My life is too mundane and lonely (time to vent!)

[BackgroundCharacter]

Can I ramble for a little bit? I have nowhere else to vent.

This will probably be a bit of a downer.

Summer's nearing its end and while I was really happy when it started, I caught myself again wishing for some sort of adventure or vacation to meet people I likely won't meet or a place I likely won't find.

My life is extremely mundane. It's certainly my high standards and strange outlook on life, but those aren't things I'm willing to change about myself. They're what make me myself, I guess.

I'm girlfriendless. By a mixture of choice (I'm extremely goal oriented and can't let having a girlfriend get in the way of what I want to do before I die) and simply being self-aware and realistic.

I'll elaborate on being self-aware.

I would like to think that I'm pretty attractive. I have a nice face, according to some people I know. I have a slim body type, too. That part of me is fine.

What isn't helping me is my outer appearance. I won't change it for any reason, because it's part of what makes me who I am, but I wear cat ears, and art inspired clothing (think final fantasy 8) everywhere I go. My hair is stylish and compliments it well. While I do get frequent positive comments on my attire (things like ?Those cat ears really really suit you? or ?You look great!?), I get the feeling nobody thinks of me as boyfriend material. In fact, I'm almost sure of it. Every time I've had a girl close to me, they don't ask me out, but the people around me.

I also have very high standards for a girlfriend. She has to be able to accept me for who I am and how I look, be cute (I'm just not attracted to girls who are overweight), be open minded, be able to put up with me not wanting children (extremely important), possibly also wear art inspired clothing (unrealistic and won't happen. I can live without this, I guess), and possibly wear cat ears, too (unrealistic I'm well aware of that. People who wear animal ears are already rare. I don't have the luxury of finding people like me at some sort of con because kemonomimi (animal ears/tail on an otherwise human person) is not a fandom like mlp or furries. Adding all my other criteria to it just makes it completely unrealistic.).

This is a part of the mundaneness. The people I want only exist in fiction or are less than .01% of the entire population. While I am well aware of this, I couldn't settle for much less. It could be because I don't want a girlfriend just because I need to be loved. I love myself and that's all I need. It's more because I've always wanted to be around someone like that. While I don't need a girlfriend and therefore don't actively look for one, I could make an exception for someone like that. It makes me sad that the reality is I won't meet anyone like that, at least in my youth when it would matter. I'm well aware of how people like this don't exist. I don't need a reminder because I remind myself of it all the time. And while every once in a while a small shred of hope that people like that exist comes along while I'm surfing the internet, that doesn't mean I'll find people like that in my city, let alone my entire state.

This being the case, all I ever do is entertain myself every day (actually, this kind of sounds like my last thread a little bit). I've actually been many times more productive on my down time than I used to be, so I've kind of learned to enjoy the quiet time. The thing is, I don't have a choice but to have quiet time. There aren't any places for me to go for entertainment. I still don't get much chance to be with my friends because they're always busy at work or with their friends (they don't invite me places anymore because I don't have a car). I see movies and interesting pieces of art and I wonder why my life can't be that way and it makes me sad, but I don't know what to do about it. To try to change my expectations for life would make everything feel insincere and I'd probably regret it down the road. It's lose-lose.

When it comes down to it, maybe I'm unique. The thing is, I don't want to be unique. I sincerely wish I could find like minded people, but it just isn't possible. I'm too much of a dreamer and always have been.

So every day I sit here listening to music and the faint ?whirr!? of my computer fan, in front of my computer drawing pictures and playing video games until the sun goes down every day. I really have nothing to look forward to. Everyday is lukewarm on an emotional scale. It's a horrible feeling. I feel wasted with every day having the same low/nonexistent potential as the last. I want something that sincerely makes me feel happy or satisfied or something that will cut a hole in the everyday mundaneness to happen, but it never comes. :/

edit:

My age isn't important.

This is an alternate account I've made for venting, pretty much, so while it may seem like I'm a little immature, it's because I don't have to hold anything back and I can express my thoughts more clearly. It makes for more useful conversations. Also, it allows me to think about myself and what's bothering me as well (almost like a journal or something), since I'm typing all of my thoughts out.

I'll be ignoring any questions about my age from now on.

 

[DugMachine]

While you should be yourself maybe losing the cat ears and "art inspired clothing" might help. I don't know, I tend to keep my hobbies and geeky things to myself when out in general public unless I know the people I'm with won't judge or ridicule me.

