Poll: Do you want an apology?

[tippy2k2]

I heard one of the strangest things ever on the radio today and I was absolutely baffled by it.

Today on my morning show of choice, Dave Ryan in the Morning in Minnesota, they had what they called an apology segment where one of the members of the show had to apologize to someone they wronged from their past. After Dave Ryan apologized to the person he acted like an ass to, they took some calls from people who also wanted to apologize to from their past. Now, here's what baffled me.

Later in the show, one of the people that was apologized to called into the show and talked about how grateful they were that the person apologized to them and how it'll really help them have some closure.

...dafuq?

Seriously lady? It's been over a freaking decade and you're blubbering on about how much this apology meant to you? Really? It affected your life THAT much that you're still thinking about it? I, like just about everyone who has ever existed, experienced bullying in my younger days and if someone from the past apologized for bullying me, I would probably just say "Alright" and leave it at that. I don't want and/or need an apology from you; I'm a grown-up and realize how petty kids can be, I don't need your apology.

Which got me to thinking: Would you want and/or appreciate an apology from a bully in the past? Am I just being an insensitive ass by wondering why in the hell this would matter to you years after it happened? Do you agree and think that this is just kind of stupid that an apology from your former bully is silly?

EDIT (May 8th, 7:20am): I kind of wished I'd of thought of asking this but I didn't so live and learn once again; I wonder how much age has to do with this thing. As I've stated in this thread in a few of my responses, I was bullied (until my own "Little Zangief" moment halfway through high school but that's a story for a different day...) but it's been over a decade since I've been in school. So I went through college and as an art major (STOP LAUGHING! ), it was pretty much my job to open up a vein and let it all out there. I've had a decade to work through this stuff while others here might just be out of high school so the wounds are still fresh. All well, opportunity lost but if you'd like to start adding that to your responses, I think that would add to the conversation.

 

[Silverslith]

I think you've clearly demonstrated your insensitivity to other people's feelings and experiences.

To answer your question, I'd take an apology. I've moved on, but it would be nice to know that the person who was a dick so many years ago realized they were a d-bag and decided to apologize to the people he/she offended.

I have no idea what you went through, but neither do you have any idea what other people have gone through. Some bullies drive their victims to commit suicide. People that survive horrible bullying experiences can be fundamentally affected for the rest of their lives. If an apology can help alleviate that then I'm all for it.

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

Well, to be honest with you, back in high school it was usually me and my friends who did the bullying, so I guess it'd be on the opposite spectrum for me. If I do meet someone I remember giving a hard time back in school, I would apologise to them. Out of courtesy, I suppose. Maybe a level of guilt. How they'd take that apology, I can't claim to know.

 

[tippy2k2]

Well, to be honest with you, back in high school it was usually me and my friends who did the bullying, so I guess it'd be on the opposite spectrum for me. If I do meet someone I remember giving a hard time back in school, I would apologise to them. Out of courtesy, I suppose. Maybe a level of guilt. How they'd take that apology, I can't claim to know.

Well thanks for the honesty

I didn't even think of that when I created the thread. The "I am the bully" was more for people who were currently in high school. I didn't even think of the adults who might have been bullies...

Live and learn. I'll have to think a bit longer when making my vote choices in future threads

 

[Chemical Alia]

No, given the chance I'd much rather show them how awesome I am now, so they can feel bad about their missed chance to be friends with some one as fabulous as me. Unfortunately, that probably won't be happening any time soon, as I already missed my 10-year high school reunion by a few years.

 

[sky14kemea]

I think an apology from a school bully or something would be pretty shocking. Shocking as in "There's no way they'd actually mean it".

Seriously, I'd way more than a flimsy apology from those guys.

So no, no I don't want an apology. I want my self-confidence and those 5 years of my life back. /bitterness.

From anyone else though, I kinda already did a "forgive and forget" thing last year, where I tried to apologise to people who I thought honestly didn't deserve some of the things I'd done. Even though it was more of a mutual falling out in those cases. One accepted it right away and even apologised back, which was nice, since I hated having those feelings bottled up. The other one... Well let's just say it didn't go down well for either of us.


