well, this is a pretty straight forward question: what should i do if my friend is hitting on a girl i know already has a boyfriend? this was also a way of making a move that could not be interpreted any other way. lots of lip-biting, hand holding, holding close. not looking for responses saying that he might not be hitting on her.
My friend is hitting on a girl that has a boyfriend...
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If she's holding his hand back, she's just as much at fault as he is. She's the one with something to lose. He only has his morality to lose.
If I were you, I would ask HER how she feels about it and if she doesn't appreciate it, tell him to back off. If he doesn't and she doesn't like it, I'm sure she'd tell her boyfriend. If she doesn't, then it's a pretty clear sign what she is.
Also, if you're friends with her boyfriend and you think she actually enjoys it, be a good friend and tell him. Some people say to not get involved and stay out of other's love life, but when someone stoops so low as to cheat then it's worth risking their friendship.
If I were you, I would ask HER how she feels about it and if she doesn't appreciate it, tell him to back off. If he doesn't and she doesn't like it, I'm sure she'd tell her boyfriend. If she doesn't, then it's a pretty clear sign what she is.
Also, if you're friends with her boyfriend and you think she actually enjoys it, be a good friend and tell him. Some people say to not get involved and stay out of other's love life, but when someone stoops so low as to cheat then it's worth risking their friendship.
I'd recommend to him not to do anything while she's with the guy, just so he doesn't get a bad reputation (LOCK UP YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND YOUR WIVES, >INSERT FRIEND'S NAME HERE< IS ABOUT!) butttt, if she's responding well to this treatment, I'm not entirely sure he's making a mistake hitting on her.
I was with my last boyfriend for 10 months because he was my first love and I was determined to make it work. I met some guy a month and a half into that relationship who liked me and was very obvious about it, it helped me realise my last relationship wasn't worth salvaging and I accepted my end with my ex gracefully and ended up with the other guy (and have been with him for a year and I love him very much and wouldn't even consider leaving him now)
Of course your friend may end up getting shot down and his heart broken
but that's the risk you take with romance in any situation, really.
I was with my last boyfriend for 10 months because he was my first love and I was determined to make it work. I met some guy a month and a half into that relationship who liked me and was very obvious about it, it helped me realise my last relationship wasn't worth salvaging and I accepted my end with my ex gracefully and ended up with the other guy (and have been with him for a year and I love him very much and wouldn't even consider leaving him now)
Of course your friend may end up getting shot down and his heart broken
but that's the risk you take with romance in any situation, really.
I say leave it and don't interfere. She knows she has a boyfriend so there really is no reason to act like he is in the wrong. And I presume your friend knows that cheating is wrong. So I would hold my consel. Unless your friend asks you for advice, in which case tell him to tell the girl to break up with her boyfriend first and then to be with him.
Honestly, not really your problem.
I would stay away from it. They probably know what they're doing is wrong (although this is relative).
If you really want to do something, you can tell him how you feel about it. Maybe tell him to put himself on the boyfriend's shoes. He might see some sense on what you have to say or completely ignore and say "Thanks for the concern but it's my life".
But again, their problem, not yours.
I would stay away from it. They probably know what they're doing is wrong (although this is relative).
If you really want to do something, you can tell him how you feel about it. Maybe tell him to put himself on the boyfriend's shoes. He might see some sense on what you have to say or completely ignore and say "Thanks for the concern but it's my life".
But again, their problem, not yours.
That's more then just hitting on, and if you are friends with the girls boyfriend, tell himOfficer Crayon said:
It's not your problem. To be honest, it's not even really his problem.
If someone is in a relationship, that's their business. It's up to them to keep the terms of the relationship whatever those terms might be (and assuming doing things with other people is even off limits). I doubt your friend is Count Dracula seducing chaste young virgins with his hypnotic gaze, so really if anything is actually going on there she's completely complicit. It's her relationship and her life.
The only thing you can do is ask him if he's really comfortable with what he's doing, if he is.. well.. that's his choice. If you're uncomfortable with it back away and don't involve yourself in the situation, but you can't lecture him on what to do unless he asks for your advice.
