Poll: The real threat to our planet

[Tactical Pause]

So I've been lurking on this forum for a while now, and I'm shocked by just how blind everyone is to the greatest danger humanity will ever face. I cannot sit idly by while our world is torn apart by...

Spoiler

BEARSHARKIGATORS!

As we all know, these beasts are growing bolder by the day and the bearsharkigator apocalypse is no longer simply speculation, it is coming.

So now I ask you, you all have a zombie plan, but what is your bearsharkigator plan (and please take into account the recent alliance the bearsharkigators have formed with the giant scorpiohawchnids, which will allow them to fly)?

 

[Popadoo]

Oh Jesus, I've been so blind! Obviously fighting isn't a choice, I will die doing what I do best.
Hiding in a corner crying softly.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

 

[Padwolf]

Mother of god...

I will die by doing what we should all do, die welcoming our new overlords!

 

[Scarim Coral]

Quick someone make a Crocodile Dundee/ Bear trap/ Jaws hunter hybrid!!

If no one can make one in time than I guess I will died from a heart attack from all the running I will be doing to get away from that thing!

 

[an annoyed writer]

So I've been lurking on this forum for a while now, and I'm shocked by just how blind everyone is to the greatest danger humanity will ever face. I cannot sit idly by while our world is torn apart by...

Spoiler

BEARSHARKIGATORS!

As we all know, these beasts are growing bolder by the day and the bearsharkigator apocalypse is no longer simply speculation, it is coming.

So now I ask you, you all have a zombie plan, but what is your bearsharkigator plan (and please take into account the recent alliance the bearsharkigators have formed with the giant scorpiohawchnids, which will allow them to fly)?

You son of a *****! We were hiding our master plan SOOOOO well but you just had to rat us out, didn't you? Well, I can tell you one thing though: your intel is heavily outdated. We've already achieved space travel, we've colonized Pandora, and because of US you people now have the movie Avatar. We let James Cameron come with us to film his opus. That's why there's such a gap between Titanic and Avatar. And one more thing: if we hear one more leak from you, you can say hello to a 200,000-kilo slug through the roof of your house. You've been triangulated by our satellites and they're ready to strike if we so much as hear another peep from you. Good day.



Sincerely,

Forward Admiral Val Halsey,
5th fleet of the Bearsharkigator Coalition Governments

 

[Tactical Pause]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

While this would seem more plausible, you forget to take into account the current cold war between the Waspigorillas and the Coalition of Cross-Bred Marine Life (of which the Sharktopus is president). To initiate the animalistic endwar during a time of such strife would likely break apart the entire CCBML.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

While this would seem more plausible, you forget to take into account the current cold war between the Waspigorillas and the Coalition of Cross-Bred Marine Life (of which the Sharktopus is president). To initiate the animalistic endwar during a time of such strife would likely break apart the entire CCBML.

But aren't the bearsharkigators ALSO part of the Coalition of Cross-Bred Marine Life?
I mean they are part shark and part gator...

 

[Kinguendo]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

See, this is a very real and very serious threat... not some clearly fake crature made out of a bear, an alligator and a shark, how would they exist? You have your shark that live entirely in water... then your cold-blooded alligator that sleeps most of the time... then your bear that sleeps for what half of the year? Oh and thanks to the back half being a sharks fin you have severely comprimised motor functions, I could out walk that thing and now I can just hide in a tree until it dehydrates.

But the Sharktopus, that shit be fierce!

 

[Atmos Duality]

The Sharktopus is naught but the first line in the ranks of the Porpoise People.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

See, this is a very real and very serious threat... not some clearly fake crature made out of a bear, an alligator and a shark, how would they exist? You have your shark that live entirely in water... then your cold-blooded alligator that sleeps most of the time... then your bear that sleeps for what half of the year? Oh and thanks to the back half being a sharks fin you have severely comprimised motor functions, I could out walk that thing and now I can just hide in a tree until it dehydrates.

But the Sharktopus, that shit be fierce!

This guy's intel on us is severely outdated. That's basically our equivalent to your neanderthal counterparts. We have four limbs and a much shorter tail. And whoever thinks that we're subservient to the Sharktopuses is a goddamn idiot. We keep those things as pets. Sharktopus is a Bearsharkgator's best friend. I've got two, by the names of chippy and chompy. You are right about one thing though: they are fierce little shits.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

So I've been lurking on this forum for a while now

Wait... is this whole story actually a fabrication to distract us from the fact that you've been lurking?

 

[Tactical Pause]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

While this would seem more plausible, you forget to take into account the current cold war between the Waspigorillas and the Coalition of Cross-Bred Marine Life (of which the Sharktopus is president). To initiate the animalistic endwar during a time of such strife would likely break apart the entire CCBML.

But aren't the bearsharkigators ALSO part of the Coalition of Cross-Bred Marine Life?
I mean they are part shark and part gator...

They were, but were exiled after taking on the body of a grizzly bear.

Wait... is this whole story actually a fabrication to distract us from the fact that you've been lurking?

LOOK OUT THERE'S A BEARSHARKIGATOR BEHIND YOU!

 

[Esotera]

Oh God, I can't stop laughing at the thought of one of those trying to do front crawl...

I live on a remote hill next to an army base, and my house is built with very thick granite walls. It also has space for a select few other escapists, if you can trek down to South West UK.

 

[DrOswald]

I always imagined we'd have a Sharkotopus Apocalypse before bearsharkigators.

After all, Sharktopus has a movie, and we all know everything we see on TV is true.

Spoiler

No, you fool, while the Sharkotopus is the master of the sea only the bearsharkigator has the potential to rule by sea and by land!

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

You'll have to bear with me, because there's no way i'll just bow down and panda to their demands. They can caiman get me but I'm well consealed and their raydar will never find me. Bwa ha ha ha!

That's right, I went there.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Wait... is this whole story actually a fabrication to distract us from the fact that you've been lurking?

LOOK OUT THERE'S A BEARSHARKIGATOR BEHIND YOU!

Don't feel ashamed...

*Cue dramatic inspirational music*

Who are we?
We are beings of darkness, living in the shadows of unsuspecting forums.
We are amongst the oldest and most ancient of creatures.
We see you, but you don't see us.
We may choose not to participate, but that doesn't mean we aren't watching, we are ALWAYS watching.

Who are we?
We are lurkers.
[HEADING=2]LURKERS UNITE![/HEADING]

 

[Hazy992]

This thread will end well.

Anyway, I for one welcome our new Bearsharkigator overlords. HAIL BEARSHARKIGATORS.

Was that not good enough? I'm sorry my masters! No please NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

[kickassfrog]

I will die trying to do what we've done countless times before- wipe out an entire species.
It's not like there's a shortage species that are physically superior to us. As long as we have fighter aircraft we still have the upper hand.

 

[Jamash]

I'm not buying it.

If you look closely at the photo and take note of the light source and the shadows cast by the trees, you should also notice that this so called "Bearsharkigator" isn't casting any shadow itself.

I've seen enough hoaxes in my time to be 98% sure that this has been Photoshopped.