Poll: Have I been a jerk?

[Froggy Slayer]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

 

[SonicWaffle]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

Depends. Why do you think you do it? Some people correct others to make themselves look better. Some people are just uptight and really hate hearing people using words incorrectly. Figure out your motivations, and the questions answers itself.

 

[Dangit2019]

Don't be an irl Grammar Nazi. If someone says something completely wrong, than that's fine, but derailing their train of thought at the expense of a mistake isn't helpful at all.

 

[hazabaza1]

It gets really fucking annoying, yeah.
If you see something stuck trying to think of a word then it's alright to remind them but if you're interrupting every sentence because they said something wrong that's really kind of dick-ish.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I think she's overreacting, but yeah, it can be annoying. My mum's an English teacher, she does it to my brothers all the time (but not me, because I'm not an illiterate baboon I'm a bit of a logophile (apparently I'm supposed to correct that to pedophile. I think I'll disagree with my laptop on this one)).

 

[Coppernerves]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

I think you to do bad stuff for selfish reasons to be a jerk, whereas your grammar advice is just well intentioned extremism (like many of the Nazis, you Grammar Nazi).

Seriously, there ain't nothing wrong with double negatives, unless they're being used to state a positive.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

If the meaning is not disrupted then don't draw attention to grammar deficiencies. Only when what is being said will actually change through them do you need to comment.

Language is a tool for communication after all. If the job still gets done without drawbacks then who cares if you're using the wrong parts?

 

[Jamash]

It all depends on the severity of her misuse of grammar when she speaks.

Without some examples, I can't say whether you're a pedantic jerk for correcting her, or whether you would have been an negligent jerk for not picking her up on her clangers.

My Mum sometimes misuses words or saying, and while it's often very funny in private and sometimes it's better not pick her up on every mistake she makes, I often have to correct her or point out her error so she doesn't make a fool of herself in public (especially when the misused word or phrase conveys an entirely different meaning than was intended).

The exact word and phrase has slipped my mind at this time, but a while ago she was mangling a phrase and used a word that implied she was seething with rage, fury and anger, when in fact she didn't mean that at all and thought she was saying something positive.

 

[kailus13]

I think she's overreacting, but yeah, it can be annoying. My mum's an English teacher, she does it to my brothers all the time (but not me, because I'm not an illiterate baboon I'm a bit of a logophile (apparently I'm supposed to correct that to pedophile. I think I'll disagree with my laptop on this one)).

The laptop knows! You should silence it quickly!

I think it depends on the tone you use. You could unknowingly sound like you're insulting her instead of offering advice.

 

[mbarker]

Someone did that crap to me it seemed like he was mocking me. I don't associate with him anymore.

 

[Jamieson 90]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

You're not wrong but the way you're executing things is making you look bad, in fact you may even be trying to help but people won't take it that way because most people do not like being shown up, especially people that are older than you; they often take it as you being cheeky. As for myself I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi too but I usually only use it in real life when speaking with children, because I think it's important to correct them when they make glaringly obvious mistakes like "I swimmed," or "I seen it," etc.

 

[Alexi089]

You need a 'depends how you're doing it option'. For me. I want to be awkward!

I think it depends how you do it. If you're declaring that she's wrong with a loud, pompous tone and giving her a grammar tutorial every time she says 'who' instead of 'whom', you're being a jerk. But you probably already know that, since you're doing it on purpose. And you're here to find a counter argument to use against her.

If she's using full on chav-speak like in those London council estate dramas E4 keep comissioning; where, at the worst of times, their dialogue is totally incomprehensible; and at the best it still kinda comes out like a fish choking on scrabble tiles; you're probably doing her a favour; because people less interested in her won't bother to figure out what she means. Plus, adults trying to use youth language always come across as ridiculous, so you're definately doing her a favor if that's what she's doing. Especially before it slips out while she's in a formal environment.

Like most of these tricky social situations where you could easily demean someone unintentionally, it's best to take a second to think how you'd want her to explain it to you if the roles where reversed, and do that (assuming she's making frequent mistakes that are actually making her meaning unclear).


Also:

I'm a bit of a logophile (apparently I'm supposed to correct that to pedophile. I think I'll disagree with my laptop on this one)).

That'll teach you for asking for a laptop from Jim'll Fix It

 

[Sniper Team 4]

Oh, I feel your pain. I really, really do. Whenever I hear someone, or read something, that is not correct, it's like nails on a chalk board. If I don't know the person, I'll keep my mouth shut. If I know the person, I'll still keep my mouth shut. People tend to take offense at that because they feel you are making fun of them. Sometimes, perhaps you are. Other times, you're just trying to be helpful but they won't see it that way. They feel you are making them look stupid. Problem is, they've already done that (at least to me they have) and you're just trying to help. Not stupid as in, "Wow, what an idiot! How did you ever get out of grade school?" but stupid as in, "You just crashed the car into the garage freezer because you thought you had it in reverse, but had put it in drive." A totally stupid mistake that any person knows better than to make, but sometimes your brain just flips off for a second and you do something stupid.

So, I suggest you just keep your mouth shut on the issue from now on. Unless she starts doing it to deliberately make you mad, just leave it alone.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Reading only the thread title, my thought was, "This is the Internet, so probably."

OT: Eh. Ask yourself why you do it. Even if you can honestly answer that you do it to educate them, it's likely to be perceived as offensive. People don't like having their ignorance disturbed.

I bite my tongue to stop myself correcting people all the time. It's maddening because I have a boss wHO rITes lIkE thIs n cAn't sPeL anTHiNg!!! sIgN n dATe tHIs mEmo 2 sHow u rEd It K???

That's my boss. As in, she is in charge of things. I find it EXTREMELY difficult to take seriously anyone who expresses thoughts with less clarity and precision than the average sixth grader.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I correct my mother's grammar and pronunciation because she asks me to. If your mother is happy with the way she speaks and she is capable of conveying her meaning then yes, it is arrogant and innapropriate to keep correcting her.

"I don't know anything" isn't more correct or logical than "I don't know nothing". Someone just decided one day that people shouldn't use double negatives in English. The first thing they hammer home in university linguistics is that you're not better than anyone for obsessively adhering to the rules of standard grammar. You're just limiting yourself and being a classist tool.

 

[Happiness Assassin]

Once or twice? No.

Constantly? Yes.

Nobody likes to constantly be corrected all the time, even if you have good intentions.

 

[Avaholic03]

In my experience it all depends on the approach. If you're polite and patient about it, then it's not automatically a jerk thing to do. But if you do it frequently, in front of other people, interrupt her to correct, etc. then it's very easy to go into jerk territory. Bottom line, if she made it clear she doesn't want you correcting her, then don't do it. Simple as that.

 

[Pebkio]

Listen, I tend to agree with you. I think correcting speech and grammatical errors is an okay thing to do. But I've had the empathy and presence of mind to notice when people are starting to get annoyed. I trained myself not to speak out against poor grammar or words that don't actually exist (like "aint" and "irregardless"). These days, I just correct the person in my head. My two closest friends recognize the pattern. They'll see me look up and to the right and know that I just corrected something they said. But they don't mind because I'm not constantly interrupting them.

 

[Abomination]

If I care about someone I will correct their language if they're using it incorrectly.

Though at times one must realize you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. If your mother continues to make the same mistake again and again despite your corrections it is you who is the fool.