So really, my thoughts are apologising for something that's way in your past is pretty pointless. All you'd be doing is dragging up old feelings. Probably ones that people don't want bringing back.

 

[tippy2k2]

I have no idea what you went through, but neither do you have any idea what other people have gone through. Some bullies drive their victims to commit suicide. People that survive horrible bullying experiences can be fundamentally affected for the rest of their lives. If an apology can help alleviate that then I'm all for it.

That is 100% a fair point and the main reason I went with the thread. I'm curious what the normal bully levels are and if other people carry the resentment still like she did. I think I made my opening statement a tad more hostile than I meant to

Now granted, the lady on the radio said that her experience included being transferred from one elementary school to another due to the amount of bullying she received, which is something that I just plain can't fathom.

Contrast that with my own experience, which was basically the same level of bullying until I realized what would happen when I fought back. Once I demonstrated that I'm not going to take shit lying down (had my own "Little Zangief" moment except I didn't hurt anyone in the process), I was generally left alone as the bullies went after easier prey.

 

[Eddie the head]

I can't ever remember having many bullies. I didn't react to it all so anyone that tried most of the time gave up after like two weeks. I remember one guy tried to get into a fight with me. I gave him a hug. After that he thought I was gay and didn't want anything to do with me.

To answer the question I can't see why it would matter. To little to late if you ask me. But I don't know some people might have emotional blocks or something that that could help resolve.

 

[SlaveNumber23]

I can't remember ever being bullied myself but there was one guy that my friends and I bullied a bit back in middle school and every now and then I've contemplated about and wanted to apologize to him, but I haven't seen him a long a time so I haven't really had much of a chance to.

In my opinion an apology is something you should never demand, if you are forcing someone to apologize that defeats the point of an apology, as it is only worth something if they truly mean it. An apology coming from someone who means it is always going to be nice though, no matter how small or how long ago the act was that the apology is for.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I think an apology from a school bully or something would be pretty shocking. Shocking as in "There's no way they'd actually mean it".

Seriously, I'd [want] way more than a flimsy apology from those guys.

So no, no I don't want an apology. I want my self-confidence and those 5 years of my life back. /bitterness.

This, only most of the bitterness has gone with time.

Some people are just shitbags. An apology from a shitbag can never be sincere because these people simply lack the capacity for remorse. They don't know how to think about anyone but themselves. They hurt others because they think it's funny. They are simply bad people. Therefore it is a waste of time and energy to deal with them on any level.

If, for example, the kid who spat on me in high school came into my work tomorrow to apologize, I'd say whatever I needed to say to make him go away. Not because I hate him, but because he doesn't rate five seconds of my time. By inflicting his presence on me he would be insulting me all over again.

It's best to just celebrate the fact that you survived. The best revenge you could ever have would be to live a happy, prosperous life where you don't think about them at all.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I think you've clearly demonstrated your insensitivity to other people's feelings and experiences.

To answer your question, I'd take an apology. I've moved on, but it would be nice to know that the person who was a dick so many years ago realized they were a d-bag and decided to apologize to the people he/she offended.

I have no idea what you went through, but neither do you have any idea what other people have gone through. Some bullies drive their victims to commit suicide. People that survive horrible bullying experiences can be fundamentally affected for the rest of their lives. If an apology can help alleviate that then I'm all for it.

basically this.

i would just say something like "alright, thanks", i wouldn't need it, but i would appreciate the sentiment if it was a shred of truth of them meaning it. it shows they've realized/become self aware about their douchebaggyness and why it was wrong, and why no one deserves it in the first place.

plus as mentioned, you have no idea to what level someone was bullied, or how often that bully ruined their lives. kids entire day and night cycle can be haunted by that one person, it's not necessarily something that happened "once in a while" or happened uncommonly enough to not cause permanent long term damage.

to be honest, i'm impressed your local station has something like that, it might sound corny/cheesy, but if it saves one person from committing suicide/(god forbid a massive gun shooting spree) then it's worth it.

