Max Payne Movie - A "Payne" to Watch.

[Caliostro]

And to top it all off like a rancid cherry on top of a cake made of pus this movie is a good example of some of the worst casting I have seen in a long while. Leaving aside the "dead horse" that Jim Bravura was an Italian, white, fat guy and not an American, thin, black man, whoever picked Mark Wahlberg to be Max must have suffered from a brain hemorrhage or 10. Wahlberg manages to pull a Keanu Reaves better than Keanu could. He keeps the one same "wtf is going on?" expression on his face throughout the whole movie, whether he's looking at a gun, a naked woman or people firing at him...

In fact if you're looking for anything that relates this to the game, any "classical" game scenes in the movie (like the baseball bat beatdown) then you can forget about it. You'll find none.

In essence, this is Max Payne without the brilliant story telling, action scenes, bullet time sequences, great characterization... In fact, if I can't recommend this movie for general public I especially can not recommend it to a Max Payne fan as it'll hurt twice as much: once because it's a terrible movie, and twice because of what they did to a brilliant and beloved franchise.

 

[Novajam]

Wow. You really hated this film, didn't you?

Great review. It's crossing into rant territory a little, but that's okay because you manage to keep a solid pace and back up your points well.

Entertaining read. Great job.

 

[CrafterMan]

Muahaha I love this review!

Entertaining, brief but to the point and god damn did they screw this up!

Haha thanks for the review Caliostro!

-Joe

 

[xitel]

Yeah, I had heard that a bunch of people hated this movie. But man, you make it sound like it was Max Payne without the Max Payne.

 

[keyper159]

Yeah, I had heard that a bunch of people hated this movie. But man, you make it sound like it was Max Payne without the Max Payne.

it IS Max Payne with out Max Payne in it because some fucker cast Marky Mark as him

P.S. if you got that reference The Escapist should give you a badge

 

[Eric the Orange]

a good rant, but you seem to be trying to hard to sound like yatzee. dunno if this was intentional or not.

 

[Teh_Doomage]

I almost completely agree with this review....the only part I don't agree with...oh wait I can't the movie was pretty horrible.

 

[MrBrightside919]

Max Payne is just like Hitman...

Both movies are so stock that they could be any action movie EVER!

 

[s0denone]

Awesome review, I just watched the film, and I must say I agree with you on pretty much everything.

Will look forward to seeing more, good job Thumps up.

 

[Tome And Scroll]

When I first heard they were making a Max Payne movie, I naively got excited. However, the more and more I read about it, the sadder I got. I haven't seen it, but I'm not feeling "Good Vibrations".

You'd think they would have learned from the BloodRayne movies? Oh, the humanity...

 

[SMOKEMNHALO2001]

I couldn't watch more than 30 minutes of this crap! I loved Max Payne, it was one of my favorite XBOX games. Ludacris, really? He had no business even being NEAR this movie. But as for Mark, he has the look but he didn't really pull off the bad assery that is Max.

 

[Fightgarr]

My problem is that Max Payne is a film noir parody. The movie missed that point like an absolute champion.

 

[mokes310]

I thought it was pretty bad. I'm just happy that I didn't waste the money seeing it in a theater.

When will a video game movie get it right?

 

[Frybird]

My problem is that Max Payne is a film noir parody. The movie missed that point like an absolute champion.

Actually, the point is that Max Payne never should have been a movie exactly because of that.

While you could certainly make a nice Action Flick out of Max Payne, i don't think the very essence of the game (mainly the art style, the comic/movie references, the bizarre humor and the contrasting tragic scenes) could not be translated well and would look very arkward on screen.

(And now give us Max Payne 3, pleaase)

 

[willard3]

Max Payne is just like Hitman...

Both movies are so stock that they could be any action movie EVER!

I would respectfully disagree. Both of those movies are buried somewhere in the middle of my mental movie reviews, maybe a little lower on the list. Sure, Max Payne the game was a no-holds-barred action fest, but so utterly ridiculous that you can't make a movie based on that, so they chose to do it primarily on the story. The storytelling was drawn out, sure, but I didn't think it was bad. Marky Mark was actually cast well; I predicted he would get considered for it. But seriously...fucking Ludacris???

Hitman reminded me of the Bourne movies, though with a slower, more deliberate approach than Matt Damon's frantic planning. And really, isn't that what the Hitman games are all about: slowly approaching your target, finding the best way to pull it off without being seen, and slipping away? Besides, the rooftop sniper scene pretty much defined badass.

 

[MrBrightside919]

Max Payne is just like Hitman...

Both movies are so stock that they could be any action movie EVER!

I would respectfully disagree. Both of those movies are buried somewhere in the middle of my mental movie reviews, maybe a little lower on the list. Sure, Max Payne the game was a no-holds-barred action fest, but so utterly ridiculous that you can't make a movie based on that, so they chose to do it primarily on the story. The storytelling was drawn out, sure, but I didn't think it was bad. Marky Mark was actually cast well; I predicted he would get considered for it. But seriously...fucking Ludacris???

Hitman reminded me of the Bourne movies, though with a slower, more deliberate approach than Matt Damon's frantic planning. And really, isn't that what the Hitman games are all about: slowly approaching your target, finding the best way to pull it off without being seen, and slipping away? Besides, the rooftop sniper scene pretty much defined badass.

Hitman is nothing like the Bourne movies, other than the idea that someone is being chased by someone else. The movie was full of pointless action that made no sense to the idea of what the Hitman games were all about; STEALTH. And the rooftop sniper scene pretty much defined badass? Were you watching the same movie I was because I don't think you were. The biggest difference has to be that the Bourne movies were incredible, intense action packed thrillers that had me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. Was Jason going to get caught? What was all this conspiracy stuff? Did Bourne just kill a guy with a book?! Could these movies get any better?!?

With Hitman, I always knew he wouldn't get caught, mainly because i've seen that movie before, except it wasn't called Hitman. Come to think of it, i've seen that movie many many times before.

Hitman is nothing more than a stock action movie with the name Hitman (check out my review of that movie). Max Payne is the same thing, a stock revenge movie with the name of a video game. Hitman was nothing like the game it was based off while Max Payne was TOO much like the game it was based off of but without the fun gameplay and incredible looking graphic novel cutscenes with the great voice acting.

God, now I think i'm going to have to review the Max Payne movie.

 

[thedirtymex]

I didn't think it was that bad. I thought the use of demons as the drug took over was kick ass.
My main complaint was that the bullet time effects in the movie where used badly. Always odd angles and crappy events.
I loved the fact in the game you could fire yr weapon and pause the game. Leaving a 9mm shell half ejected from the slide with the barrel exposed.

 

[pantsoffdanceoff]

Quite frankly, I like rants, I like making them and I like agreeing with correct rants. This, rant was spot on, good work, sir.