I wrote this for my (failed) website a few weeks back, and here it is in all of it's swearing and intensely angry glory. Gets slightly rantish at points, and I decided that after playing through it for a few hours I couldn't take it anymore and had to warn others away from this garbage.
Without further ado, here be my review of Mercenaries 2: World in Flames.
Mercenaries 2 (henceforth referred to as Mercs 2) takes place in a near-future Venezuela, in which a cunning and charismatic guy takes hold of the country, which doesn't seem all that unlikely to be honest, and your guy (or girl) that you play is wronged and therefore seeks vengeance blah blah fucking blah. The story, frankly, sucks. No, I haven't played through the whole game, and I already know the whole story sucks. I'll tell you why I haven't played all the way through the game. It's because the game is retarded. Full-retarded. We're talking Simple Jack retarded (bonus points for who can tell me the reference there). The game expects you to perform Herculean feats (like saving a church, or driving a poorly armored car through a strip mine filled with 'splodey things like grenades, RPGs, and tanks) on a regular basis, while doing menial tasks that are totally appropriate for your character. It's not like you deposed a renegade dictator in North Korea bent on destroying the world with nuclear weapons or anything. Oh, wait...
As a result of these Herculean feats, gameplay suffers, and feels clunky and unintuitive. Driving feels quasi-normal, but switching between weapons on vehicles (like tanks) isn't very user-friendly and driving around sucks, and when one said mission (aforementioned strip mine level) is nothing BUT driving around, it gets fucking ridiculous. Switching around weapons on foot is a lot easier, but it makes you wonder why they'd jettison that kind of ease for a different button. Consistency makes gamers happy, kids. The camera is rather uncooperative, and if you happen to bump it only slightly, you have to end up soaking up shots while maneuvering the camera back around to the area you want it. Speaking of that, the physics in this game are absolutely fucked-in-half broken. I wasn't aware that cars could magically fly into the air remarkably undamaged from the amazing elasticity of a monster-truck tire bouncing against a rock. This same level also introduced me to the 1997-esque checkpoint racing game. I was aware that timed checkpoint races were dead, or at least the ones where you have to hit a specific point. GTA 4 had possibly the best racing programming ever, where you need to pass an area, not a specific point. After having that, going back is remarkably difficult.
Graphically, the game is really purdy, which detailed character models, good vehicle models, and nice explosion effects, but even the pretty explosions don't make up for the fact that the game will inevitably begin to wear on your nerves only after an hour or so of gameplay. Mercs 2 is a game that should pride itself on it's graphical prowess. Because it sure as hell doesn't have anything else going for it.
Sound is probably the worst of the bunch, with uninspired guitar wails that would make Hendrix blush in shame and switch to acid harmonica solos. Not to mention that every time you fail a mission (which is probably pretty frequently) and reattempt it, there is no variation in mission commentary. Once again, GTA 4 trumps Mercs 2 with it's varied (and at least entertaining) mission instructions/idle chit-chat. Mercs 2 just feels forced and hackneyed. You'll probably crack a grin or two during some of the cutscenes though.
In my final conclusion of Mercs 2, I feel it's trying too hard. It's pulling itself in a bazillion different directions, trying to please everyone by doing a little bit of everthing and it ultimately stretches itself too thin over everything. I found this game not worth the 65 dollars I plunked down for it, especially owing to the fact that I was promised the moon and stars by EA and was handed a grimy McDonalds cup with filled with AIDS and fail. This really hit me hard because I loved the first Mercenaries so much. It was one of the greatest sleeper hits of all time and is worth the 10 bucks or so you'll spend on a used copy. I heartily recommend the first Mercs. The second one was such a letdown. Everything that made the first Mercs fun and easy to immediately pick up and play was removed by EA's "Originality, Ease of Play, and Fun" censorship division. Once again, EA proves to be the Bizarro King Midas; everything it touches turns to shit.
Sticky's Final Grade: D+
+ Pretty graphics
+ Some genuinely funny moments
- Stupid missions
- Stupid sound
- Stupid Gameplay
- More EA faggotry
ASIDE: As you can see, a combination of post-midnight reviewing and severe game-related butthurt wasn't exactly the greatest recipe for a good review, but in keeping with my opinions, I'd say give this no more than a rental It'll probably start wearing on you pretty quickly.
