Impatient and easily frustrated with others?

[TankTop]

Hey. I haven't been on the Escapist for too long (not more than a year, anyway), and I this kind of thing has been bugging me for a while, and I need someone on the outside to provide an objective point of view. Or maybe I'm just rambling and I need to get stuff off of my chest. Either way.

To the point. Lately, I've been incredibly frustrated with things that wouldn't normally bug me before. For example, I will rage incessantly at friends I play BlOps with for things as simple as not buying Juggernog, or not listening to what team-mates say (point in case, during a game of Search and Destroy in Team Tactical, I and a friend were quite literally shouting at our last man standing "STOP", over and over again, who then proceeded to charge straight in to the enemy base, causing me to ragequit for the first time in a long time), despite some of them not investing as much time as I have into gaming (I'll expect someone to be able to play as well as the rest of the people in our zombies lobby, even if it's just their second game).

Additionally, I also play in a band with some of them. We're not particularly good. We're actually not good full stop, but it's more of a friends experience rather than a musical one. Allegedly.

That being said, half of us leave to play CoD halfway through practices, and some of them don't even know how to play what they're supposed to play, and learn it during the practice time, eating into our already valuable and limited time (we all have separate commitments such as sporting events, family events, study, etc, which make practices rare), both of which I find incredibly frustrating. Maybe it's just because I view the thing _as_ a musical experience, instead of the friends bonding, which they are achieving by playing CoD (and yes, it is invariably CoD. They don't have the most refined gaming palette).

I also tended to respond to their verbal teasing (generally of my relationship with a girl. Did I mention we're all teenagers? Well, I did now) with a sucker punch to the arm, gut, or something similar. But I know that that kind of teasing is to be expected, and I should be able to deal with it. But I can't. It got to the point where I'm actively being pacifistic.

Maybe it's just pent up frustration with them, maybe I'm just too eager to fight, and need to get my aggression out.

So, dear Escapists. That's my previous-month-and-a-bit story. What should I do to:
a. Not be as easily frustrated by things my friends do (which may or may not be their fault)
b. Find a harmony (geddit?) in our band so we take things seriously when we need to, and then relax

and

c. Stop resorting to violence as a knee-jerk response.

Regards,
Some Random Teenager on The Internet

P.S. Sorry for the wall of text.
P.P.S. Reading back, I sound mildly pretentious, overly-perfectionist and who knows what else. If this is my problem, please let me know.

 

[TankTop]

Yeah, I've definitely noticed that I am incredibly hypocritical, in terms of how I treat others.

I mean, I _try_ to be a good person by helping them out when they need it. And my personal philosophy is to try to let everyone live their lives the way they want to, as long as it doesn't impinge on my life. But there'll always come a time when I'll look back on a conversation and think "Damn, I was an asshole. Why didn't I just let them live with their choice?"

Example. Console/game series wars. They'd died down lately amongst my friends, but I was in the thick of them when they were raging. I wouldn't deliberately point out flaws 24/7, but would wait for an opportunity, some big downfall, and then snatch it.

Of course, I recently realised how annoying that was, and soon stopped, instead advocating the position that all consoles have their place. And yet, I will still have people shoving down my throat that a Ps3 is better.

I think the respect aspect you raised is definitely important, though.
I mean, to be honest, I'm rather brutal with my friends. Whether it's performing badly in a game, or failing to grasp a simple maths concept, the urge to make a scathing remark is consistently there. It's been easier to ignore of late though, simply because I'm now reminding myself more and more often that I will be in the same situation, except with inversed roles, and have been.

So maybe it's not too late for me after all?

Anyway, that was very helpful.

Thanks Aylaine!

 

[shreedder]

Try playing a sport. The physical activity is a great stress reliever. Which will do wonders in calming you down. I don't have the energy after a 2 hour swim practice to be angry.

Also talk to your friends about how you feel when they say X,Y, or Z. If you all understand what is cool to joke around about and what isn't you should be less in situations where your anger will get the best of you.

 

[rutger5000]

a) How's your sexlife? If it's not existent (you didn't mentioned a GF) then masturbate if you do so already maybe you should do a little more? It's proven to improve the general mood of most males. Otherwise try to find inner peace, enlightenment is a bid hard to reach. But it's not that hard to learn how to let some stuff go and become more relaxed.
b) Dunno about band stuff.
c) All my aggressive impulses died when I started to be friendly, open, honest and trusting to everyone I met. It's a bit hard at first/times, but definitely worth it. (Are you a relatively tall white male by any chance? Then trusting everyone really isn't that dangerous or hard as it may sound. )

 

[SiskoBlue]

You're a young man and it's a stressful time. I presume you're going to school if your a teenager. People will joke saying it's the best time of your life and what you're feeling isn't really pressure but it is. You don't really have a handle on who you're supposed to be at that age. And despite being able to play in a band and play videogames I'm sure you feel your parents and teachers expect you to worry more about school and your future. On top of that there's constantly shifting allegiances with friends and people at school. Nothing specific but generally something's going on (like girlfriends and such).

Unless your parents happily indulge your every whim I'm assuming you didn't choose which school you go to, and there are rules about what you can and can't do. You're not a prisoner but sometimes it feels like you are.

Plus hormones play havoc with your emotions. I thought this was a lot of bullsh*t when I was a teenager but when you get a bit older and look back you see how dramatically you react to things that as an adult you wonder why you cared at all.

This is not about you specifically, I'm saying this is just the average for most teens.

So what you're left with is stress and not a lot of control of what's happening. It doesn't matter what age you are all people typically respond in the same way. They get defensive. They feel any comment or personal observation could be another attack, or expectation or pressure. You also get cynical. You see the negative consequence in everything, you have negative expectations (I'll try but it'll probably fail). You feel frustrated and angry and a lot of the time aren't even aware of your behaviour at the time, only when you feel less stressed and have some time to relax do you get a chance see it.

So what can you do about? For a start try defining a sense of what your responsible for and what you can control, and particularly what you can't. You are NOT responsible for your friends behaviour. If they choose to do something, regardless of whether you think it's wrong, you really have to tell yourself "That's their choose, it's irritating but not my responsibility". I played in a band as well. There is nothing so fury inducing because music takes patience, and practice. It's hard enough learning music by yourself. Try doing it with 3-5 people who all have different levels of patience and ability (same for CoD as well I suppose). The thing I hated most? When two of the members have to stop to sort out their cues and such another member gets bored and decides to a) play their instrument which drowns out the conversation, or b) disappear to do something else. My only advice their is set down some rules before you practice. 2 hours practice, no one leaves. No one plays while someone's talking.

Try to shrug off the pressure from your parents and school. Despite how annoying they can be about it, and especially if they're terrible motivators, just remember, they feel responsible for you and want you to do well. They really do. But ignore them. They're just afraid you'll fail and end up miserable because you didn't try harder now. That probably won't happen. My best advice for all schooling is turn up and hand everything in. It's the advice my mum gave me and it was spot on. Somethings you'll do well in, some you won't. Most marking is subjective to teacher's whims despite what they say. So don't stress about the results. Just turn up to classes and hand in every piece of work, even if it's crap.

The rest is just a matter of choice. If you can figure out the things you feel you can't change just accept them as best you can, then all that's left are things you can control. Make a choice, and act on it. I feel I failed in this regard because I'd leave my options open and procrastinate about it too much. Life is much easier if you get things done now.

Hope this helps, good luck.