 

[Lucem712]

I'd be pretty eh about it. Maybe I'm just the cold shell of a person but it's like, okay dude. I kind of forgot about that a long time ago... (IMO)

But, obviously, I wasn't severely abused or anythin' so, I don't have much ground to stand on. *shrug*

 

[Atmos Duality]

Nope.
It doesn't need to happen nor can it; he went to Juvie then prison, and then died in prison according to public records. Dunno what he did or how he ate it, but I don't feel sorry for him in the least.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'd like them too but it wouldn't change much. If they weren't all bitches in the first place I would have been much happier in school. I'd like them to admit they were horrible and I'd accept any apology, but I know they won't.

A couple of people have apologised for the way they've treat me in the past. Not necessarily bullies from the past but I appreciated it all the same.
I doubt I'd get an apology off people who have treat me like shit in recent years. If they're scum enough to treat me badly in the first place, I don't see them having the decency to put things right.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

You know, there was this kid that my friends and I bullied in a day-care we used to go to.
The main reason being that "he was easy to pick on," which I know today is a terrible reason to pick on somebody but we were like 9, 10, 11 something around there, we were dumb. Just throwing this out there, I'm 18 and in college now.
Anyway.
Funny story about that. I was in 9th, 10th, or 11th grade, I was in a media class, takes care of the school news, sports events, concerts, dances, so on. And that same kid gets enrolled at my school for his first year (this is a 7-12 grade school) and we need to conduct an interview that was to be aired on the school tv's explaining that the dog he always has with him was not a pet but a serious assistance animal that was supposed to help him because he was prone to seizures. Which, by the way, on top of feeling guilty about it because I had aged and learned that my behavior toward him was unacceptable, learning that he was prone to seizures made me feel even worse.
SO!
He comes in, see's me, we exchange awkward look-who-it-is greetings, he starts talking to the teacher about the interview and I hear him say
"Can I pick my interviewer?"
"Sure."
I just close my eyes and think "Here it comes..."
"Him."
"Torno?"
"Yeah."
So we go and we do the interview.
I don't remember if I ever apologized. I don't think I did because I was very proud at that age but darn it I should have. But I remember that we parted on somewhat good terms so maybe I did. Or I'm just a charmer, I don't know.
I try to be a good guy now. When I saw him again, it was kind of like facing my sins in a way. It made me remember how much of a dick I used to be (at least to him) and I do my best to live a good life and be good to people now.

 

[Epicspoon]

I don't need an apology. I already kicked the douche bags ass in public after he sucker punched me. Most bullies are actually pussies so yeah.

 

[lacktheknack]

Later in the show, one of the people that was apologized to called into the show and talked about how grateful they were that the person apologized to them and how it'll really help them have some closure.

...dafuq?

Seriously lady? It's been over a freaking decade and you're blubbering on about how much this apology meant to you? Really? It affected your life THAT much that you're still thinking about it? I, like just about everyone who has ever existed, experienced bullying in my younger days and if someone from the past apologized for bullying me, I would probably just say "Alright" and leave it at that. I don't want and/or need an apology from you; I'm a grown-up and realize how petty kids can be, I don't need your apology.

You clearly don't get just how AWFUL a bully can make your life. I'm talking "I want to commit suicide" bad. Because you can't escape them - you HAVE to go to school, where an evil presence taunts and torments you. If someone who made your life a living hell for six years apologized for it, then YES, that can provide a positively mind-boggling amount of closure.

Remember, not everyone is you. Remember that when processing an emotional response.

 

[Techno Squidgy]

A couple of people said some horrible things for some periods of my school life but it helped shape me. Being picked on helped toughen me up, and pay no mind to insults. If I hadn't been bullied I wouldn't have one of my best friends, we give each other shit all the time, we say things to each other that if a stranger had said to you you'd be hiding their body.
So no, I don't want an apology. If anything I'd tell them to forget about it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

No. It's too little to late for that. I don't think about them anymore so it's kinda pointless.