Ingredients:
3 eggs (whole eggs)
3-4 tablespoons of buttermilk (if you /fail and want a soft and shredded omelette, use regular milk. Pussy.)
2 handfuls (or one handful, if your hands are big. Mine are small) of filling. Cheese is needed. No discussion. You want cheese in your omelette. To keep it together mostly, but also it tastes awesome. For filling you can use, apart from cheese, whatever you want: blue/white/red cheese (they melt differently than regular cheese, trust me), ham, bacon (smoked/fried/cooked, whatever), mushrooms, smoked salmon, tomato and/or other veggies, even anchovies and pickles. You name it.
Salt and pepper, to taste
Unsalted butter/whatever you want to actually fry your omelette on. Unsalted butter works best, and don't be stingy in applying it. A tablespoon should do it. If you really have to, use salted one but don't salt the eggs much or else it'll be too salty. It's a matter of experience. The more there is the better the omelette comes off the pan. Just don't overdo it or your omelette will drown in sad depths of golden cholesterol.
You also need:
Large frying pan (preferably made specifically for the purpose)
Wooden spatulas, 2 of them.
2 small bowls
Kitchen knife
Fork
Cutlery
Dinner plate
Cheese grater
So you want to make a perfect omelette? Is it for the girl/guy currently occupying your shower/bed? Fine, fine, I'll teach you, and if you use the mighty omelette skill to get a second shag from the person occupying the shower/bed, all the better!
Gather all ingredients and equipment yet? Let's start then!
To make a perfect, smooth omelette you want your eggs cracked and poured into the bowl. No shell pieces, dammit! Then, you add buttermilk. Or just plain milk, if you are a pussy. Salt it to taste. If you are familiar with your kitchen equipment you should know how much salt should be enough for one egg. If not, again you're a pussy. Then add a little pepper. Freshly ground is best. Three shakes should do it.
Prepare the filling.
Cheese should be grated on a grate with large holes. Blue/red cheese - crushed, white cheese sliced. Ham and other meat/fish should be diced into pieces no bigger than approximately 1/3 inch /1 cm. Tomatoes should be sliced in half and cut into thin ?crescent moons?. Mushrooms and veggies other than tomato should be diced just like meat. Pickles and zucchini should be sliced thin.
Put it all into a bowl and mix together, you can and should use your hands. I hate eating without cutlery but in cooking you have to use your bare hands. You'll love it. Trust me.
Beat the eggs and spices together in the bowl till they are a smooth yellow liquid. Tiny black spots for the pieces of pepper are allowed.
In the meantime, I hope you did get the pan hot and let the butter melt on it to cover it with a shiny film. If not ? better get busy, soldier!
Once the butter is melted, lower the heat to medium.
Pour the beaten eggs on it. If there's a large bubble of gas forming, jab it with a spatula, but do not scramble.
Twirl the pan every now and then (approximately 30-40 sec) so the layer of eggs would be nice and even. Do not try to turn the thing over or scramble it else you'll fuck your omelette up and it'll come out as particularly elaborate scrambled eggs!
Assuming you didn't try to know better and didn't fuck up your omelette, by now you should have a very pale egg mixture on the pan that turned solid. That means, if you swirl the pan, nothing is moving. Good. But if you wait too long you'll burn it, so keep an eye on it you dipshit!
This is the moment when it gets tricky.
Toss the filling in the omelette, but only to cover one half of the circle.
See how pretty it looks?
Ok. Now gently use the two wooden spatulas and maybe a help of your fingers (oh god I do hope you washed your hands), to fold the omelette in two, so to cover the half with filling on it with the other half.
If you fucked up and it's not perfect, I'm sure you'll get bonus points for trying but it will not grant you a second shag unless the person is really into you. If not, try harder. If you can't perform a simple omelette folding tho, you should forever forget about dating, you loser.
Folded yet?
Ok. let it sit on the pan for abut 30-40 sec, and then gently slide the omelette on the plate. Do not break it. Do not let it fold. Use the goddamn spatula if you must!
Awesome. You made it.
Now just grab a tray, cutlery, flowers in whatever container you can and serve this to your date.
If you have performed the tasks satisfactory, chance for another shag is 95%. Unless he/she is married/taken and/or was really drunk.
THIS IS WAR!
Pick up your spatula, soldier, and let's get them!
