck up, swearing a lot isn't an immpressive ability"