And you're not that unique, I think most people go through lull in their lives. Periods of little to no social interaction and just going by doing the same routine day after day. It won't change though if you're not willing to change some things about you.

Already I can tell you have some pretty odd standards for women. You basically want a female version of you and I can tell you having a partner that's exactly like you is just awful. Some people make it work but it never has for me. And wanting a life like the ones in fiction has just gotta go. It's fiction for a reason, there really is no way around it. You just have to get past that somehow and stop trying to live some sort of anime life.

 

[krazykidd]

Well there's your problem . You're expectations are so high . You don't go out looking for a girl . Especially since it looks like you are looking for something serious . It kinda just happens . Also , it seems like you are looking for the "ideal" girl for you . People have flaws , and you aren't ever gonna be 100% compatible with someone . Gotta mix and match a bit .

And there no trick to meeting people either . Just gotta do it . I'll give an example . The saturday i saw these two girl i found cute , i was looking for a way to talk to them . So i just walked up to both of them , and asked " hey are you girls lesbians ?". It has to be the worst way to start a conversation but it worked . I ended up getting one of the girls numbers , and i'm seeing her tomorrow .

You can't be too picky , unless you are really looking for " THE ONE " , and even then , compromise is key.

 

[hazabaza1]

If I had to take a guess it's probably because you're a background character.
Talk to someone about becoming a main character or even having a side role and things should be better.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

While you should be yourself maybe losing the cat ears and "art inspired clothing" might help. I don't know, I tend to keep my hobbies and geeky things to myself when out in general public unless I know the people I'm with won't judge or ridicule me.

And you're not that unique, I think most people go through lull in their lives. Periods of little to no social interaction and just going by doing the same routine day after day. It won't change though if you're not willing to change some things about you.

Already I can tell you have some pretty odd standards for women. You basically want a female version of you and I can tell you having a partner that's exactly like you is just awful. Some people make it work but it never has for me. And wanting a life like the ones in fiction has just gotta go. It's fiction for a reason, there really is no way around it. You just have to get past that somehow and stop trying to live some sort of anime life.

Well, I did mean unique as in, my passions are not shared by the vast majority. I wish they were, but there's no way around it.

The thing about not wearing what I like out in public is that before when I used to suppress wearing what I want and instead just wore t-shirts and jeans every day, I felt even less satisfied with life than I do now. I learned to live for myself and do what I want while I can in this lifetime and thus started expressing myself in public. As far as I can tell, the feedback I've been getting has been completely and totally positive (I was also ignored by women before I started wearing art inspired attire, so I have no gauge. What I mentioned before is just a hunch or an educated guess based off of what I think is the case). I guess it goes back to the concept of "self-actualization". It's not that I'm a nonconformist, though, don't misunderstand. I'm just not a fan of what happens to be the normal, everyday appearance. It bores me. I'd wear the same thing if it were mainstream.

I've heard that having someone just like you can be terrible, but it's not that I want her to be just like me, I guess. She could still have her own personality that could be quite different than mine. I just want someone whose tastes are on the same wavelength to make me feel less alone. The thing is, I'm unlucky because my tastes are completely dreamy. My chances of being self-actualized down the road are second to none and nothing I do can ever change that. Maybe it's the mindset of an artist. I don't know.

I wish my tastes weren't so unpopular. But even if I try to change them, they'd still be there. They'll just be unfulfilled and make me unhappy, like I've just given up on them.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

If I had to take a guess it's probably because you're a background character.
Talk to someone about becoming a main character or even having a side role and things should be better.

ahaha

I wish I could, man, but people don't identify with me.

Maybe I can get a filler episode though.

 

[Cabisco]

If I had to take a guess it's probably because you're a background character.
Talk to someone about becoming a main character or even having a side role and things should be better.

ahaha

I wish I could, man, but people don't identify with me.

Maybe I can get a filler episode though.

Join something, anything. I did the slightly extreme choice of running off to uni and damn it was some of the best years of my life. That would be my advice anyway, background characters can appear in multiple levels, get to that second level damn it!

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

If I had to take a guess it's probably because you're a background character.
Talk to someone about becoming a main character or even having a side role and things should be better.

ahaha

I wish I could, man, but people don't identify with me.

Maybe I can get a filler episode though.

Join something, anything. I did the slightly extreme choice of running off to uni and damn it was some of the best years of my life. That would be my advice anyway, background characters can appear in multiple levels, get to that second level damn it!