3 eggs (whole eggs)
3-4 tablespoons of buttermilk (if you /fail and want a soft and shredded omelette, use regular milk. Pussy.)
2 handfuls (or one handful, if your hands are big. Mine are small) of filling. Cheese is needed. No discussion. You want cheese in your omelette. To keep it together mostly, but also it tastes awesome. For filling you can use, apart from cheese, whatever you want: blue/white/red cheese (they melt differently than regular cheese, trust me), ham, bacon (smoked/fried/cooked, whatever), mushrooms, smoked salmon, tomato and/or other veggies, even anchovies and pickles. You name it.
Salt and pepper, to taste
Unsalted butter/whatever you want to actually fry your omelette on. Unsalted butter works best, and don't be stingy in applying it. A tablespoon should do it. If you really have to, use salted one but don't salt the eggs much or else it'll be too salty. It's a matter of experience. The more there is the better the omelette comes off the pan. Just don't overdo it or your omelette will drown in sad depths of golden cholesterol.
You also need:
Large frying pan (preferably made specifically for the purpose)
Wooden spatulas, 2 of them.
2 small bowls
Kitchen knife
Fork
Cutlery
Dinner plate
Cheese grater
So you want to make a perfect omelette? Is it for the girl/guy currently occupying your shower/bed? Fine, fine, I'll teach you, and if you use the mighty omelette skill to get a second shag from the person occupying the shower/bed, all the better!
Gather all ingredients and equipment yet? Let's start then!
To make a perfect, smooth omelette you want your eggs cracked and poured into the bowl. No shell pieces, dammit! Then, you add buttermilk. Or just plain milk, if you are a pussy. Salt it to taste. If you are familiar with your kitchen equipment you should know how much salt should be enough for one egg. If not, again you're a pussy. Then add a little pepper. Freshly ground is best. Three shakes should do it.
Prepare the filling.
Cheese should be grated on a grate with large holes. Blue/red cheese - crushed, white cheese sliced. Ham and other meat/fish should be diced into pieces no bigger than approximately 1/3 inch /1 cm. Tomatoes should be sliced in half and cut into thin ?crescent moons?. Mushrooms and veggies other than tomato should be diced just like meat. Pickles and zucchini should be sliced thin.
Put it all into a bowl and mix together, you can and should use your hands. I hate eating without cutlery but in cooking you have to use your bare hands. You'll love it. Trust me.
Beat the eggs and spices together in the bowl till they are a smooth yellow liquid. Tiny black spots for the pieces of pepper are allowed.
In the meantime, I hope you did get the pan hot and let the butter melt on it to cover it with a shiny film. If not ? better get busy, soldier!
Once the butter is melted, lower the heat to medium.
Pour the beaten eggs on it. If there's a large bubble of gas forming, jab it with a spatula, but do not scramble.
Twirl the pan every now and then (approximately 30-40 sec) so the layer of eggs would be nice and even. Do not try to turn the thing over or scramble it else you'll fuck your omelette up and it'll come out as particularly elaborate scrambled eggs!
Assuming you didn't try to know better and didn't fuck up your omelette, by now you should have a very pale egg mixture on the pan that turned solid. That means, if you swirl the pan, nothing is moving. Good. But if you wait too long you'll burn it, so keep an eye on it you dipshit!
This is the moment when it gets tricky.
Toss the filling in the omelette, but only to cover one half of the circle.
See how pretty it looks?
Ok. Now gently use the two wooden spatulas and maybe a help of your fingers (oh god I do hope you washed your hands), to fold the omelette in two, so to cover the half with filling on it with the other half.
If you fucked up and it's not perfect, I'm sure you'll get bonus points for trying but it will not grant you a second shag unless the person is really into you. If not, try harder. If you can't perform a simple omelette folding tho, you should forever forget about dating, you loser.
Folded yet?
Ok. let it sit on the pan for abut 30-40 sec, and then gently slide the omelette on the plate. Do not break it. Do not let it fold. Use the goddamn spatula if you must!
Awesome. You made it.
Now just grab a tray, cutlery, flowers in whatever container you can and serve this to your date.
If you have performed the tasks satisfactory, chance for another shag is 95%. Unless he/she is married/taken and/or was really drunk.
THIS IS WAR!
Pick up your spatula, soldier, and let's get them!
