(I know there has been a literal proliferation of reviews of the new Star Trek film, so by this time, I'm essentially beating a near-dead horse here.
However - even though they have not been entirely positive - I still think that the reviewers gave the new film a lot more credit than it deserves.)
(Contains spoilers)
Before the release of his Star Trek prequel, J.J. Abrams told the Star Trek purists to "stay at home". Apparently, his definition of purists is "anyone who has ever watched five minutes from a Star Trek film or episode", as his latest misadventure panders to the mainstream; substituting spectacle for intelligence.
Since there has often been a rivalry of sorts between Star Trek and Star Wars, it only makes sense that - having seen the bloated, special-effects laden Star Wars prequels - people decided that Star Trek needed some itself.
When I went to see the film-in-question a few days ago, I was expecting the worst. Having recently watched Abram's Cloverfield, and having seen the metrosexual, infantile cast who would replace Shatner and co., I had prepared myself for disappointment. And so, after watching the film, it is in this way only that I can truly say that I got my money's worth.
Omens occur from the very beginning, as the USS Kelvin investigates a spatial lightning storm - the film remaining faithful to the Starfleet code of never attempting to avoid dangerous anomalies - and is ravaged for its troubles by a Romulan doomship, which we know must be evil because it is painted black and accompanied by an orchestral swell. In this single excerpt alone, we are introduced to the films greatest weaknesses: melodrama, action over story and Eric Bana's Nero. Being an ever-valiant Starfleet officer, the Captain of the USS Kelvin surrenders himself over to the doomship, and is promptly harpooned through the chest by Nero. Taking command, James' T. Kirk's father - a bland Chris Hemsworth - heroically sacrifices himself to save his crew, a la every other sci-fi captain in history. Of course, his duties do not distract him from having a cringey and predictable "I love you!" speech with his wife, who is - of course - giving birth, while the camera veers between scenes drunkingly like an intoxicated F1 driver, swinging around obstacles like Cloverfield only wish it could.
The Star Trek graphic appears, before the first of many time jumps occurs, and we are shifted several years in the future to Iowa and treated to possibly the most short-lived and redundant car chase ever recorded. A young, blonde James Kirk joyrides in a Corvette while blasting "Sabotage" by the Beastie Middle-Aged Men - in the 23rd century. The pointless scene is brought to an abrupt halt when Kirk jumps from the vehicle before it plunges down one of those pesky Iowa canyons. The narrative then swaps over to Vulcan, where a young Spock is bullied because of his human mother, with dialogue so blunt and unrefined it makes High School Musical sound sophisticated by comparison. Responding with violence in lieu of wit, Spock then proceeds to assault one of his classmates, before being treated to some philosophical reassurance from his Vulcan father. We then do the time-warp again and return to Iowa, where troubled child Kirk has grown up to become obnoxious prick Kirk, who promptly picks a fight with Starfleet cadets and - instead of being prosecuted - is asked to join up by the original series' Captain Pike.
The entire cast is at Starfleet Academy for all of 5 minutes, before being rushed into battle after a distress call is received from Vulcan, boarding the iconic USS Enterprise. Nero's doomship Narada, despite apparently being a mining vessel, manages to wipe out the entire fleet, sans Enterprise. Nero - unaged despite 25 years of inactivity - requests Pike to come aboard via shuttle. At the same time, Kirk, a Korean Hikaru Sulu and an entirely expendable Chief Engineer Olsen skydive down onto a giant platform that is drilling into Vulcan. Olsen - being a jingoistic retard and pointless extra - belatedly deploys his parachute and flies straight into the drill, while Kirk and Sulu land (mostly) safely. They are promptly attacked by two Romulans, causing Sulu to remove his futuristic katana because - as we all know - Asians are martial artists from birth. Cue two minutes of hand-to-hand combat (apparently, in the future, our bones will be made out of adamantium, as every time a character punches another it sounds like a sledgehammer slamming against steel plate). Once this altercation is finished, the duo then somehow disables the armour-plated drill with phasers and are beamed to safety, while Nero shoves a slug down Pike's throat (apparently to obtain Starfleet defence codes, but since these are never actually used, a far more simpler explanation is that Nero is a sadistic twat).
However, they are too late, and Nero deploys Red Matter (some sort of apocalyptic jelly) into the centre of Vulcan, causing a black hole that quickly devours the planet. Spock evacuates the Vulcan Council, but - in the latest sci-fi cliche - is unable to save his mother (Winona Ryder, smothered in a wrap to attempt to hide the fact that she is only six years older than her son).