I'm actually about to go into my final 2 semesters of college. College was boring. Being a computer scientist is pretty boring. It was all pretty underwhelming. >_>

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

You're setting your expectations too high. Not on the standards of your girlfriend of choice -- oh please, you know, quirky, moderately attractive, certain height or hair color, good personality -- but you're also expecting that, come the XY chromosome, all your boredom and emotional estrangement is going to go away. Considering you get a girlfriend or remeet with your friends, what are you going to do with her? Take her some place? You don't have a car. Play games with her at home? It could work. Go on a walk around the park? Sure, but you can do that now. Wait for a party instead of actually hosting one? You're relying on random events there, and that's never a good thing to base your time on. Where are you now? You're the exact same place, and then you'd be relying on your girlfriend to pull you out of your banality, and you can't rely on a person to do help you simply because they're your significant other, that's what they do, right?.

Same can be said of friends. They won't help you out of obligation because that's your job, isn't it?

I ask you, what are you going to do about it?

 

[Foolery]

I'm girlfriendless. By a mixture of choice (I'm extremely goal oriented and can't let having a girlfriend get in the way of what I want to do before I die) and simply being self-aware and realistic.

That's not such a terrible thing. Relationships aren't the be-all, end-all, human experience. Seriously. Don't let societal expectations tell you otherwise. Being with someone isn't a necessity in life, it's a bonus. If it happens for you, great. But don't stress over it.

I wear cat ears

Keep that junk at home. No offense. It would definitely help yourself out socially.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

This thread has gotten interesting while I was gone.

I wasn't expecting so many replies.
I guess I'll get to work on replying, myself.

When you're young, you are taught that you are unique snowflake.

When you're older, you realize life is a blizzard.

Speaking in the most generic terms, society won't accept outliers, you must conform.

Now, I can hear those people who would interrupt, "But, I need to be me, no one can take away my--"

I'm just calling it like it is. It's not should be, or ought to be, or wouldn't it be better if, I'm saying in very simple terms, that's how it is. Conform, or be ignored.

I know that doesn't sound pleasant. I despise the beer-guzzling, sports-watching, party-throwing, sex-crazed fratboy image that young adult men are "supposed" to be. I know that I will never, ever be that, not even if I fake it just to fit in.

So where does that leave us? We pretty much have to carve our own niche.

You alone are responsible for you own happiness. No one is going to fulfill your wishes simply on account of your uniqueness. You must take action. You are the agent of change in your life.

I like the way you think. I just wish I knew where to start in this "taking action".

People don't owe you shit. It's not about what you want, it's what you give. What value are you to everyone else? What can you offer?

I don't know what I offer, I guess. Now that you bring it up, I always thought that simply because we're friends and we brighten each other's day by hanging out that we would want to keep that up. Is that not enough?

Huh. I guess not. Maybe in the end, it's not worth hanging out with me because other people simply offer more reason. I thought I was fun enough for people to want to be around, but maybe I'm not.

It sucks that you're being left out because you don't have your own transportation, but that happens to be one of the quirks of our culture. There is an expectation that adults are able to provide for themselves, and those who cannot aren't making the grade, socially. Of course, this varies wildly from large cities to rural towns - public transportation and local cost of living can alter how viable owning a car is, but if your friends all have cars and you don't, chances are you've become a burden. Again, what are you offering?

Well, it's just that I'm not even getting the opportunity. They don't even mention when they're hanging out. They just disappear for 2 days or so, then come back and say "I was playing x with [friend]" or "I was at [friend]'s house" or something. Maybe I could find a way there if I were given a chance. I do have a card for public transit.

One of them even said he would start telling me when they hang out and never did.

Maybe I'm just not that important.

Speaking in terms of getting a girlfriend, you will get much more out of life by compromising rather than standing obstinately and demanding acceptance. If you can't go with the flow, you sink like a stone.

If I compromise, then that would take out the stylish clothing and the cat ears. It's still not very likely.

It's not all bad news. You seem to have a positive self-image and you are not depressed - there's not shortage of depressed folks around these boards, and none of them would describe their days as "lukewarm" on an emotional scale. You're just experiencing ordinary ennui. It sounds to me like you need some encouragement to to continue to seek out other artist-types. Find the people who stand out rather than blend in.

I wish I knew where to look. I don't have any options since I don't meet the criteria for any social niches.

