Meeting people when most of your friends are of the opposite sex.

[ReadyAmyFire]

Evening all,

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of meeting members of the opposite sex when their friends are also of the opposite sex?

Maybe I'll clarify, most of my social circle are male, and I'm wondering if this is making it harder for me to meet chaps on nights out. I'm the typical introvert who can't approach anyone I take a liking to, but I wonder if being surrounded by 3-4 other chaps, some of whom are rather handsome and all of whom are hyper-intelligent, can discuss anything from astrophysics to ancient Greek types, might be putting people off?

Couldn't be that I'm unapproachable could it? >_<

 

[Kuilui]

While me giving any kind of dating advice is like asking the sun to tone it down a bit, I'll give it a go. Well for one think about how you are acting. Are you slouched over a bar with a sour face on or mostly talking with your guy friends all around you? If your surrounded by dudes and talking with them I know I as a guy would think "Well she's out with her boyfriend and friends obviously, oh look a girl sitting alone over there, much better odds of her being single." If you truly are surrounded by a bunch of guys that does kind of act as a ward for other men in most cases. Assumptions will be made fast and they'll move onto another girl that doesn't have men around her/talking to her or is sitting with just another girl, etc. I'm sure you get my point. The last thing most guys are going to do is walk over to a girl surrounded by dudes because if one of them says something like "shes with me", then he looks like a colossal jerk, is extremely embarrassed and might get into a fight,etc. Approaching people is hard enough without a group of the opposite sex who you say are rather attractive surrounding you. That's a wall right there. Put yourself in a guys shoes looking at you with all your guy friends and imagine how you may feel/think.

I'd also as I said at the start make sure your not sending off any negative signals. Slouched over, neutral/stern/leave me alone face on can turn people away as well. Even if you aren't aware of it most people do it by accident or otherwise. So try to keep your body language in mind and if your looking to get hit on I'd maybe leave your guy friends at home and go to a place where a lot of singles hang out.

That's just my thoughts on your dilemma anyway.

 

[Joseph Harrison]

I know that sometimes girls will surround themselves with dudes to show guys at a bar that they don't want to be flirted with so maybe guys are assuming that.

 

[Eleuthera]

This is coming from a guy who wouldn't approach someone if they were wearing an "Please approach me"-t-shirt, so take with a(n un)healthy amount of salt.

A lone girl surrounded by a bunch of guys (attractive or not) is presumed (by me) to be taken. Heck if there's a group of girls with just one guy I still assume he'll be the boyfriend of one of them, and since I don't know which one they're all "taken" until moreinformation becomes available (but I admit that last part is probably just me...)

 

[gazumped]

When I go out I tend to go out with groups of guy friends. I have been approached a couple of times, but only when I am away from my group - once when I've gone to the bar and once on my way to the toilet. Also when I go out I tend to go to dance clubs and if I'm dancing not with anyone in particular, guys will sometimes come to dance with me.

But if you're in a group all the time (even if you were with girls) it's going to be a lot more awkward for a person to approach you and start coming on to you (it would be assumed you have more important people to concentrate on at the time) and yes, they are probably assuming you're taken by one of the guys. So if you really can't bring yourself to approach someone else remember you will only be approachable if you look at least a little bit like you might actually appreciate someone to give you some company at that moment in time, even if it means taking your time at the bar now and then.

Also, if your friends are up for it, they could be your wingmen and approach cute guys for you? A quick 'my mate fancies you, just so you know' in passing from one of the guys in your group could give someone the confidence/permission to approach you at some point later in the evening, even if you're still with your friends.

 

[Psykoma]

Sorry for going on a little tangent, but it's kind of similar.

What about a woman sitting alone, but like reading a book (or playing a handheld)? Would you consider that as much of a "shouldn't approach" as her hanging around in a group of people?

 

[Legion]

I think what other people have said is the most likely reason. A person of one gender, surrounded by a group of the other is going to have most people assume that the person is in a relationship with one of them.

It is possible body language is a factor as well though. If you are quite physically close with your friends, enough for a stranger to think your behaviour is flirtatious, that might also lead them to assume you are in a relationship.

I imagine most guys wouldn't risk anything in case one of them is your boyfriend and might take offence at their partner being flirted with right in front of them.

Sorry for going on a little tangent, but it's kind of similar.

What about a woman sitting alone, but like reading a book (or playing a handheld)? Would you consider that as much of a "shouldn't approach" as her hanging around in a group of people?

I'd assume that somebody reading a book or something similar wouldn't want to be approached.

It's classic avoidance behaviour. People who want to be spoken to tend to have their body language reflect that. By making eye contact or positioning themselves in such a way that suggests they are open.

If you were standing at a bar and one person looked at you and smiled, while the other didn't acknowledge your presence, then I think in 99% of cases, I'd say it's fair to assume the former is more interested in talking.