In the aftermath, the Acting Captain Spock somewhat disproportionally maroons Kirk on a Hoth-like ice world for criticising his orders. After being chased by a cameo appearance of Abram's Cloverfield monster into a cave, he encounters another cameo in the form of Leonard Nimoy's older Spock, whose presence is explained via the tried-and-true Star Trek convention of time travel. One brief exposition scene later, and we learn that Spock closed a supernova using Red Matter, but was unable to do so before it erased Romulus from existence, hence explaining Nero's motivations. However, any sympathy the viewer could hold with Nero is dispelled by the fact that he is an unambiguously evil asshole who likes shoving invertebrate animals down other people's throats. One wonders why Nero, being sucked into the black hole along with Spock and sent back in time, didn't just use the opportunity to warn Romulus about the future catastrophe. However, since poking holes in Roberto Oci and Alex Kurtzman's script is akin to outrunning a quadriplegic, it is simply unfair to scrutinise it too deeply.
Spock Prime and Kirk then waltz over to a nearby Starfleet outpost, populated by some unknown malcontent called Montgomery Scott (Simon Pegg). Utilising an as-yet-undiscovered method of beaming onto spaceships in warp, Kirk and Scott arrive back on board Enterprise, with a superfluous scene of the latter materialising in a reactant pipe (for the sole reason that, yes, Scotty is comic relief). On Spock Prime's earlier advice, Kirk convinces Spock the Younger to throw a hissy fit and resign his command, leaving Kirk as Captain. The Enterprise then moves to confront the Narada as it attacks Earth, which eventually culminates in an ending that basically plays like the final scenes of The Wrath of Khan - only with a boring villain and no main characters dying. Needless to say, the Red Matter container is damaged and - despite the fact that a single drop was enough to produce a black hole strong enough to suck in both Nero and Spock Elder's ship - the entire vat only produces a marginally large singularity, which the crew valiantly defeat by throwing their warp drive at it. One Leonard Nimoy monologue and Gene Roddenberry's original score later, and its all over.
Despite sounding short in summary, the film is padded out with a myriad of useless scenes that add nothing but minutes to the total running time. One character I have not mentioned much is Nero himself; partly because he has so few scenes, and partly because Bana's weak, unimaginative performance is entirely forgettable. Star Trek films were often defined by their villains, and so to have one who is so wholly unmemorable is a major blow at the very starting block. Nero is not the only character marred by acting; the interpretations of the famous Enterprise crew range from brilliant to bearable. Zachary Quentin is a passable, if somewhat personality-less, Spock, and is entirely eclipsed by the arrival of Leonard Nimoy. James T. Kirk is reduced to a cliche; a poorly-developed maverick who inspires amusement and loathing in equal measures. Karl Urban turns out a decent performance as Doctor "Bones" McCoy but Zoe Saldana demotes Uhura to an entirely background role and love interest, playing foil to Kirk's dickish behaviour. Simon Pegg as Scotty is entirely comic relief filler, while Anton Yelchin plays Pavel Chekov as a Red Alert extra.
The utmost regret is that such a great opportunity to revitalise the franchise was squandered. An impressive budget put to waste on epic spatial warfare rather than style and content. Star Trek is a dumb, fast-paced film that substitutes plot and character development for melodrama and action sequences resembling an LSD trip. Every sci-fi cliche is present here - from planet-destroying devices to time travel. Kirk's childhood is just another generic "troubled kid with nothing to lose" affair, and Captain Nero could be the most insipidly uninspiring nemesis in the franchise's history. There were one-shot villains from the TV shows that were more interesting to watch. Combined with the rest of the cast doing caricatures of the original crew, you are left with a hollow sci-fi blockbuster, with little of the spirit and wit of its source material; Star Trek as "bubblegum pop", if you will. Regardless, the film will continue to reap in revenue, and a sequel is already in the works. In an ideal world, they would scrap the current hacks in charge of script-writing and replace Abrams with someone capable of elevating the franchise to its full potential, and finally - just finally - we might have a good Star Trek film not directed by Nicholas Meyer.
The implausibly high ratings from critics (no doubt too intoxicated by nostalgia to ponder tiny details such as the film actually being any good) and hype told us that this was going to be Star Trek's Batman Begins. Instead, we got Batman & Robin.