You're bound to find some like minds, maybe not immediately, but the more people you try, the better your odds of finding some. But you must approach people knowing that you fall outside expectations of "normal", and not everyone is comfortable with that. The farther you deviate, the fewer people will tolerate it. If you want to get results faster, or with less effort, it's time to reign it in and take a few steps back towards "ordinary".

All true. The encouraging part is that I was able to find a lot of tolerant friends while wearing the cat ears. People really are great. Greater than some would like to give them credit.

I just wish I got to see them more often. People don't realize how much I appreciate them. Or perhaps they've forgotten. I don't know.

In any case, I'm not in a position where I would need to stop wearing cat ears or cool clothing, at least. They're not driving people away and in fact attract people and act as a talking point.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

You're setting your expectations too high. Not on the standards of your girlfriend of choice -- oh please, you know, quirky, moderately attractive, certain height or hair color, good personality -- but you're also expecting that, come the XY chromosome, all your boredom and emotional estrangement is going to go away.

Well, don't misunderstand. Having a girlfriend isn't that important to me. But she would help me escape the constant deadline of activity my life seems to be right now. Right now, I have nothing that makes life not mundane.

If my life were more interesting in other ways, I probably wouldn't even think about not having a girlfriend or never meeting the ideal person.

Considering you get a girlfriend or remeet with your friends, what are you going to do with her? Take her some place? You don't have a car.

I could get one if I were motivated.

Wait for a party instead of actually hosting one?

Well... >_>

That does sound like me.

You're relying on random events there, and that's never a good thing to base your time on. Where are you now? You're the exact same place, and then you'd be relying on your girlfriend to pull you out of your banality, and you can't rely on a person to do help you simply because they're your significant other, that's what they do, right?.

Same can be said of friends. They won't help you out of obligation because that's your job, isn't it?

I ask you, what are you going to do about it?

You bring up some really good points. Relying on random events never seemed to work for me.

I'm just not really confident as the thrower of parties or the leader of events. I don't know why.

It's funny, they say my personality type is ENTJ. I think I used to be a leader, but I stopped because nothing I'm interested in ever came up.

In any case, I think I'm sure that an adventure or a vacation is exactly what I need. I'm not comfortable leading, but I do need to seek out the things that I want out of life. I guess in that case, I'm sort of planning on taking action.

That isn't enough, though, is it? Perhaps I need to make time to take matters into my own hands every day. Not just in one big adventure. But when it comes to ideas, I come up short. I don't fit any social niches, so I don't know where to look for people like me. The problem is, that's exactly where I'd start.

My music tastes aren't mainstream, so I can't simply go to concerts.

I can think of the food I'd want to eat, but going out to eat more often wouldn't really strike me as less mundane. Hmm...

Summer's nearing its end and while I was really happy when it started, I caught myself again wishing for some sort of adventure or vacation to meet people I likely won't meet or a place I likely won't find.

You want some advice, packaged in nerdy metaphor?

Bilbo had his adventure. It started when he didn't get to have the second breakfast he wanted.

Adventures happen when you stretch yourself out of your comfort zones. When you try things you don't already know you'll enjoy. When there's mystery and challenge and there's the chance that things could go wrong. It sounds like you are including meeting someone in your notion of having an adventure, but you've got a really strict set of rules about who that person has to be. You call them "high standards", but it sounds like what you really want to meet is someone who is exactly like yourself, only female. That's not really "standards". Taken to an extreme, it could be called a sort of narcissism. If you want a real adventure, why not try to make friends with people who aren't "safe" matches for everything you like? Try to become close to someone you like because of what they think or what they do, rather than what accessories they wear?

It may not work out at all. But that's what makes it an adventure.

Meeting people with tastes that aren't analogous to mine is all I've ever done because I can't find anyone like me.

You see, The problem isn't that I've only ever spoken to people that are a lot like me. In fact, it's the opposite. And while I do enjoy the diversity, I get jealous of KISS fans or bronies or furries, because they can meet with people that share their interests in very convenient places. They know they exist so there's comfort and a lot of fun in that.

So my adventure would be to find some people that share some of my interests so I can have a feeling like that about something that I am very passionate about.

My tastes are so far removed from everyone I know that I wonder what it's like to be with people that share my thoughts for a change.

Now, my thoughts to find a girl who wears cat ears aren't that ridiculous when you think about it.

If I were a furry, then finding a girl who is also into furries wouldn't be so difficult at all, would it? In fact, a lot of my friends girlfriends are furries.

