As some of you may be aware, this Christmas isn't going entirely to plan for me. My girlfriend is bringing the baby i don't want to term among other things, so to cheer myself up i was trying to think about previous festive periods that were even worse. This is the story of my worst one.
My mother was heavily pregnant by December 20th in 1997. We didn't know when the baby was coming exactly, but i pleaded with her to get a caesarean so that Christmas wouldn't be disrupted for me, but she selfishly refused... and low and behold, four days passed before she had to be taken to the hospital on Christmas Eve. My other siblings (who are really just half brothers and sisters) ended up going to their aunt and uncles, and i was packed off to spend Christmas with my grandad and his girlfriend Monica that lived up the road, and Christmas morning was probably one of the worst days of my life.
My grandad was a proper cockney, and enjoyed starting his day with a nutritional breakfast of pigs trotters, which really creeped me out. I wasn't expected to eat any, but just being near them made me uncomfortable. It also transpired that in the rush to get mother to the hospital, they actually forgot to give my grandad my presents, so all i had to open was the cheap crap he bought me. It wasn't all bad though. In my stocking, there was this plastic toy thing that was basically a handle which you attached these plastic discs to, and then when you pull the chord the discs fly off. I had fun using it to cut down the tacky tinsel decorations Monica had fastened to the ceiling. But then they took it off of me.
At lunch time we went to Monica's daughters, so i at least got to have a nice dinner. But it was too little too late, my Christmas had already been ruined and i knew exactly who was responsible.
A couple of days later i got to go home and confront them, but before i could really relay my discontent with the way the holidays panned out, i was introduced to my new sister Sophie, and my mother made me sit down on the sofa and hold her so she could take a picture. I looked down at her and suddenly i wasn't quite so annoyed and decided to let things go... but then, obviously, she wet herself on me.
When i finally got to open my presents though, i got a Nintendo 64, which was good, but i explicitly stated that i wanted a yellow second controller, not the green one they bought me, so even that was bitter-sweet.
Yeah, i know: cool story bro. For those of you with the mental capacity required to read a half dozen paragraphs, maybe you'd like to regale us with tales of past xmasses that sucked for you, so that i might feel better.
My mother was heavily pregnant by December 20th in 1997. We didn't know when the baby was coming exactly, but i pleaded with her to get a caesarean so that Christmas wouldn't be disrupted for me, but she selfishly refused... and low and behold, four days passed before she had to be taken to the hospital on Christmas Eve. My other siblings (who are really just half brothers and sisters) ended up going to their aunt and uncles, and i was packed off to spend Christmas with my grandad and his girlfriend Monica that lived up the road, and Christmas morning was probably one of the worst days of my life.
My grandad was a proper cockney, and enjoyed starting his day with a nutritional breakfast of pigs trotters, which really creeped me out. I wasn't expected to eat any, but just being near them made me uncomfortable. It also transpired that in the rush to get mother to the hospital, they actually forgot to give my grandad my presents, so all i had to open was the cheap crap he bought me. It wasn't all bad though. In my stocking, there was this plastic toy thing that was basically a handle which you attached these plastic discs to, and then when you pull the chord the discs fly off. I had fun using it to cut down the tacky tinsel decorations Monica had fastened to the ceiling. But then they took it off of me.
At lunch time we went to Monica's daughters, so i at least got to have a nice dinner. But it was too little too late, my Christmas had already been ruined and i knew exactly who was responsible.
A couple of days later i got to go home and confront them, but before i could really relay my discontent with the way the holidays panned out, i was introduced to my new sister Sophie, and my mother made me sit down on the sofa and hold her so she could take a picture. I looked down at her and suddenly i wasn't quite so annoyed and decided to let things go... but then, obviously, she wet herself on me.
When i finally got to open my presents though, i got a Nintendo 64, which was good, but i explicitly stated that i wanted a yellow second controller, not the green one they bought me, so even that was bitter-sweet.
Yeah, i know: cool story bro. For those of you with the mental capacity required to read a half dozen paragraphs, maybe you'd like to regale us with tales of past xmasses that sucked for you, so that i might feel better.