However - even though they have not been entirely positive - I still think that the reviewers gave the new film a lot more credit than it deserves.)
(Contains spoilers)
Before the release of his Star Trek prequel, J.J. Abrams told the Star Trek purists to "stay at home". Apparently, his definition of purists is "anyone who has ever watched five minutes from a Star Trek film or episode", as his latest misadventure panders to the mainstream; substituting spectacle for intelligence.
Since there has often been a rivalry of sorts between Star Trek and Star Wars, it only makes sense that - having seen the bloated, special-effects laden Star Wars prequels - people decided that Star Trek needed some itself.
When I went to see the film-in-question a few days ago, I was expecting the worst. Having recently watched Abram's Cloverfield, and having seen the metrosexual, infantile cast who would replace Shatner and co., I had prepared myself for disappointment. And so, after watching the film, it is in this way only that I can truly say that I got my money's worth.
Omens occur from the very beginning, as the USS Kelvin investigates a spatial lightning storm - the film remaining faithful to the Starfleet code of never attempting to avoid dangerous anomalies - and is ravaged for its troubles by a Romulan doomship, which we know must be evil because it is painted black and accompanied by an orchestral swell. In this single excerpt alone, we are introduced to the films greatest weaknesses: melodrama, action over story and Eric Bana's Nero. Being an ever-valiant Starfleet officer, the Captain of the USS Kelvin surrenders himself over to the doomship, and is promptly harpooned through the chest by Nero. Taking command, James' T. Kirk's father - a bland Chris Hemsworth - heroically sacrifices himself to save his crew, a la every other sci-fi captain in history. Of course, his duties do not distract him from having a cringey and predictable "I love you!" speech with his wife, who is - of course - giving birth, while the camera veers between scenes drunkingly like an intoxicated F1 driver, swinging around obstacles like Cloverfield only wish it could.
The Star Trek graphic appears, before the first of many time jumps occurs, and we are shifted several years in the future to Iowa and treated to possibly the most short-lived and redundant car chase ever recorded. A young, blonde James Kirk joyrides in a Corvette while blasting "Sabotage" by the Beastie Middle-Aged Men - in the 23rd century. The pointless scene is brought to an abrupt halt when Kirk jumps from the vehicle before it plunges down one of those pesky Iowa canyons. The narrative then swaps over to Vulcan, where a young Spock is bullied because of his human mother, with dialogue so blunt and unrefined it makes High School Musical sound sophisticated by comparison. Responding with violence in lieu of wit, Spock then proceeds to assault one of his classmates, before being treated to some philosophical reassurance from his Vulcan father. We then do the time-warp again and return to Iowa, where troubled child Kirk has grown up to become obnoxious prick Kirk, who promptly picks a fight with Starfleet cadets and - instead of being prosecuted - is asked to join up by the original series' Captain Pike.
The entire cast is at Starfleet Academy for all of 5 minutes, before being rushed into battle after a distress call is received from Vulcan, boarding the iconic USS Enterprise. Nero's doomship Narada, despite apparently being a mining vessel, manages to wipe out the entire fleet, sans Enterprise. Nero - unaged despite 25 years of inactivity - requests Pike to come aboard via shuttle. At the same time, Kirk, a Korean Hikaru Sulu and an entirely expendable Chief Engineer Olsen skydive down onto a giant platform that is drilling into Vulcan. Olsen - being a jingoistic retard and pointless extra - belatedly deploys his parachute and flies straight into the drill, while Kirk and Sulu land (mostly) safely. They are promptly attacked by two Romulans, causing Sulu to remove his futuristic katana because - as we all know - Asians are martial artists from birth. Cue two minutes of hand-to-hand combat (apparently, in the future, our bones will be made out of adamantium, as every time a character punches another it sounds like a sledgehammer slamming against steel plate). Once this altercation is finished, the duo then somehow disables the armour-plated drill with phasers and are beamed to safety, while Nero shoves a slug down Pike's throat (apparently to obtain Starfleet defence codes, but since these are never actually used, a far more simpler explanation is that Nero is a sadistic twat).
However, they are too late, and Nero deploys Red Matter (some sort of apocalyptic jelly) into the centre of Vulcan, causing a black hole that quickly devours the planet. Spock evacuates the Vulcan Council, but - in the latest sci-fi cliche - is unable to save his mother (Winona Ryder, smothered in a wrap to attempt to hide the fact that she is only six years older than her son).