It's just a shame for me, someone who likes kemonomimi, that's a really difficult thing to find so it sounds like I want someone just like me, when really, I just want someone who shares my passions. Just a girl who I find attractive and wears animal ears is great. But when you factor in my not wanting children (because I don't want to spend the time I could be using achieving my dreams raising a child. Living only to raise a child isn't for me) and my love for stylish clothing, it becomes too unrealistic.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

I'm girlfriendless. By a mixture of choice (I'm extremely goal oriented and can't let having a girlfriend get in the way of what I want to do before I die) and simply being self-aware and realistic.

That's not such a terrible thing. Relationships aren't the be-all, end-all, human experience. Seriously. Don't let societal expectations tell you otherwise. Being with someone isn't a necessity in life, it's a bonus. If it happens for you, great. But don't stress over it.

Like I said before, having a girlfriend isn't that important to me. It's just that my life lacks anything that makes it not mundane.

I wear cat ears

Keep that junk at home. No offense. It would definitely help yourself out socially.

Don't get the wrong idea. I have a lot of friends. I've made a lot of friends because of my ears, because they're a good conversation starter. I've gotten positive comments on my attire wherever I go. Like I said before, people are better than some would give them credit for. At least, in my community, they are.

The only reason why they don't hang out with me is because I don't have a car so they think I have no way to get anywhere, so they don't even let me know anything is happening. One of them used to, but started hanging out with the friends with cars because it's easier for him, I guess.

 

[sanquin]

Maybe you can start arranging something with your friends, rather than waiting for them to invite you? Just call one/a few up and ask if they want to hang out somewhere. Maybe at someone's place, or even at your place? As said, you have to take action instead of just waiting for things to happen.

I was like you years ago. I was passive, waited for things to happen instead of making things happen myself. If I haven't seen friends for a while I'll ask them if they want to hang out. If they agree but it's still not happening, I keep on asking. If I get bored at home I go out and just...go somewhere. I have a motorcycle so that helps as just riding it is already fun for me. But outside of that, I will just go to a park or forest or something and sit there enjoying nature for a bit.

As for the girlfriend thing. Yes, a girlfriend definitely does help break up the monotony of life. I met my girlfriend at my volunteer work at a petting zoo / garden. Now if I don't want to go somewhere and don't feel like playing games I can just call her up. And if she's not working I can go there and...well just be with her for a few hours. But from what I've read about the rest of your life, just having a girlfriend won't be enough for you. It helps, but just a girlfriend won't take away the monotony.

Also about a girlfriend. I don't think you should look for one that shares your interests right from the get-go. Instead search for one that's open-minded about your appearance. My girlfriend used to be pretty "normal" according to society's standards, but open-minded. I bought her cat ears (I love cat ears on girls), I got her to wear more goth-like clothing from time to time (I'm a metalhead), and I took her to a LARP which she loved in the end. Take note though, that relationships take compromises no matter what. I tried to get her to change a little bit, but at the same time I've also changed a little bit for her. I game a lot less now (I'm also a gamer that used to play like 6~8 hours a day), I went to the pool with her (I've always disliked swimming), and I don't complain when she wants to listen to Dutch music. (I hate most Dutch music.) Doesn't mean I'm any less happy or comfortable with myself though.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

I'll go in and echo what the rest already said in the broadest terms: you need to get away from that notion that things will come to you - you aren't entitled to anything. Life is a cruel fucking ***** and it will try to break you. We are subject to forces we can't ever hope to understand nor in any way control and which can end your very existence in the span of a heartbeat or alternatively slowly poison you over the course of decades, painfully cutting you apart limb by limb in a motion so microscopically gradual that you can feel every single fiber of your body and soul slowly being ripped to pieces - the only question you have to ask yourself is, how much of an easy opportunity will it have to catch you? And effectively running away requires consistent training despite your leg being sore like it never was before, developing of skills no matter how tired you are, and, most important of all, the will to not be caught no matter how hopeless and mundanely boring everything seems.

