It's time to MAKE YOUR OWN APOCALYPSE!

[kjh242]

Alright, with all of these stupid apocalypse scenarios floating around, such as the Rapture, 2012, etc etc etc, i got to wondering; If I would be taken seriously, what doomsday scenario would I prophesy? Then I thought, what would THEY prophecy?
So then, Escapist Magazine, answer my question for me!
Include a date (time optional), means, and inclusiveness (think believers being carted off to heaven sort of thing).

Personally, mine would have to be this;
On Jan 1, 2222, the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs will leave the earth, bringing the terrible lizard and its ilk back to this earth, killing us all.

 

[Ghengis John]

Financial experts have predicted that the global economy will continue to deteriorate. Governments of the world will not tell you this, in order to prevent a panic and maintain their power, but most projections suggest that a global economic collapse will occur in march, 2017. Who knows what the fallout of this imminent fiduciary catastrophe will be. There could be riots, social upheavals and shortages on basic necessities like food, fuel and water. Or, we could be looking at a clean slate for everyone. Only one thing is certain: Those who do not invest in my financial shelter will lose all the assets they poses. Retirement plans, insurance premiums, college funds, personal savings, credit ratings. Invest with me today, and I promise I will not disappear with your funds sometimes around late February, 2017.

 

[FarleShadow]

Feburary 10th, 2142, 11:02 am:
World war three kicks off.

Feburary 10th, 2142, 11:09 am:
World war three ends.

Feburary 10th, 2142, 11:10 am:
Second coming happens, Jesus appears on lifeless Earth.

Jesus: "My children! I have ret...."

"Well. Fuck."

 

[Hero in a half shell]

The trees and plants start releasing a phermone that makes humans commit suicide. No, wait...

The Large Hadron Collider finally works, and when the particle acceleration impact happens a large naked austrian man comes out of it, and proceeds to hunt down and kill everyone on earth!

 

[GodofDisaster]

The world will end December 31st 2098, why you ask? Because I was messing aroung with my mobile phones calender and discovered that 2098 is the limit of years I can search.

Also the rapture will take the form of the weather trio from pokemon Rayquaza Groudon and Kyogre once they're done with their battle, which we'll all be killed in the cross fire Arceus, I mean Jesus will come down and take the good to heaven.

Also no amount of master balls in the world will save you, because these guys are set to destroy the world and it will be.....super effective.

Lets face it if your going to make a doomsday prediction you might as well make it as stupid and awesome as possible.

 

[JWRosser]

5th November 2105 - 500 years after the gunpowder plot, another shall rise to take Guy Fawkes place, but accidentally blow up the world, what with all the nukes lying around these days (if CoD has taught me anything). Also it's my birthday, but I'm assuming I'll be dead by then.

 

[Bassman_2]

2100 - Genetics-altering drug ADAM is created.
2101 - Controversy ensues over the use of its powers in military combat.
2101 (late) - Western Hemisphere agrees to use ADAM, while the other half of the world sticks with technological weaponry and enhancements (Mechs and Iron-Man suits)
2103 - Nukes fly from both sides.
2121 - Genetically altered cockroach people emerge from the destruction.

 

[kuyo]

A nuclear submarine is attacked by a frenzied squid. The sub is torn apart and the wreckage sinks to the bottom of the ocean irradiating everything as it goes. when it reaches the bottom, it lands on top of an ancient pirate ship and irradiates their liquor as it seeps out of the now ruptured casks. This booze induces powers in the denizens who are also now inebriated because it's booze. These new non-fuck-giving fish go out and destroy the stuff because they have inferiority complexes from when their parents said their dicks were too small. eventually, the come upon a clathrate deposit and destroy it as is their wont. That raises the worlds temperature and causes other deposits to thaw and do the same. This lights the world on fire and kills everything that isn't in the ocean. Meanwhile, those booze fish kill everything else by mechanizing the planet. They then get it in their minds that the sun is looking at them funny and decide to plow Earth right at that *****.

Spoiler

it already happened!

 

[FalloutJack]

In one hundred years, science will have surpassed the power of the nanite and moved on to the metacell, a self-contained microscopic adaptive cybernetic machine-cell made to immitate life. This will be considered a breakthrough...until its full potential is discovered and abused.

