Poll: Should I give her a second chance?

[Simalacrum]

Ok, I just realised that this is in fact a rather good place to see about something I've been thinking about of late.

So, basically, a month or two ago, my girlfriend dumped me. While I would have been 'ok' (as 'ok' as one can be about such situation) with this, she did this in, in my opinion, a rather careless, immature manner. Basically, she stopped talking to me about a week beforehand (telling me she was 'busy with work'), and then sent me a short email saying she no longer had feelings for me and that she was sorry. However, that email didn't actually arrive, so I in fact found out after she had set her FaceBook status to 'single'. Considering I made it very clear to her that I had very strong feelings for her, I felt a bit hurt that she didn't at least give me a phone call.

However, I decided I'd forgive her. I reasoned that she had always had fears about discussing serious things with people directly (as she feared that such an action would degrade into angry insults thrown at each other), and I also reasoned that she's received enough shit from other people, and thus she didn't deserve to receive such anger from me, too. So, I decided that I would give her a bit of time, and then discuss whether we could remain as friends with her.

This was until about half a week later, when I found out (again, through a FaceBook status), that she had started going out with one my best friends. On top of this, I also know that there was only one time in recent times that they would have been able to meet up (both me and my friend go to universities, and are thus rather far away from my ex), and that was during the time we were going out.

So basically, I am about 80% certain that something happened between them during that time... yay -.-

At that point I decided enough was enough. Her seemingly careless manner in which she dumped me was hurtful on it's own, but cheating on me with my best friend (and, also, not actually telling me the truth that she was dumping me for my best friend) really isn't something I forgive so easily. Being on the other side of the country, it was pretty easy to cut all connections from her and block her access to me where possible.

Now, a month or so has past, and I've been pondering that action - was it really right to just cut her off like that without even trying to consult her upon the matter first? Afterall, while I am pretty sure that she cheated on me, there is no definitive confirmation that such a thing was the case. Furthermore, despite everything, I honestly believe that she isn't the type to play with a person's feelings so carelessly. I've been considering trying to make contact with her, not to try and get back together, but just to try and set the record straight.

So, Escapists, do you think this is a good idea? Shall I talk to her and see if she really did so callously stab me in the back? Or do I just leave things as they are, never talk to her again and go happily along with my life? (which, believe me, I can do very easily - this won't leave me traumatised even if it remains the way things are) Any opinions are appreciated

As ever, here is a juggling video (to those who don't know, I make it a custom to add a juggling video to each of my threads):


edit: I find it strange that this thread received twice as many views and 3 times as many posts as my eating disorder thread, in a fraction of the time, when I consider the eating disorder a much more serious issue... XD Thanks for all the posts though, and thanks for all you're advice

 

[TaboriHK]

Absolutely not. And I came to that conclusion in the first paragraph. Just move on, it'll be better for you in the end. There are a lot of cool chicks out there who are far more considerate and worth your time. Otherwise, expect to repeat this again.

 

[TaboriHK]

Also, you need to confront the friend or at least talk about it. No guy does that to his friend, period.

 

[Nubbinsmustdie]

move on get rid of everything to do with her, you will be so much better off.

 

[Mr. Google]

Contact her but dont try and talk again just have 1 conversation about what happened and leave it be

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

wash your hands of the situation, dude. anything else is just asking for pain.

 

[Amnestic]

I'd give up on her and move on. She dumped you in a rather cruel manner (not face to face? Bugger off) and now we have suspicions that she cheated on you. I'd leave it to be honest. If she tries to get back in contact with you you can challenge her about it, if not I'd just let it lie.

 

[hurfdurp]

Confronting her won't change the outcome, so I think it's in your best interest to move ahead.

 

[sms_117b]

Get on with your life, don't talk to her, and depending how close you are with your "best friend" talk to him or ignore him to.

It's hard, but, if people treat you like that, they're not worth your time.

 

[Imp Poster]

Leave it, never talk to her again, and go on your happy life. There is no need to make a situation that's over better or worse than how it was left. But if you need closure, maybe. I just wouldn't, but thats easier said then done. Move on to the next, I say.

 

[Celtic_Kerr]

I have a story that's remarkably similar to yours, just without the careless manner (wasn't exactly sincere either) and the fact it wasn't a best friend she cheated on me with. With this in my mind, a second chance? Fuck. That. You had every right in the world to cut her off the way you did. If she ever comes back saying she's sorry and she herself wants to set the record straight, check for an ulterior motive. If you are 100 percent confident she doesn't have one and is genuinely sincere, then fine, go with that. But don't waste your own breath hunting down a lost cause that doesn't deserve your attention.

Couldn't have put it into better words really. Women have a bad habit of saying how very different they are and how they'll never hurt you, then go on to do the same

 

[Megalodon]

Confront the friend! What kind of a fucking douche bag would do that to his friend and why?

Agreed, some things just aren't OK to do, this would be one of the worst.

 

[Irridium]

I say that you should forget about her.

However I would try to confront your friend and see why the hell he did this. You might not like where it leads, but it may give you some closure or something.

 

[Dark assassin for hire]

k u may like her still, but she is not that special one. there is no special one. There is always another girl and obsessing over one is stupid and a waste of time (knows from experience) What you need to do is look at what you can do now and let things cool down (unlike what I did, I had planned to sucker punch her new boyfriend who was a mortal enemy of mine a long time ago and still is... drama) what you should do is act like nothing happened. It was just another day, except it was a very, very, rainy day. Behind the rain clouds is the sun, though right now you need an umbrella. Don't find a new girl right away because if your constantly on crutches you'll never heal. I also recommend not attempting anything that could get you in trouble or attract to much attention. three weeks after I broke up with my exgf I was completely better and I became the good/mean/awesome friend I am again and after playing the "ignore her with my cold indifference" game for a few weeks and after she broke up with Fuckface McAsslick, everything was better... k Im done with my thoughtless rant...

 

[Jharry5]

Yeah, as others have said, I'd leave things as they are. If you could quite happily carry on, then why drag it all up again? Just leave it in the past.
That was my reaction before the possibility of cheating even came into it. After reading that, I have to say, I'd be tempted to say ignore her, even if she ever tried to make amends (though I will admit, that's just me).

 

[CounterAttack]

Many people say that you should just move on, but I think a civil conversation with both of them, preferably individually, couldn't hurt. Get their sides of the story before you make a final decision on forgiveness.