As for the first thing, as the others said, is to stay active and force yourself out of your comfort zone. Humans need experiences and different things once in a while and that goes double for meeting people. Especially if you are looking for some people who share your interests. For instance, you said you need a vacation - then plan somewhere where you want to go and make it happen. I'd suggest just booking a trip somewhere and then doing research as to what you can do there, this will force you to make a plan. Moreover you mentioned that whole thing that you'd bet. You like art, so what about galleries? What about clubs at your college? You still have two semesters - go there you can only profit by it. And music? Holy fuck I listen to those guys [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoUdCPz1cBk] and still saw them three years ago in concert - you just need to keep your eyes peeled and simply take an opportunity when it presents itself. Ohh and as for the whole furry thing - well what's stopping you to just sign up on FA and looking into the IRC or the forum? You know, generally people in a fandom aren't out to torture you to death the moment they find out you aren't into a particular subset of stuff or anything and I'd also guess that Kemonomimi especially are also represented strongly in the case of furrydom. Plus, there is also this bloody forum here as an interesting past-time for discussing stuff and meeting people that you can always use. In general: if you want to find people that share your interest - make an effort. You rarely get stuff served on a silver plate.

Then point number two: even if you do make that effort you might want to set your expectations right. You aren't solely what you wear and what you think you are born as - you are at least equally what you do. And denying this dimension - even implicitly - will earn you scorn. I wouldn't be surprised if for every person that comments on how cute your cat-ears are at least two will roll their eyes and think of you as obnoxious and/or out to get attention. There is a thin line to be tread between obnoxiousness and expressing ones interest. You might want to reassess your attitudes in that regard - are the cat ears really that important to you that you'd risk that? Wouldn't, say, a more benign way of showing what you like be not only more useful in getting more in touch with people but be equally as effective as a way to relay your interest. MonkeyShone has already brought up an example where he only encountered that stuff and I concur in that regard - never saw anybody wearing it except to garner attention which in general not well seen. Furthermore in a reiteration of the first point, but also to strengthen this one: why not work more with your hobby of drawing or "Art" (as I could gather from your post) instead of your general appearance? Art is art - there are bound to be people equally into the artsy side of thingsas you are. Hell, if you already consider your clothing to be artsy you might also consider to go all in with some cosplay groups or so, there are bound to be people around. Just don't expect to be solely someone just because you look funny but because you invest in it from a more productive point of view and don't just restrict yourself to that one thing that makes you, well, you. Humans are generally far more than their parts.

And, finally, the third thing: the will. You see, there are always two ways to seeing new things - as an opportunity or a burden. I'd suggest to not take the mundane as "mundane" anymore. Think back on why you studied Computer Science - I can't believe that was merely a monetary or involuntary decision - not from someone who would go out of his wear cat ears in public. You wanted to do something with it, you wanted to know how it works and what you could do with it, right? So when did that spark of interest that drove you to it vanish? And then ask you how could it? Even mundane things are highly interesting and highly complex - I mean go out and look at the fucking sky. Isn't it so grand and mysterious? How could have forgotten that? And the cool thing is, the sky is a comparably easy phenomenon - people ain't. People are unbelievably complex with so many different attitudes and experiences to share, from that vacation in Tunesia to the subject of research one does for his thesis to the favourite of beer. Since when is mundane stuff automatically boring? It depends on the way you look at it and if we are really honest even the most dire and greyish looking thing might be interesting if you are open minded enough and look at it a little bit more carefully. Example time! Some three years ago a friend of mine brought up the idea to watch the local icehockey team. Me being not much a sports fan except when it comes to the national institution called football and its grand-scale tournaments was very skeptical yet went on regardless. Liked it a bit the first time I saw it, saw it a second time and a third and, well, turns out I'm a fan now with a season pass....so don't just dismiss things or people out of hand - try them and learn about them, you can only win.

As this might have been rambly, in conclusion: Go out and try shit and set your expectations right. Nothing comes from nothing and nothing might come from something but that shouldn't ever stop you from trying....and cake.

 

[Danny Ocean]

Look at what all these people did. Look at what people are continuing to do.
How can you possibly be bored?
​

I'm going to throw some stuff at you and see if any of it sticks--

Here is a quip from my current escapades. It backs up what others have said.

Me: "Stop feeding fucking cats at the table while we're eating- even the restaurant owners don't want you to!"
Girl: "You've got no right to judge me; sorry for being myself!"

Friend: "Don't be sorry, be different."

To which we all burst out laughing and she moped for a while.



We laugh because it flies in in the face of what you're told: be yourself no matter what the cost.

But you know what? He's was right. It's funny because it's true.

You can't impose your personality upon others and expect them to like it just because you think you're so special. That's just arrogant.

You're bored because you're boring, masquerading as interesting.

You know why interesting people are interesting? Because they are interested.

In everything. Even if it's just a little bit.

