New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

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Feb 13, 2008
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MINNEAPOLIS?A study published Monday in The Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry has concluded that an estimated 98 percent of children under the age of 10 are remorseless sociopaths with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures.

According to Dr. Leonard Mateo, a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota and lead author of the study, most adults are completely unaware that they could be living among callous monsters who would remorselessly exploit them to obtain something as insignificant as an ice cream cone or a new toy.

"The most disturbing facet of this ubiquitous childhood disorder is an utter lack of empathy," Mateo said. "These people?if you can even call them that?deliberately violate every social norm without ever pausing to consider how their selfish behavior might affect others. It's as if they have no concept of anyone but themselves."

"The depths of depravity that these tiny psychopaths are capable of reaching are really quite chilling," Mateo added.

According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, a clinical diagnostic tool, sociopaths often display superficial charm, pathological lying, manipulative behaviors, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. After observing 700 children engaged in everyday activities, Mateo and his colleagues found that 684 exhibited these behaviors at a severe or profound level.

The children studied also displayed many secondary hallmarks of antisocial personality disorder, most notably poor impulse control, an inability to plan ahead, and a proclivity for violence?often in the form of extended tantrums?when their needs were not immediately met.

"Children will use any tool at their disposal to secure gratification," Mateo said. "And as soon as the desire is fulfilled, be it some material want or simply an insatiable and narcissistic desire for validation, they quickly become bored and lose interest in their victims, all the while thinking only of satisfying whatever their next hedonistic craving might be."

Mateo added that even when subjects were directly confronted with the consequences of their inexplicable behavior, they had little or no capacity for expressing guilt, other than insincere utterances of "sorry" that were usually coerced.

Because children are so skilled at mimicking normal human emotions and will say anything without consideration for accuracy or truth, Mateo said that people often don't realize that they've been exploited until it is too late. Though he maintained that anyone can fall victim to a child's egocentric behavior, Mateo warned that grandmothers were especially susceptible to the self- serving machinations of tiny little sociopaths.

Despite the overwhelming evidence presented in the study, its findings have been met with heavy criticism from people who associate with children on a regular basis.

Batavia, NY resident and 38-year-old mother Mary Corcoran echoed the sentiments of many other adults who refuse to believe they are sharing their homes with merciless predators.

"Not my Jimmy. Just this morning, he told me I was the best mommy in the whole world," Corcoran said of her son, 5. "In fact, he's been such a sweet little boy this month that Santa just may bring him everything he asks for."

According to renowned child psychologist Dr. Pritha Singh, author of Born Without Souls, diagnosing preadolecents as sociopaths is primarily a theoretical interest, as the disorder is considered untreatable.

"We've tried behavior modification therapies, but children actually learn from our techniques and become even more adept at manipulating others while concealing their shameless misanthropy," Singh said. "Sadly, experience has taught us there is little hope for rehabilitation."

"Just look at the way most adults act," Singh added.
Bonus points if you worked out it was from the Onion. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/99606

But...Are children sociopaths? Many would agree (Roald Dahl especially [Have you READ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?]) but our society at the moment treats them like little darlings who then turn into teenage hooligans.

What can/should or needs to be done to the children of today?
 

madcap2112

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Jun 4, 2009
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Every time a kid comes into the restaurant I work at, I feel my teeth grinding to the sound of their whining and it's another reason I don't want kids. THEY ARE ANNOYING.
 

Sentient6

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Nov 26, 2009
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With today's games rarely not consisting of several form of dismemberment, are you really that surprised?
 

Snork Maiden

Snork snork
Nov 25, 2009
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Bonus points if you worked out it was from the Onion. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/99606

But...Are children sociopaths? Many would agree (Roald Dahl especially [Have you READ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?]) but our society at the moment treats them like little darlings who then turn into teenage hooligans.

What can/should or needs to be done to the children of today?
I did at the quote from little Jimmys mother, haha. Well, I went to go and find the source it was from anyway (I was waiting for some kind of scientific rebuttal to appear in the article until I got to that).

To the question posed - I don't really see how its important since (as is asserted) most children *dont* turn into tennage hooligans. I'm sure children *do* act selfishly at times to get what they want. I'm also sure this isn't important since the vast majority grow up to be normal people.
 

vivadelkitty

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Dec 21, 2008
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Thomas Hobbes was right!