No one knows the time or the day precisely, but the man who does it will create a powerful death machine that will grow and evolve and devour the land to produce more metacells. The more cells it has, the more power is achieved, and the more complex the design. Grow large enough and the swarm of self-prepetuating, shape-shifting, mechanical monstrosities will be born. The world will be enslaved by one man's whim and one man's call. And do you know what, everybody?

I AM THAT MAN!

 

[Tartarga]

Horses, taking advantage of the My Little Pony craze successfully enslave humanity. Since they have no idea how the world works they make stupid decision after stupid decision until the Earth is no more.

 

[theironbat46]

October 23, 2017: Scientist see huge asteroid hurtling towards Earth. It will be there in 2 months.

October 24, 2017: This information releases into the public.

October 25-November 4: Society crumbles. riots, looting, rapes, etc.

November 5, 2017: Society comes to it's collective senses, and decides to all work on a huge single project. Within the time they have left.

November 25, 2017: Society finishes the project.

November 26- December 23, 2017: Society crumbles into huge orgy of happiness. and sex.

December 23, 2017: Asteroid hits, wiping out all life on Earth.

March 23, 2827: Incredibly intelligent life forms land on Earth searching for any forms of life. They find nothing so search for technology of any kind.

April 30, 2827: The life forms come upon a box covered in dust. They open a box. Inside the box is 4th season of Arrested Development and Half Life: Episode 3.

April 31, 2827: Humanity is deemed greatest race ever to exist.

 

[willofbob]

december 2012, the sheer density of the mayan apocalypse cult causes a black hole that sucks destroys the world in minutes, wiping out all higher life-forms and leaving only jehova's witnesses

 

[Nouw]

Daft Punk does another Alive concert and the world explodes from awesome.

 

[Outcast107]

Dragons. That is all.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

On November 11th, 2011 at 11:11 AM(eastern coast time) The entire world just blacks out and for the next day, the world goes mad trying to find out what the hell happened.

 

[ediblemitten]

The world becomes engaged in a war with a powerful alien alliance that envelopes the world. However, the war turns against the earth, and as the world is about to fall to tyranny under the alien alliance, Captain Falcon comes down from the sky riding a gigantic falcon made of fire. (Inexplicably, this song begins playing to everyone on earth as he appears http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i7qZxICwgQ.) He then unleashes a devastating Falcon punch (Another song inexplicably plays, this time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_SxVtf6Nk0) which utterly destroys the enemy space fleet and ground forces. A light surrounds Falcon as he gives a final salute, a flicker of a smile on his face. He then quietly says "Moves shown", before disappearing into the flames only to come again when the earth is in peril.

 

[Xixikal]

The human race meets a force with no equal, as the Great Cthulhu rises from slumber in R'lyeh and comes to bring darkness and suffering to Earth. We, his most devout followers, shall revel in death that He, in all His hellish might, brings upon us in the Beginning. Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

 

[JordanXlord]

i got it...everyone forgot Chuck norris's Birthday

 

[spartan231490]

Financial experts have predicted that the global economy will continue to deteriorate. Governments of the world will not tell you this, in order to prevent a panic and maintain their power, but most projections suggest that a global economic collapse will occur in march, 2017. Who knows what the fallout of this imminent fiduciary catastrophe will be. There could be riots, social upheavals and shortages on basic necessities like food, fuel and water. Or, we could be looking at a clean slate for everyone. Only one thing is certain: Those who do not invest in my financial shelter will lose all the assets they poses. Retirement plans, insurance premiums, college funds, personal savings, credit ratings. Invest with me today, and I promise I will not disappear with your funds sometimes around late February, 2017.

Looking at the data myself, I would be shocked if it happened that late. Actually, I guess it's not as late as I thought. but I still think it will be in 2016 at the latest, maybe 2014 or even sooner. If I had to, I'd put my money on spring 2015. It could be much worse than just riots(at least in US). If the us dollar is abandoned as the global reserve currency(It's being pushed for by a lot of countries) then here I think there would be mass starvation within months. I think it would make the great depression look like a Caribbean vacation. If you've got a bunch of time to kill, check out http://www.stansberryresearch.com/pro/1011PSIENDVD/OPSIM302/PR
It's blatantly trying to sell you his shit, but all the info in there that I have checked, is true, and horrifying. It's a long video and he's a horrible public speaker, but the information is something you should be aware of.

so that's my bet. Spring 2015, riots, starvation, widespread panic, all the bad parts of an apocalypse, without anything fun like zombies.