Obsessives are dull and usually find it hard to find others as obsessed as them.

Get a grip and get out more.

Find a hero to emulate if you like, if it helps. I have three.

 

[BackgroundCharacter]

This thread has really reminded me of how much of an optimist I really am.

I was like you years ago. I was passive, waited for things to happen instead of making things happen myself. If I haven't seen friends for a while I'll ask them if they want to hang out. If they agree but it's still not happening, I keep on asking. If I get bored at home I go out and just...go somewhere. I have a motorcycle so that helps as just riding it is already fun for me. But outside of that, I will just go to a park or forest or something and sit there enjoying nature for a bit.

Well the thing is, I don't want to impose on them. I fell like if I ask them to go somewhere, it'll be a hassle for them, so I generally wait for the to ask me to go somewhere.

Which never happens.

I should change that about myself. More often than not, I want to do something like see a movie, which I can easily get to number of ways, but I never ask anyone. And they never think of me, so I never get invited to go to the movies, either.

I realize this is a weakness of mine. I should ask to go places more, since I'll never know if they want to go if I never ask.

But from what I've read about the rest of your life, just having a girlfriend won't be enough for you. It helps, but just a girlfriend won't take away the monotony.

It's very likely that that's true. I'd feel best if most of my tastes weren't so out of touch with most of the people I know and everyone I meet at college.

I mean, yeah we have similar taste in movies or video games (some of the time), but other times when I've heard particularly interesting music, nobody really gets it. Nobody really gets anything I really like. They'll listen to me talk about it, but they don't really find it that interesting. I can always tell. But when I want to talk about traffic accidents or video games (not even video game development concepts. More along the lines of "I went on a 12 kill streak on LoL the other day"), they're ready to talk.

Which is fine.

But like I said before, I do wonder what it's like to not be so far removed from everyone else.

This is why I've been wishing for an ?adventure? where part of it is me trying to find these people. I want to meet people who share my interests, for once in my life, rather than people who just think my tastes are ?out there?.

And I should elaborate for everyone here ? I'm not talking ?out there? as in ?he's weird, he wears cat ears?, but everything. Even without cat ears, if I were to walk up to most of the people I've ever met and say ?Man this song is amazing!? or ?Man, look at these awesome clothes?, most of them wouldn't sound very impressed. And then I'd be disappointed.

Even if I stopped wearing what I like from day to day, that wouldn't fix the problem I'm having. The problem is that I'm bored of the mundane. I'm sick of unimaginative clothing like blue jeans or shorts that look like swim trunks or flip flops or tshirts or jumpsuits. I'm sick of the same old guitar riffs and unimaginative music that is played on the radio every day.

I'm sick of disney sitcoms, places and clothing that are built not to look aesthetic, but strictly for utility and nothing more. Things that have no touch of an artist kind of bore me.

But for the people I've known forever, these things or things like them are appealing. That's fine for them, but not me.

Simply going on a vacation or adventure to entertain myself would be great, but in the end when I come back, everything would simply reset. I'd be back to everything that's mundane and nobody would understand my thought process yet again. I'd always want to go back to where I was to escape it all.

I need something that would change me and my life so I can share my thoughts with someone without them secretly being uninterested in the things I get excited about or I can know that there is a place that resonates with me and my soul. So many other people have places or people like that, but I don't and so far, despite speaking to people a lot, have not found them.

I guess when it comes down to it, girlfriend or not, I want to know someone understands. Being excited about something that nobody cares about is a lonely feeling. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling as wasted as I do now.

I hope that makes sense.

Also about a girlfriend. I don't think you should look for one that shares your interests right from the get-go. Instead search for one that's open-minded about your appearance. My girlfriend used to be pretty "normal" according to society's standards, but open-minded. I bought her cat ears (I love cat ears on girls), I got her to wear more goth-like clothing from time to time (I'm a metalhead), and I took her to a LARP which she loved in the end. Take note though, that relationships take compromises no matter what. I tried to get her to change a little bit, but at the same time I've also changed a little bit for her. I game a lot less now (I'm also a gamer that used to play like 6~8 hours a day), I went to the pool with her (I've always disliked swimming), and I don't complain when she wants to listen to Dutch music. (I hate most Dutch music.) Doesn't mean I'm any less happy or comfortable with myself though.

A few people have mentioned that I should find an open minded girl and try to get her to wear cat ears, but I can't imagine anyone changing themselves like that for me.

