Most random thing you've overheard

[tappajasieni]

So I was out drinking tonight (still a little tipsy, so please forgive any and all failures in communication) since there's this music festival thingy in my hometown this weekend, and I overheard this random guy tell his (guy) friend (as a joke I hope):

"You know, I should rape you in the anus but I can't be bothered"

The same guy later answered his phone with the following words:

"Balls innnnnnnnnnn my anus!"

So yeah. What's the most random thing someone's said to you / you've overdheard in a while?

 

[Loop Stricken]

"it's working too slowly and now it's spreading!"

-Spoken into a mobile phone, rather loudly, outside the local Co-op. I mean, eww.

 

[DJDarque]

"If it weren't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Ok, so I didn't really overhear that, but it's still relevant.

 

[Bearsheep]

Last year in school I heard the guy in front of me say

" I think if I was a girl I would be a total slut, I would just sleep with everyone.."

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

"If it weren't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Ok, so I didn't really overhear that, but it's still relevant.

That's good, otherwise you might end up with an aneurysm!

OT: I was waiting in line at a coffee shop when some chick on her phone says: "I can't believe he put that in there though, it was so weird."

I didn't want her to clarify that statement, I was happier thinking it was something kosher.

 

[asspills]

(an older man is looking over a glass display case of Lottery Scratch Tickets, tapping the glass overtop of each individual ticket in order from top to bottom.)
(After a long while of doing this): "Hmm.. No lucky ones so far"
Man beside him: ".... uh.. how do you figure which ones are lucky?"
Old guy: *tap tap tap tap tap* "..... Well... The thing about schizophrenia *tap tap tap* is that I can tell which tickets are winners."
Man: "....oh."
Me: (G'sTFO)


True story. Except the part about me fleeing. I was working the till at the time, and was awkwardly standing waiting for him to buy shit. Instead of running, i just turned away from the guy, and hid my expression and laughed into my arm.

 

[hannes2]

"I guess I should stop biting other girls´ boobs."
To be fair, the girl who said that was probably joking.

 

[King Toasty]

"So, so, the government has this, like, secret Antarctic base called HARP that uses microwave energy to cause earthquakes as a media diversion. I saw this History Channel show on it man, the government is evil, man."

Heard from the guy who sits behind me in class. I almost fucking snapped.

Then he went on to talk about 2012, and how the government is covering up alien visitations. THEN he talked about "biological energy" manipulation, time warps in South America, and how astrology totally works. I just left the class.

 

[gCrusher]

"Aw man, it's broken. ...someone must've ripped it off!" - Said just moments before buddy excused himself to go take a leak. On the way out, he noticed one of the tent pegs was snapped and a flap was torn in such a way that it looked like someone just tore it and kept right on going.

Never laughed harder in all my life.

 

[redisforever]

I was on a bus, on the way home from a school trip, and, out of nowhere, I hear my teacher yell, "Who stole my mushroom?!"

Yeah. Turns out he was playing Mario Kart, over wireless with some students, but that was weird.

 

[Grimh]

Well as I was walking down the street last week, an old gentleman started threatening me with his cane and telling me to keep my brainwashing drugs away from his wife while cautiously circling around me, he was alone. When he had passed me, he instantly went back to normal.

He didn't even look back at me to make sure I wasn't following him with a syringe full of brain-scramble juice. Amateur!

Though when he singled out me like that he hurt my feelings.

 

[CerealKiller214]

I was eating in a restaurant with my family and suddenly a kid and his father came out of the toilet. The father came out first and the kid was running after him screaming, "Dad, you forgot to wash your hands!" Everyone was looking at him. Then he said, "No, I didn't" The kid replied with, "Yes, you did" Then he stopped trying.

 

[skitzo van]

This is one my buddy heard, "Dude! I put a shamwow in a couch and fucked it, and it felt great! But I had to clean it up with paper towels afterwards..." I think he heard it in his math class and was desperately trying not to laugh.

 

[Sammisaurus]

There's this guy in my physics class that I always start listening to at the wrong times! My favorites of his are "You've just got to scream like a midget eating ice cream!" and "If you're ever on a beach you could use the sugar cookie method and cover yourself in sand for camouflage!"

 

[Shadowfaze]

"...And then my boyfriend jimmy bit a chunk out of his face." I was on a train at the time. I don't why jimmy bit this person, but by the state of his supposed girlfriend, im guessing hes a chav thug...

 

[HDi]

I used to work in a gallery, selling really expensive landscape photographs. This kinda scruffy walks in an looks around for a bit before approaching the counter...


Guy: These are really beautiful.

Me: Yeah, aren't they?

Guy: Yeah I'd buy one - but I'm not gonna be living in the city for much longer.

Me: Oh, that's OK. You can still have photos on your wall if you live in the country. Where are you going to?

Guy: Aww, I don't know. Out into the wilderness somewhere. Maybe in the mountains.

Me: Oh cool, are you gonna build a log cabin or something?

Guy: Nah, fuck that. I'll just live in a cave.

 

[Sandacious]

The best thing I ever overheard (though I suspect it was an in-joke rather than on the fly) was this exchange:

Gent 1: Would you like me to describe what I did to your mum last night?
Gent 2: The only thing you'll be describing is a parabola when I boot you out the window.

 

[kuposenpai]

by my friend: "Take off your pants and be somebody!"
By me: "It's magical, like a pancake in the sky."

 

[Dango]

"IT WAS MAHOGANY!"

Something my friend's mom yelled at him.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

Some person: ...so I took my dick out and-
Girl next to him: Then it disappeared into onblivion because it's so small.

I love ease dropping.