Life is meaningless now

[Beautiful End]

I've always feel like depression is a big part of my life. It started when I was a teenager and my family and I moved to the U.S., leaving family and friends behind. Ever since, I became pretty much a loner and stopped feeling...well, feelings altogether. However, I was going to school at the time so it was easy to forget about that business and instead I could focus on school and extracurricular activities.

However, I recently got my Bachelors degree in graphic design and I am done with school. But I was never really interested in graphic design; I just studied that to have a degree and to possibly get into game design, which I don't wanna do anymore since I've heard it's a very unstable industry. I'm not passionate about my degree or anything at all. Now that I'm done with school, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't think of a job that I would be passionate about (although I do have two jobs at the time and they're ok I guess) and my past hobbies don't interest me anymore. I used to love drawing but when I sit down to try and get back on it, I lose interest really fast and I do little progress. Hell, even playing video games has lost its charm. I only play Destiny over and over again and I even admit I get bored while doing so. I try to play any of the thousands of games that still have the plastic wrapping and I can't bring myself to play for more than 5 minutes. I tried getting back into crafting things (like video game props and whatnot) and I never get past the planning stage. I've been meaning to write a small novel for my own pleasure and i can't even bring myself to open my computer. Right now, I live with a roommate that makes me happy and whose company I enjoy immensely but I feel like I'm just living through my friend; I moved to a new state to live together because I missed my roomie.

I know it sounds like depression and it probably is. Problem is I don't have the money or time to go see someone about it (again, two jobs). I tried that once a long time ago and that didn't do anything. All they did was ask me dumb and rhetorical questions and I didn't feel like I made any progress. how can I get past this? I'm scared of being like this for the rest of my life and that only makes me not even wanna try anymore. I have no suicidal thoughts (too lazy) but I still have no interest in living, honestly. I'm not a deadbeat either, both of my jobs love me and consider me one of their best employees and that helps but still.

 

[Wasted]

It seems pretty obvious that you would benefit from therapy. It sounds like you are making excuses as to not wanting to follow through with it (don't have time, don't have money, didn't work in the past). A therapist cannot magically fix your woes, there needs to be a push on your end to want change.

 

[Terminal Blue]

If you feel depressed all the time, then that's a medical problem and it's probably not going to go away unless you treat it medically. It's a choice really: either you feel that the way you're managing things is good enough, or it's not. If it's not, then you need to consider that as an illness. It's really no different to having a physical injury which messes up your life but which you won't treat, and you can see how that wouldn't look like a good idea from the outside, right?

If you're going to try and manage this on your own though, then it might help you to take your own feelings and impressions slightly less at face value. I know you say you feel disinterested in doing things, but at the same time not doing things could actually be part of the reason why you feel hopeless and disinterested all the time in the first place. As weird as it might seem sometimes, you have to force yourself to do things which seem pointless or unenjoyable or demand too much commitment simply because doing them might in fact make you feel better down the line.