Like yeah, they may wear them for me behind closed doors, but would they really like to wear them, or are they just indulging me?

I'd imagine it'd be kind of like a girlfriend who decided to try to get me to not wear cat ears.

I suppose it would vary from girl to girl. Maybe your girlfriend genuinely likes to wear them. In that case, you're very lucky. ^_^

But knowing my luck (the luck I've been given in terms of just meeting people in general) the girlfriend I find probably wouldn't.

I don't want to impose. I don't want to feel like I'm making an effort to try to shape someone into my ideal.

You see, The problem isn't that I've only ever spoken to people that are a lot like me. In fact, it's the opposite. And while I do enjoy the diversity, I get jealous of KISS fans or bronies or furries, because they can meet with people that share their interests in very convenient places. They know they exist so there's comfort and a lot of fun in that.

Wearing cat ears or certain shirts aren't interests. They're fashion accessories. There is little likelihood that even if you met someone who dresses the same way as you, that they would have the same interests as you.

I suppose not. The thing about them is, if they do wear them, there's a good possibility they also like kemonomimi as much as I do, which is one of my favorite things in the world. There's more than enough material in that area for it to be thought of as an interest.

And my love fashion is also unshared and unappreciated by anyone but me. I mean, like I mentioned before, people will say "You look awesome!" but what is that, really? They don't care enough to try to dress nice themselves. I'm happy for their compliments, but most of them don't share my love for fashion. They'd rather simply wear what's cheap or comfortable or what blends in because they don't want to stand out.

Haven't you ever thought of what it'd be like to have someone close to you who shares your love for one of your favorite things in the world? Like motorcycling or boating or swimming? Or a music artist?

I've never had anyone like that anywhere close to me. Not even as a friend.

I'm serious, even if I were to go to a simple concert for one of my favorite music artists (most of which don't even perform live), none of my friends would go with me.

They're more into 80's rock and stuff. I wish I could get into it, but I can't. sigh

They're not interested in "my kind" of music. Most of them don't even share my tastes for comedy. If I laugh about something, they'll usually say "what is this?" or "this isn't funny" or "This is [name here] humor". I've actually stopped sharing comedy videos with most of the people I know because they just don't care.

Paraphrasing what I said earlier, I'm sick of being the "weird guy". I've never liked it, but I can't change myself.

Now, my thoughts to find a girl who wears cat ears aren't that ridiculous when you think about it.

I'm sorry to say, it kinda is. I've never met a single person (male or female) who habitually wears cat ears. In fact, the only times I've ever met anyone who wears cat ears at all are either when I've met self-professed western otaku desperately trying to call attention to themselves, or when I've met Japanese girls trying to advertise for maid cafes.

I've met one. She lives a couple of towns away, but she's one of my best friend's girlfriends. She wears more kemonomimi accessories than I do (wolf ears and wolf tail. From what I understand, paws sometimes).

She gave me hope that maybe there are more people like us, even if she doesn't know where they might exist.

Other than that, from time to time, my friends used to tell me when they found somewhere who wears ears while they were out.

I know they exist, I just don't know where to look because it's not a proper fandom.

I'm not saying you belong in either group by the way. Just that you have restricted the pool of people who you claim have the same interests as you to such a degree that it's incredibly unlikely you'll ever meet someone who meets your criteria.

heh. Well, what's an adventure without a challenge?

Is my criteria really that specific? Even if I know the people I'm looking for exist, but are just hard to find?

Hmm...

It's just a shame for me, someone who likes kemonomimi, that's a really difficult thing to find so it sounds like I want someone just like me, when really, I just want someone who shares my passions.

Kemonomimi isn't a "passion". It's a decoration. Most people don't define themselves by a single fashion accessory. You're looking for someone who probably doesn't exist. Again, if you want to have a real adventure, I think you need to just interact with real people. Odds are pretty good you will find people who have the same interests you do even if they don't dress the same as you.

I interact with people all the time and none of them have the same interests. Not in music, kemonomimi, fashion, art, or anything.

If it were that easy, I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do. I'm not a recluse. I'm actually quite extroverted.

Kemonomimi isn't just a decoration. What about all of the characters that are made after the concept? They all make me happy. It's one of my favorite things in the world. Or fictional worlds, rather.

But I don't want to elaborate so far on that aspect.

the important thing to note is that I've interacted with people who just think I'm the "weird friend" all their life. Honestly, simply talking to people isn't going to be enough, since it hasn't been enough for my entire life.