There once was this guy who was a massive Elvis fan.
He listened to Elvis when he woke up, he listened to Elvis after breakfast, he listened to Elvis before lunch, he listened to Elvis after lunch. He listened to Elvis before dinner, and he listened to Elvis after dinner. He listened to Elvis before going to bed, and when he slept, he had an old Elvis-record playing in his room. He listened to Elvis all through the day.
And while that is all fine, and the man was happy with his life, it just so happened that he began to feel lonely, living all by himself. Lonely as he was, he figured he should get himself a room-mate. Not only would he get company, he would get help to pay the rent as well. There was only one problem: If the room-mate was going to be able to stand living with him, the room-mate would also have to be a fan of Elvis. Surely, finding someone who loved Elvis as much as he did could not be easy, he thought.
Well, he would have to try regardless, he said to himself. Nothing comes to he who does not try. So he tried to find a room-mate; but, just as he had foreseen, he could not find anyone who loved Elvis enough to want to live with him.
The, one day, while walking to the grocery store, he overheard a guy humming an old Elvis-tune. He approached the guy - a young man, about his age - and told him:
"Umm, hi. Listen, I just couldn't help but notice you were humming an Elvis-tune just then. You see, I really need a room-mate, but I am such a huge Elvis-fan that noone who does not really love Elvis can stand living with me. You, however, look like a man who does indeed appreciate The King's music, so hear me out: If you move in with me, we can listen to Elvis when we wake up, we can listen to Elvis after breakfast, we can listen to Elvis before lunch, we can listen to Elvis after lunch. We can listen to Elvis before dinner, and we can listen to Elvis after dinner. We might listen to Elvis before going to bed, and when we sleep, we will have an old Elvis-record playing in our rooms. We can listen to Elvis all through the day. What do you say?"
"That sounds okay with me. It just so happens that I was looking for a new place to live at the moment" the man replied.
And as such, the man had gotten himself a room-mate. All was well in their lives, and they did indeed listen to Elvis all through the day. They listened to Elvis after breakfast, they listened to Elvis before lunch, they listened to Elvis after lunch. Tey listened to Elvis before dinner, and they listened to Elvis after dinner. They listened to Elvis before going to bed, and when they slept, they had an old Elvis-record playing in their rooms.
However, what the Elvis-fan did not notice was that his new room-mate was slowly being driven from his mind. Before a week had passed, the new room-mate moved out of the apartment.
The Elvis-fan had now - in only a week - become so accustomed to having a room-mate, that he could not stand being alone again. So he began desperately searching for a new person to live with. After a few days of looking, he finally noticed a girl on the subway that was listening to an Elvis-song on her iPod, quietly humming along. Remembering the last time he met someone who hummed an Elvis-song, the Elvis-fan thought this was his chance. Like last time, he approached the stranger:
"Hi there. Listen, I just couldn't help but notice you were listening to an Elvis-tune just now. You see, I really need a room-mate, but I am such a huge Elvis-fan that noone who does not really love Elvis can stand living with me. You, however, look like a girl who does indeed appreciate the music of The King, so hear me out: If you move in with me, we can listen to Elvis when we wake up, we can listen to Elvis after breakfast, we can listen to Elvis before lunch, we can listen to Elvis after lunch. We can listen to Elvis before dinner, and we can listen to Elvis after dinner. We might listen to Elvis before going to bed, and when we sleep, we will have an old Elvis-record playing in our rooms. We can listen to Elvis all through the day. What do you think about that?"
"Well, the rent at the place where I live right now is shit, and it isn't such a great apartment in any case, so sure; I'll move in with you." The girl replied.
Once again, the Elvis-fan found himself with a room-mate. He was extatic, and played his records at an even more intense volume than usual. The girl managed to live with him for only two weeks, before she was so tired of Elvis that she would rather stick a screwdriver through her ear than listen to one more of his songs. She moved out.
For the second time, the Elvis-fan had been left by his room-mate. He wasn't in the best of moods. He said to himself:
"Now, I'll try once more to find a room-mate who loves Elvis as much as I do, and if it doesn't work out this time either, I'll just give up."
So once again he restarted his search for a true Elvis-enthusiast. Sometime after the first week of searching, he entered a gas-station to fill his gas-tank and pick up some sweets while he was at it. While he stood there, manning the pump, a truck drove up beside him, and out stepped the driver: a slightly obese man wearing a shirt with an Elvis-motive. With the driver's door of the truck open, the Elvis-fan could notice "Blue suede shoes" playing at a volume that would have to be nearly unbearable to anyone sitting inside.
"A man of my tastes" he thought to himself.
Having become quite used to this by now, the Elvis-fan stopped the gas-pump and approached him without a second thought.
"Hey you! Listen, I just couldn't help but notice your shirt, and that you were playing an Elvis-tune in your truck back there. You see, I really need a room-mate, but I am such a huge Elvis-fan that none of those people I normally encounter can stand living with me. You, however, look like a man who has a taste for The King's music, so I have a proposal: If you move in with me, we can listen to Elvis when we wake up, we can listen to Elvis after breakfast, we can listen to Elvis before lunch, we can listen to Elvis after lunch. We can listen to Elvis before dinner, and we can listen to Elvis after dinner. We might listen to Elvis before going to bed, and when we sleep, we will have an old Elvis-record playing in our rooms. We can listen to Elvis all through the day. Sounds great, eh?"
"Well, that sounds good and all" the trailer-driver replied. "But I'm not really looking for a place to live at the moment. You see, I live out of my truck. How about this though: You leave your car here, and you can come live with me in my truck, and then we can listen to Elvis when we wake up, we can listen to Elvis after breakfast, we can listen to Elvis before stopping to pee the first time, and after stopping to pee the first time. We'll listen to Elvis before lunch, we'll listen to Elvis after lunch, and we'll listen to Elvis before the second pee-stop and we'll listen to Elvis after the second pee-stop. We can listen to Elvis before stopping for dinner, and we can listen to Elvis after dinner. After that, we'll listen to Elvis up until we need to stop to take a dump, and then we'll listen to Elvis after having done that. Then we'll take turns sleeping and driving the truck, and when one sleeps, the other will be listening to an old Elvis-record. That way, we can listen to Elvis practically 24/7."
The Elvis-fan could not believe his ears. He immedeately accepted the offer, and went to live with the truck-driver. The two of them drove off from the gas-station, fully tanked, and content that they had gotten themselves a new friend.
The cargo in the truck that day happened to be tomatoes, and just as they drove out of the gas station, one of the tomatoes fell out and was smashed against the tarmac. The Elvis-fan noticed this, and he quickly rolled down the window, and shouted "You've gotta ketchup!"
Ketchup - catch up, get it?
