Pretty much a thread for the oldtimers to reminisce about the first time they shouted at children for playing on their lawn and simultaneously realized that they have hit another milestone in adulthood.
I'll give you an example, recently I've been playing Wolfenstein: New Order, and as beautiful as the game is, as great as the physics of the guns handles, I just can't get into it. And it's all because of my burgeoning adult cynicism taking the piss out of the plot every step I take. After I freed myself from the hospital and rescued my fair damsel from the Nazis I drove to her Grandparents house. Grandparents who welcome me with loving arms despite the fact that I am in a straight-jacket covered in blood, armed with a knife, and have the chubby face of a Midwestern serial killer, and oh by the way their is a Nazi officer in the trunk of my car. All I could think to myself if this was the real world Grammy and Grandpa would have the double barrel in good ol Block Sampson's face, take Anja behind them, and say he can hit the road because the last thing they want is this kind of shit in their lives. But no, they eat dinner and pray and then they let good old Duke Nukem casually torture the aforementioned Nazi officer in his basement. Why? Because Chainsaws are awesome and we need to give Brock Nukem some direction to go in as he litters the countryside with the corpses of jackbooted stormtroopers.
And after all that I realized that despite the attempts to ape some of the more sophisticated moments out of Inglorious Bastards (the card scene) this essentially was that game. The teenage self insertion power fantasy where your awesomeness wins the day no matter how bleak the world is around you. That became all the the more clear when after the card scene Anja clumsily suggests we can fuck in the train, which we do. Anja who has so far shared maybe 25 words with the my doughy duke avatar wants to sleep with him/me because... well... I'm awesome? Didn't you see how many people I murdered just to carry your unconscious body into a getaway car to essentially push you into being an accomplice to my murderous rampage? I guess we can't blame her for wanting to jump his bones before we've even left the first act. Perhaps she was the kind of girl who was sexually aroused by the Buffalo Bill scenes in Silence of the Lambs. And after that scene I realized that if I was fourteen again I would've thought this was the shit. Photo realistic side boob, front row pass to the Nazi throat buffet, robo dogs, and dual assault rifles? I almost feel cheated that my equivalent to this was handing out dollar bills to see pixel titties and blasting pigs in cop uniforms in the face with my trusty double barrel in Duke Nukem 3d.
But alas it has no appeal to me anymore, if it were campy and self aware perhaps, but the tone takes it all so seriously that it moves into that embarrassing awkward teenage Scifi juvenalia.
Anyway their's my most recent, "Jesus Christ I outgrew this shit and now I am the crotchedy old man I used to mock" gaming moment. What's yours?
I'll give you an example, recently I've been playing Wolfenstein: New Order, and as beautiful as the game is, as great as the physics of the guns handles, I just can't get into it. And it's all because of my burgeoning adult cynicism taking the piss out of the plot every step I take. After I freed myself from the hospital and rescued my fair damsel from the Nazis I drove to her Grandparents house. Grandparents who welcome me with loving arms despite the fact that I am in a straight-jacket covered in blood, armed with a knife, and have the chubby face of a Midwestern serial killer, and oh by the way their is a Nazi officer in the trunk of my car. All I could think to myself if this was the real world Grammy and Grandpa would have the double barrel in good ol Block Sampson's face, take Anja behind them, and say he can hit the road because the last thing they want is this kind of shit in their lives. But no, they eat dinner and pray and then they let good old Duke Nukem casually torture the aforementioned Nazi officer in his basement. Why? Because Chainsaws are awesome and we need to give Brock Nukem some direction to go in as he litters the countryside with the corpses of jackbooted stormtroopers.
And after all that I realized that despite the attempts to ape some of the more sophisticated moments out of Inglorious Bastards (the card scene) this essentially was that game. The teenage self insertion power fantasy where your awesomeness wins the day no matter how bleak the world is around you. That became all the the more clear when after the card scene Anja clumsily suggests we can fuck in the train, which we do. Anja who has so far shared maybe 25 words with the my doughy duke avatar wants to sleep with him/me because... well... I'm awesome? Didn't you see how many people I murdered just to carry your unconscious body into a getaway car to essentially push you into being an accomplice to my murderous rampage? I guess we can't blame her for wanting to jump his bones before we've even left the first act. Perhaps she was the kind of girl who was sexually aroused by the Buffalo Bill scenes in Silence of the Lambs. And after that scene I realized that if I was fourteen again I would've thought this was the shit. Photo realistic side boob, front row pass to the Nazi throat buffet, robo dogs, and dual assault rifles? I almost feel cheated that my equivalent to this was handing out dollar bills to see pixel titties and blasting pigs in cop uniforms in the face with my trusty double barrel in Duke Nukem 3d.
But alas it has no appeal to me anymore, if it were campy and self aware perhaps, but the tone takes it all so seriously that it moves into that embarrassing awkward teenage Scifi juvenalia.
Anyway their's my most recent, "Jesus Christ I outgrew this shit and now I am the crotchedy old man I used to mock" gaming moment. What's yours?
