Need some advice please

[Abseith]

Hey the story is pretty simple but I'm kinda having trouble dealing with it all basically my girlfriend is pregnant we don't know how far along I only found out just over a week ago and I'm having a hard time adjusting to the whole situation

a little back story first I'm 18 my girlfriends is 17 we've been together on and off for about 2 years and 3-4 months ago we lived with a friend who basically got us all drunk quite a lot now she was on the pill and I thought everything was fine but what I didn't know was that ibuprofen and paracetamol cancel out the pill (good thing for anyone who reads this to take notice btw) and obviously drunk sex etc and here we are now she's pregnant I'm freaking out she's ecstatic

now onto my question

is there a better way for me to get over the shock than just let it pass eventually because its not working and its putting strain on us and secondly what do you think of adoption is there some merit to the idea of it

thanks very much for reading this any and all comments would be greatly appreciated and sorry for the slight wall of text

 

[rutger5000]

Hey the story is pretty simple but I'm kinda having trouble dealing with it all basically my girlfriend is pregnant we don't know how far along I only found out just over a week ago and I'm having a hard time adjusting to the whole situation

a little back story first I'm 18 my girlfriends is 17 we've been together on and off for about 2 years and 3-4 months ago we lived with a friend who basically got us all drunk quite a lot now she was on the pill and I thought everything was fine but what I didn't know was that ibuprofen and paracetamol cancel out the pill (good thing for anyone who reads this to take notice btw) and obviously drunk sex etc and here we are now she's pregnant I'm freaking out she's ecstatic

now onto my question

is there a better way for me to get over the shock than just let it pass eventually because its not working and its putting strain on us and secondly what do you think of adoption is there some merit to the idea of it

thanks very much for reading this any and all comments would be greatly appreciated and sorry for the slight wall of text

First of this situation is not simple, and you should not describe it as such. Yes it can easily be summarized, but that does not make the question less complex. Just wanted to point that out.
There are councilpersons for these kinds of situations. Help can be found rather easily, that is not to say that it's going to solve your situation. No matter what kind of advice anyone can give you on this, it's still going to be a very difficult situation.
I'd say there is a lot of merit for adoption, but these are things you need to decide between you and your girlfriend and NO ONE else.
Priority is that you first seek out professional help. It's very natural and healthy that you're freaking out over this. These can help you get your act together and make a decision. I recommend against trying to ask your family for advice. Well intentioned as it maybe, it's often not based on experience or knowledge but personal opinions and sometimes self interest. Of course if you decided to raise the child, then family will become a major part in your life. But that's all in the latter stage, and you shouldn't worry about that just yet.
The upside of a unwanted pregnancy is that you have +/- 8 months to prepare, use this time wisely.
I do not know you, so I don't know wetter this statement is necessary or not, and I don't want to put anymore pressure on you then there should be. But this whole situation and how you deal with it will change the rest of your life and have a huge impact on the person you're going to be. I'm not implying adoption is a bad idea (it could very well be the best option), but don't walk away from this. You are just as responsible for the unborn child as your girlfriend is and walking away from your responsibly will make you a douchebag/asshole for the rest of your life.

 

[Abseith]

yea I only have at most 5 month she's a good few month along which is why I'm kinda not dealing with it very well as it was just sprung on me and I've not got as long to adjust as Id like and I tried talking to a professional but they just wanted to focus on other things in my life like how I'm clinically insomniac because they need that sorted before they can help me deal with the baby thing but I cant even talk to my gf about it because as soon as I mention how I feel she tells me to leave and not bother dealing with it at all which is heartbreaking for me

 

[Abseith]

I believe if the idea was sprung on you, then the best way to deal with it and accept it is give it a lot of thought. Play ketchup so to speak on how you feel about the situation at hand - about being a father possibly, about adoption, about being safer next time, things like that. Think long and hard about it, jus5t so you can wrap your mind around all the aspects of the situation and get caught up. Once you feel more sure about the situation, I don't think it will strain you nearly as much. Also, why is your GF being upset with you if you try and talk about it? Another question I have is, what about adoption? The thing is, if neither of you are ready for a child, or to be parents, then that is a really good option in my opinion. If you can't handle the duties of parenthood (nothing to be ashamed of) then adoption is your next best bet. Discuss this with her and see where you both stand on it.

I hope this helps!

She's not happy with me talking about it because she's ready for it and happy and I'm not in the slightest I don't think I will be able to handle it in any way I mentioned to her about adoption and got a pretty much blanket no to it so really I'm down to deal with it no matter what but I know I'm not ready to handle it and I have no way to break it to her without losing her when she's all excited and we were careful we just didn't know painkillers cancelled the effects of the pill and had drunken sex so I wasn't as meticulous as usual I usually like to have both condom and the pill for peace of mind I asked her today what she would do if I wanted to go for adoption and she said leave me and raise it herself pretty much if we couldn't compromise (aka I wouldn't give her what she wanted)

 

[Abseith]

I don't actually know much about the support laws in the UK tbh and I try stressing the point to her she just cries tells me she doesn't want to loose me but I should leave if I cant handle it instead of talking to me about things as I would much prefer

 

[Bradd94]

I can't offer advice on this, since it hasn't happened to me.

I would suggest you go and see abortionists, doctors - maybe even therapists.
Cause this is one of the most difficult decisions you'll have to make.

Also, adoption isn't that terrible. In some situations, if you think you can't
a) live your life
b) maintain a happy relationship with her
or c) provide a standard of living for the child that you feel is appropriate
/ then you should seriously consider adoption.
For everyone's sake.