little bit of a life crisis, could use some advice.

[nebtheslayer95]

Hello escapist members, I could use some advice (as if the title didnt say it all). As of this moment I am in the 11th grade and going to a fairly good high school. For the last 6 months I have been extremely down because of a combination of social anxiety and depression. Up until about a month ago I had been talking with a close friend who had been depressed before, and they were able to keep me, if not exactly happy, not suicidal (much). I was (and still am) a self-harmer, and they tried to get me to stop, which worked for a little while, but the longer I went without cutting the more stressed I got. Anyway that went on until the pressure became to much to bear, and about 1 month ago, I tried to kill myself. My friend called the police, my life was saved, blah blah blah. After a week in a psych ward I was released, but I was still depressed, although nowhere near as much as before. Now though my friend tries to avoid me at all times (more or less), and has gone so far as blocking some of our online communication. She thinks that I am too clingy and I am just a burden, and knowing that she thinks that is devastating. So, what should I do escapists? I have been leaving her alone, and she seems happier, but my depression gets worse and worse every single day. Im seeing a psychiatrist but he doesnt help, and Im on an antidepressant but it doesnt help either. I realize this may not be the perfect community to ask, but I am hoping somebody here can maybe read this and give some solid advice. Thanks if you read this far, if not, I understand. Sorry to burden you guys with my problems...

 

[crudus]

First off in my own personal opinion (that is the important part), biological treatment (i.e. pills) is the worst way to deal with things. It isn't really treating the problem as much as covering it with a blanket and hoping it forgets it exists. It treats symptoms not the problem. Sometimes it is all you can do; sometimes that is all people want/need. More power to them. My suggestion is asking your therapist about other methods of treating your depression like Cognitive-Behavioral Treatments(CBT), since the pills aren't working. As far as the stress goes, you need another form of catharsis(catharsis meaning a purge of emotions). I have heard of a punching bag working well for some people or just generally working. You gave very little information on this part so I don't know what to tell you other than general advice.


Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. These are my own personal opinions and may not help and could very easily do the opposite. These opinions are formed from personal experience which cannot be used as a template.

 

[isometry]

You mention taking anti-depressants, are you taking anything for the anxiety? Depending how bad it is, the anxiety could be making you depressed; teenagers sometimes deal with a lot of anxiety without realizing it, when they don't know what it's like to be anxiety-free.

About your friend, you have to keep leaving her alone. She already made an effort to help, and pulling back means she has reached her limit. Don't feel hurt or betrayed, it probably has more to do with her than you (it often takes years to work through these problems, it's good to get support from someone who has gone through it, but only if its far enough in their past that they can help you without endangering themselves).

 

[Fawcks]

Sadly, you can't really get her back. She can only come back of her own accord. She may not come back... But it will only make things worse to force it.

 

[tharglet]

If the psychiatrist isn't helping, you may have a not so good psychiatrist.
As for pills, for different people they do different things. It's not really the ideal way of treating your problems, but for some people they need that help. I suggest doing some of your own research into the different medications, and talk with a doctor about it.
If the pills really aren't doing anything for you (and outsiders can verify that there's no change in you) then it's probably best to investigate alternatives.

If the psychiatrist isn't really helping, and he won't try something different, then you prolly need to find a new psychiatrist.

As for your friend, you probably do need to give her some time and space, and work on improving your emotional situation. You've probably come to rely on her more than you may think, and that does take its toll on people. Try not to dwell on the past - what's done is done - but try and work on the future, and make yourself able to give your friend some good memories to displace the bad.

 

[Dastardly]

snip

I know this is a somewhat-older thread, but I wanted to weigh in just a bit.

Firstly, your friend. You say yourself that she was depressed before, too. Knowing and sharing that apparently helped you a little bit... but what about her? Sometimes, hanging around with someone who is suffering from something that you've overcome (or at least made progress against) pulls you backwards. It's not you specifically, it's being around the "old ways" and "old problems" in general.

She may be staying clear because she doesn't want to fall back into it. And, if we're honest, hanging around with someone struggling with the same thing doesn't always help us get better -- with many problems, depression and self-harm among them, it actually enables the behavior because it allows us to feel it is more acceptable. (Not to make too broad a comparison, but it's similar to why drug users tend to want to hang out with other users.)

Additionally, regarding your friend. I doubt you do so intentionally, but when you come to depend on a person to keep you from feeling suicidal... well, that puts a lot of pressure on them. She may not be able to handle that pressure anymore, especially not if the dependency has been getting worse. No one wants to feel like they are the only thing standing between someone and their self-destruction -- to the other person, it can feel like the dependent friend is "holding himself/herself hostage."

Basically, I don't think she's backing away from you because of you. She's doing it because it's currently the best choice for herself. Don't let yourself internalize that, because it does you both a disservice.

Further, regarding your own feelings and challenges. Don't seek help from your peers. Don't avoid them either. Hang out, do stuff, but don't always lean on them for emotional support. Find help from people who are qualified and prepared to bear that burden with you. Pills aren't meant to "cure" depression -- they are meant to help get some of the physical symptoms out of the way so that you can also talk through the underlying causes. That's the real treatment.

Think of it like a crutch. The crutch does not heal your broken leg. It just takes some of the weight off while the leg is healing. If you don't put it in a cast and take proper care of it, the leg isn't going to heal right just because you have the crutch.

Above all, be honest with yourself. To a large degree, over time, you've incorporated this feeling of depression and this habit of self-harm into your own identity. You see it as a part of "who you are." As a result, you've got some fears that if you let it go, you're losing something of yourself. The only cure for that is to go out and do stuff, find out who you really are, apart from this particular issue.

The other hazard, which I'm sure you've run into now, is that when we get into places like this, we tend not to want just any solution. There is a particular solution we want. (For instance, if we're pining after a particular love interest, we don't want to be told the solution is to "move on," we want to be told how to "get them to love us.") As a result, we ignore a lot of the help and advice being offered to us, because we already have it fixed in our minds what the "correct" answer should be.

When we feel like we're swimming against the current, sometimes we really want to believe someone, usually someone very specific, is going to swim out and rescue us. It's easy to forget that, if they did so, they could risk getting stuck out there, too. Sometimes, we have to recognize that the best they can do is stand on the shore and encourage us, let us know there are people that care whether or not we make it, but we have to do the swimming for ourselves.