In the aftermath, the Acting Captain Spock somewhat disproportionally maroons Kirk on a Hoth-like ice world for criticising his orders. After being chased by a cameo appearance of Abram's Cloverfield monster into a cave, he encounters another cameo in the form of Leonard Nimoy's older Spock, whose presence is explained via the tried-and-true Star Trek convention of time travel. One brief exposition scene later, and we learn that Spock closed a supernova using Red Matter, but was unable to do so before it erased Romulus from existence, hence explaining Nero's motivations. However, any sympathy the viewer could hold with Nero is dispelled by the fact that he is an unambiguously evil asshole who likes shoving invertebrate animals down other people's throats. One wonders why Nero, being sucked into the black hole along with Spock and sent back in time, didn't just use the opportunity to warn Romulus about the future catastrophe. However, since poking holes in Roberto Oci and Alex Kurtzman's script is akin to outrunning a quadriplegic, it is simply unfair to scrutinise it too deeply.
Spock Prime and Kirk then waltz over to a nearby Starfleet outpost, populated by some unknown malcontent called Montgomery Scott (Simon Pegg). Utilising an as-yet-undiscovered method of beaming onto spaceships in warp, Kirk and Scott arrive back on board Enterprise, with a superfluous scene of the latter materialising in a reactant pipe (for the sole reason that, yes, Scotty is comic relief). On Spock Prime's earlier advice, Kirk convinces Spock the Younger to throw a hissy fit and resign his command, leaving Kirk as Captain. The Enterprise then moves to confront the Narada as it attacks Earth, which eventually culminates in an ending that basically plays like the final scenes of The Wrath of Khan - only with a boring villain and no main characters dying. Needless to say, the Red Matter container is damaged and - despite the fact that a single drop was enough to produce a black hole strong enough to suck in both Nero and Spock Elder's ship - the entire vat only produces a marginally large singularity, which the crew valiantly defeat by throwing their warp drive at it. One Leonard Nimoy monologue and Gene Roddenberry's original score later, and its all over.
Despite sounding short in summary, the film is padded out with a myriad of useless scenes that add nothing but minutes to the total running time. One character I have not mentioned much is Nero himself; partly because he has so few scenes, and partly because Bana's weak, unimaginative performance is entirely forgettable. Star Trek films were often defined by their villains, and so to have one who is so wholly unmemorable is a major blow at the very starting block. Nero is not the only character marred by acting; the interpretations of the famous Enterprise crew range from brilliant to bearable. Zachary Quentin is a passable, if somewhat personality-less, Spock, and is entirely eclipsed by the arrival of Leonard Nimoy. James T. Kirk is reduced to a cliche; a poorly-developed maverick who inspires amusement and loathing in equal measures. Karl Urban turns out a decent performance as Doctor "Bones" McCoy but Zoe Saldana demotes Uhura to an entirely background role and love interest, playing foil to Kirk's dickish behaviour. Simon Pegg as Scotty is entirely comic relief filler, while Anton Yelchin plays Pavel Chekov as a Red Alert extra.
The utmost regret is that such a great opportunity to revitalise the franchise was squandered. An impressive budget put to waste on epic spatial warfare rather than style and content. Star Trek is a dumb, fast-paced film that substitutes plot and character development for melodrama and action sequences resembling an LSD trip. Every sci-fi cliche is present here - from planet-destroying devices to time travel. Kirk's childhood is just another generic "troubled kid with nothing to lose" affair, and Captain Nero could be the most insipidly uninspiring nemesis in the franchise's history. There were one-shot villains from the TV shows that were more interesting to watch. Combined with the rest of the cast doing caricatures of the original crew, you are left with a hollow sci-fi blockbuster, with little of the spirit and wit of its source material; Star Trek as "bubblegum pop", if you will. Regardless, the film will continue to reap in revenue, and a sequel is already in the works. In an ideal world, they would scrap the current hacks in charge of script-writing and replace Abrams with someone capable of elevating the franchise to its full potential, and finally - just finally - we might have a good Star Trek film not directed by Nicholas Meyer.
The implausibly high ratings from critics (no doubt too intoxicated by nostalgia to ponder tiny details such as the film actually being any good) and hype told us that this was going to be Star Trek's Batman Begins. Instead, we got Batman & Robin.
