Is freinds with benifits a realistic expectation

[getarealhaircut]

I would like to here from people who have been there or currently are there how did/is it going?

Is there an informal set of rules on how this works? I have done this before and it ended up imploding badly and I lost a good friend, Any stories out there where people dont get hurt? And please I dont want to hear any rhetoric or moralising on the evils of casual sex and promiscuity.
Im asking for feedback from people who get that someone might not want to be in a relationship but still likes to have regular sex.

 

[Zantos]

I've done it before. Me and my ex didn't really want to be a couple any more, but were still sexy sexy people. It worked out for us, and it turned out that once we started hanging out as friends there were so many things we liked doing together that couples wouldn't normally do that we ended up going out again, just doing things that people would think were weird. Most people I know that have engaged in it have very much enjoyed so, most of them developing into happy relationships anyway. You don't have to go into a relationship, a lot of them started off not wanting it, but at the end of the day it worked out that way.

 

[Sporky111]

I'm having success with that kind of arrangement. Not really sure how it worked out, when we met we flirted a bit, but we both got it out of the way right off the bat that we were looking for friendship and not a relationship. We hang out fairly often, and I'd say about half the time we get action. It's just kind of an unspoken thing between us; when we hang out it's usually over night, and we always share a bed.

I don't know how one would go about getting into this situation, though. Maybe start by talking about sex with him/her and see if that lowers some boundaries and gives you some opportunities to approach the subject. It really comes down to finding the right person, someone who's going to see it exactly the same way you do: just sex for the sake of sex.

 

[crudus]

There's only two phases I hear about this in: it's going well and it ended horribly. I am in the latter. It ended horribly. People think they can beat the odds, but they can't. It isn't how we (as a species) are programmed. Unofficial rules? Don't do it. I am all for promiscuity and one-night stands, but fuck buddies just aren't the same. There is just too much that goes on with fuck buddies that makes it end badly.

 

[getarealhaircut]

Appreciate the help people thanks. Im guessing my current situation will come to a head over the weekend - best I put some thought in between now and then.

 

[Limecake]

Unofficial rules? Don't do it. I am all for promiscuity and one-night stands, but fuck buddies just aren't the same. There is just too much that goes on with fuck buddies that makes it end badly.

Exactly, Don't poop where you eat.

more often than not when it comes to 'friends with benefits' I find it ends when one person starts liking the other for more than just sex. Don't get me wrong I love sex! but it really does complicate things, and between friends things can go very wrong. I say you take your last experience, figure out why things went wrong and then try to figure out if this relationship will have the same issue (Hint: chances are it will)

So do you value your friendship over another notch in the belt or vice versa?

 

[gazumped]

I'd lay some ground rules, just so you both know where you stand. When I was in this kind of relationship I was actually head over heels in love with the guy and was sure that if I held out for a while he'd make it official.

Then he turned round and went "By the way, just so you don't hear it from someone else first, I got off with some girl the other week."
And I exploded.

Anyway, other general advice I'd have is... if and when one or the other of you develops feelings for the other, take it to the next level or END IT. That should be obvious really, but the boy in my situation just went "Well, if you say we can carry on like this, I'm going to carry on like this. Because I'm a bad person." (Yes, he said that. Although the reason why we're still relatively good friends a few years on is because he was this honest with me so *shrug*)

 

[rutger5000]

Really depends on you and your partner. I would be way too shy for it, but can't see a reason why it couldn't work for others. Wetter you and your partner can tackle the friends-with-benefits deal is best judged by you. The only advice I would give is make sure you communicate properly

 

[Frost27]

Unofficial rules? Don't do it. I am all for promiscuity and one-night stands, but fuck buddies just aren't the same. There is just too much that goes on with fuck buddies that makes it end badly.

Exactly, Don't poop where you eat.

more often than not when it comes to 'friends with benefits' I find it ends when one person starts liking the other for more than just sex. Don't get me wrong I love sex! but it really does complicate things, and between friends things can go very wrong. I say you take your last experience, figure out why things went wrong and then try to figure out if this relationship will have the same issue (Hint: chances are it will)

So do you value your friendship over another notch in the belt or vice versa?

Agreed. I think the reason so many attempts at this sort of thing fail is because of exactly what you mentioned, one person starts developing feelings that are more than physical. The fact that you see situations like this that do work out fine is the same reason some fail, because it takes a certain type of person to detatch the the proper degree for this to work and in the cases where things don't explode, what you have is two people who both just happen to be that type.

It's not that there is something wrong with a person who doesn't get involved to that degree or a person who does get attached. Quite the opposite, its just how they're wired.

If the OP is looking for some magic formula to ensure success with the highest ratio of orgasms vs. emotional involvement, there isn't one. There will always be risks involved and it's a crapshoot at best. What you would need to consider is, you see this as a possibility and you are worried about it not working so that would be the point to examine things from.

If both of you are comfortable with the idea of enjoying each other sexually for its own sake and not taking things further, then being comfortable enough to have an adult discussion on where you both stand and the possible ramifications down the road should be a snap. It may be a good idea to share the caution with your partner and not proceed if you both share doubts.

Or, consider a genuine relationship with this person.

 

[Rin Little]

One of my friends and I have a weird on-again off-again friends with benefits thing. It seems to work out well for both of us. There's no jealousy, no deep romantic attachments (as far as I can tell at least) we just enjoy being around each other and enjoy each other in bed. We never really talked about it, it just worked out that way.

 

[Shifty]

I have had a few. Ones that ended badly, ones that ended in a relationship and ones that exploded.
If you are looking for a f**k buddy then the best way to keep one is to keep the other person at arms distance. Not to call every weekend just every now and again. It stops people getting comfortable together.
Other than that I have found that nearly all my relationships started from friends with benefits and that is not a bad thing. Shows you have an interest in each other.