OT: The Onion is awesome. Thank you for brightening my day, good sir.
 

Macgyvercas

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Feb 19, 2009
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I beat they've been taking classes from MaxTheReaper. [joking]

It took me until you told us it was from the onion to figure out this wasn't serious
 

Kollega

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Jun 5, 2009
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Yeah yeah. Children are bastards, cats are monsters, there's no good policemen, yada yada yada.

But there's actually that kind of problem. The problem is that children are not DOING anything. And i mean not only help with home maintenance. I mean also things like drawing and building stuff. They rarely create things nowadays. Sigh.

I really doubt that beating them to death would help. What we need is a good role models, and a lot of them - both in real life and fiction aimed at kids.
 

jonnosferatu

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Mar 29, 2009
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Suspicious on paragraph 2, VERY suspicious on paragraph 4 - which thanks to my monitor's resolution meant that I could then look down and see that it was, indeed, from The Onion. They'd probably fool more people if they didn't use such dramatic language, but then again, fooling people isn't the point.

I don't think I'd consider kids sociopaths; I've observed that they have the capacity to feel sorry for their misdeeds, so while they do tend to be bastards, they do have a guilt response to seeing people suffer for it.
 

mrx19869

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Jun 17, 2009
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This isn't news.. when your under the age of 10 and even till you turn 18 your cognitive abilities are not developed. You can not understand that "you" are not the most important thing in the world. This article however i think is overstepping by calling them psychopaths, yes they are ".remorseless with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures." but that is normal childhood development..

this article is a fail..
 

hittite

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Nov 9, 2009
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Just because it's the Onion doesn't mean it isn't true. Ask anyone who has to work with kids that aren't related to them. They are all monsters, all of them.
 

THAC0

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Aug 12, 2009
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I got suspicious about the way they were throwing around the term "sociopath". since that is a word used in pop psychology and not real psychology.

good job onion.
 

Dwarfman

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Oct 11, 2009
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I've always viewed young children as amoral. That to say without the concept of 'morality'. Things like decency, politness, honesty and the like are not natural traits. They have to be taught and programed into the child.

In the mean time you still have a small human going around trying to get what they want out of life by whatever means they have at their disposal. More often than not the looks I see on kids faces when they're not getting their way is one of confusion and frustration.
 

Starnerf

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Jun 26, 2008
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Furburt said:
I hate children so much. I hate children so much that when I was a child, I hated myself.
Me too! I was always thinking "geez, kids are stupid."
 

dstryfe

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Mar 27, 2009
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Hmm....I think the Onion may be on to something, here. This is the kind of thing I've suspected all along, to be perfectly honest. I don't see kids as feeling guilty for anything; they're just sorry they got caught.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Snork Maiden said:
To the question posed - I don't really see how its important since (as is asserted) most children *dont* turn into tennage hooligans. I'm sure children *do* act selfishly at times to get what they want. I'm also sure this isn't important since the vast majority grow up to be normal people.
I picked the word "hooligans" due to a infamous Bill Hicks rip on that word. "Hooligans" is possibly the most effete name for people causing trouble I can think of; so it can range from normal teenage activity like hanging around and liking girls/boys right up to the more anti-social elements.
 

Therumancer

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Nov 28, 2007
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Humans are inherantly social creatures, but children are not fully developed, and as such do not have the same outlook, developed emotions, or maturity as adults, even as instinctive behaviors. This is why children need to be treated as kids, as opposed to as little adults.

A response to some of the responses, rather than to the Onion article which is funny due to stating the obvious.

Are kids annoying? Well it depends on the individual, I tend to think so in most cases however, but then again my experiences have mostly been dealing with children at their worst.

As far as sociopathic behavior goes in general, as someone who has been (incorrectly) diagnosed with things like Bordeline Personality Disorder (long story) I've done some reading on the subject, not to mention having been instituionalized with some of these people when I was a LOT younger. Strictly speaking most "sociopaths" can't disguise their behavior which is why they wind up being singled out, locked up, or run into other problems. Movies aside a sociopath is not nessicarly going to be a social chameleon, while it DOES happen it's extremely rare. Also someone who is sociopathic is not nessicary dangerous in any traditional sense unless they have other disorders. For example becoming a seriel killer, or spree murderer is unlikely unless the person is also a sadist or for some reason has learned to enjoy killing. Those things are not inherantly included in being a sociopath.