Without further ado, here be my review of Mercenaries 2: World in Flames.
Mercenaries 2 (henceforth referred to as Mercs 2) takes place in a near-future Venezuela, in which a cunning and charismatic guy takes hold of the country, which doesn't seem all that unlikely to be honest, and your guy (or girl) that you play is wronged and therefore seeks vengeance blah blah fucking blah. The story, frankly, sucks. No, I haven't played through the whole game, and I already know the whole story sucks. I'll tell you why I haven't played all the way through the game. It's because the game is retarded. Full-retarded. We're talking Simple Jack retarded (bonus points for who can tell me the reference there). The game expects you to perform Herculean feats (like saving a church, or driving a poorly armored car through a strip mine filled with 'splodey things like grenades, RPGs, and tanks) on a regular basis, while doing menial tasks that are totally appropriate for your character. It's not like you deposed a renegade dictator in North Korea bent on destroying the world with nuclear weapons or anything. Oh, wait...
As a result of these Herculean feats, gameplay suffers, and feels clunky and unintuitive. Driving feels quasi-normal, but switching between weapons on vehicles (like tanks) isn't very user-friendly and driving around sucks, and when one said mission (aforementioned strip mine level) is nothing BUT driving around, it gets fucking ridiculous. Switching around weapons on foot is a lot easier, but it makes you wonder why they'd jettison that kind of ease for a different button. Consistency makes gamers happy, kids. The camera is rather uncooperative, and if you happen to bump it only slightly, you have to end up soaking up shots while maneuvering the camera back around to the area you want it. Speaking of that, the physics in this game are absolutely fucked-in-half broken. I wasn't aware that cars could magically fly into the air remarkably undamaged from the amazing elasticity of a monster-truck tire bouncing against a rock. This same level also introduced me to the 1997-esque checkpoint racing game. I was aware that timed checkpoint races were dead, or at least the ones where you have to hit a specific point. GTA 4 had possibly the best racing programming ever, where you need to pass an area, not a specific point. After having that, going back is remarkably difficult.
Graphically, the game is really purdy, which detailed character models, good vehicle models, and nice explosion effects, but even the pretty explosions don't make up for the fact that the game will inevitably begin to wear on your nerves only after an hour or so of gameplay. Mercs 2 is a game that should pride itself on it's graphical prowess. Because it sure as hell doesn't have anything else going for it.
Sound is probably the worst of the bunch, with uninspired guitar wails that would make Hendrix blush in shame and switch to acid harmonica solos. Not to mention that every time you fail a mission (which is probably pretty frequently) and reattempt it, there is no variation in mission commentary. Once again, GTA 4 trumps Mercs 2 with it's varied (and at least entertaining) mission instructions/idle chit-chat. Mercs 2 just feels forced and hackneyed. You'll probably crack a grin or two during some of the cutscenes though.
In my final conclusion of Mercs 2, I feel it's trying too hard. It's pulling itself in a bazillion different directions, trying to please everyone by doing a little bit of everthing and it ultimately stretches itself too thin over everything. I found this game not worth the 65 dollars I plunked down for it, especially owing to the fact that I was promised the moon and stars by EA and was handed a grimy McDonalds cup with filled with AIDS and fail. This really hit me hard because I loved the first Mercenaries so much. It was one of the greatest sleeper hits of all time and is worth the 10 bucks or so you'll spend on a used copy. I heartily recommend the first Mercs. The second one was such a letdown. Everything that made the first Mercs fun and easy to immediately pick up and play was removed by EA's "Originality, Ease of Play, and Fun" censorship division. Once again, EA proves to be the Bizarro King Midas; everything it touches turns to shit.
Sticky's Final Grade: D+
+ Pretty graphics
+ Some genuinely funny moments
- Stupid missions
- Stupid sound
- Stupid Gameplay
- More EA faggotry
ASIDE: As you can see, a combination of post-midnight reviewing and severe game-related butthurt wasn't exactly the greatest recipe for a good review, but in keeping with my opinions, I'd say give this no more than a rental It'll probably start wearing on you pretty quickly.