If someone is in a relationship, that's their business. It's up to them to keep the terms of the relationship whatever those terms might be (and assuming doing things with other people is even off limits). I doubt your friend is Count Dracula seducing chaste young virgins with his hypnotic gaze, so really if anything is actually going on there she's completely complicit. It's her relationship and her life.
The only thing you can do is ask him if he's really comfortable with what he's doing, if he is.. well.. that's his choice. If you're uncomfortable with it back away and don't involve yourself in the situation, but you can't lecture him on what to do unless he asks for your advice.
So does hand holding and holding close.dmase said:
Also I assume lip biting is biting your own lower lip or am I just being naive?
Discreetly inform him that she has a boyfriend. And then let him proceed as he sees fit.
We have a standing agreement that if one of us is hitting it off with a girl, it's the responsibility of the rest of us to find out if she is in a relationship and then get that info to the friend.
And depending on the progress/signals we take according action.
We have a standing agreement that if one of us is hitting it off with a girl, it's the responsibility of the rest of us to find out if she is in a relationship and then get that info to the friend.
And depending on the progress/signals we take according action.
Make sure he knows about the fact she's seeing someone, then run the hell away from the situation. I had a situation where me and a girl really liked each other but were both in relationships and trust me, mean to do good all you want but it just gets in the way. Offer advice if he asks, but only if he approaches you to ask for it.
Only time it then becomes acceptable to intervene is if it starts to get physical. Being cheated on is an absolute ***** and no one deserves it, and the karma cost for cheating on someone or being instrumental in the cheating is way higher than it's worth. If they want to pursue something then it's fine, as long as they don't start until after she's broken up with the guy. Trust me, "I'm leaving you because I like someone else" is still about a trillion times better than being cheated on.
Only time it then becomes acceptable to intervene is if it starts to get physical. Being cheated on is an absolute ***** and no one deserves it, and the karma cost for cheating on someone or being instrumental in the cheating is way higher than it's worth. If they want to pursue something then it's fine, as long as they don't start until after she's broken up with the guy. Trust me, "I'm leaving you because I like someone else" is still about a trillion times better than being cheated on.
And what if he already knows, or that the girl is wanting to cheat (as I gather from your original question), why should you get involved in a thing that is none of your business? Are you his nanny/chaperon or something?
Plus, the guy can construct that you want to separate them out of envy or jealousy, and it can damage your relationship. If he is already "in love", there is nothing you can do to pull him from her without endangering your friendship. If my friends wanted to pull me away from some chick I like because she is "seeing someone else", I'd be telling them to piss off.
So let him go, let him deal with his own experiences himself. He is a big boy, not a child.
Plus, the guy can construct that you want to separate them out of envy or jealousy, and it can damage your relationship. If he is already "in love", there is nothing you can do to pull him from her without endangering your friendship. If my friends wanted to pull me away from some chick I like because she is "seeing someone else", I'd be telling them to piss off.
So let him go, let him deal with his own experiences himself. He is a big boy, not a child.
I would not get involved. Besides it sounds like neither of them really give a damn about relationships as it is. He is willing to get between two people that are in already in a relationship, and she is willing to reciprocate close intimacy when she is already involved with someone. Neither of them seem to care.
Let them do what they want.
Let them do what they want.
I asked my husband something like this once, his answer was: "If she doesn't have a boyfriend, I'm competing with every other man out there; if she does, I'm only competing with one man...and one man I can beat, no sweat."
These are your options:
1. Tell the boyfriend, if you know him and are a friend or just have a good conscience.
2. Tell the friend he's going to end up blowing things up in the near future for him if things go bad.
3. Don't say a thing and stay away from it to let the three of them sort it out.
The cons to the first is you'll probably lose your friend, the second you'll probably lose the girl's boyfriend (if he's your friend). The cons to the third is you COULD lose both, but potentially just say 'It's not my business to get involved in'
Very very sticky situation I know.
1. Tell the boyfriend, if you know him and are a friend or just have a good conscience.
2. Tell the friend he's going to end up blowing things up in the near future for him if things go bad.
3. Don't say a thing and stay away from it to let the three of them sort it out.
The cons to the first is you'll probably lose your friend, the second you'll probably lose the girl's boyfriend (if he's your friend). The cons to the third is you COULD lose both, but potentially just say 'It's not my business to get involved in'
Very very sticky situation I know.
