Question about my life...

[renegade7]

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

I know it kinda sounds like a stupid thing to ask, but then, I am only young once...

 

[Javak]

I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it?

You yourself have stated that you don't see the fun by using alchohol to do stupid things. If your drinking to get drunk, don't do it. This will cause you to do some things you will regret. If you're drinking because you like a certain type of drink or if your trying new things, take it all in moderation.

One of your friends had sex with 2 random people and can't remember who they are. Does this seem like a good idea to you?

 

[Griffolion]

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

I know it kinda sounds like a stupid thing to ask, but then, I am only young once...

If you don't enjoy it (as you stated) and do it, you'll look back on your life and go "I really wish I'd never done that."

Hindsight is 20/20, and it's also a double edged sword. Take this hypothetical situation, there's you who 'plays it safe' and your friend who gets wasted and has sex with two guys. Now look to when you're both ~40. She has a 21 year old son and is currently suffering with a herpes flare up. You perhaps have a 10 year old son, in a loving relationship with a woman you've met and are suffering with no STI's at all. I'd much sooner take the "maybe I did miss out but have no STI's/illegitimate children" route than the "I really wish I'd have played it safe but I didn't and now have herpes and children" route. You dig?

I'm not saying that situation WILL or HAS happened, but it's just something to illustrate my viewpoint.

I've done the random sex with people thing, i've done the party thing, they never ever are satisfying. They leave you probably worse of than you were before, because you've done stupid things that leave you with no self-respect. Self restraint, while archaic and boring to some, is ultimately the better choice, especially in your situation where damaging temptations and real health dangers are abound.

Don't worry about the v-card thing either, respect to you for not just going to try and lose it with any random person for the sake of losing it. Again, it seems like a big deal while you still have it, but then you lose it and realise that nothing about your social adjustment/dynamic has changed at all. "Virginity" is one of the most over-blown and over-hyped pieces of modern, young culture that should be left alone because it's ridiculous. Respect to you for not bothering with parties or getting wasted. You have a mature head on your shoulders that sees past the shallow "fun" and sees the folly in it all. The only people that will ever tell you that you "missed out" are the ones who did all that stupid stuff. The ironic thing is that they may utter that sentence to you and then have to take their HIV medication...

You're missing out on nothing, be you, live your life to how YOU want to do it, don't take rubbish from anyone.

One of your friends had sex with 2 random people and can't remember who they are. Does this seem like a good idea to you?

+1 to this.

 

[Avistew]

Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

Quite honestly, I know way more people who regret the other way around. You're not doing things you're not interested in doing, and that's good. Some people enjoy them so they do them, some just want to know what it's like (and often regret). You're not interested in that kind of life, you wouldn't like it.
Enjoy life so you don't have any regrets later on, but do so in a way you will actually enjoy. Go to movies, play games, whatever. Don't do something that isn't appealing just because others do it, chances are you'd hate it and regret not staying home reading or surfing the net or playing games.

 

[FreakSheet]

My opinion? I'm in a similar situation. I take like no risks, and I mean, AT ALL (even in games... yeah, I'm a wuss*) and I'm also one of the smarter kids in school. I haven't tried alcohol (I am still 17 so its illegal) and I probably will never get drunk, as I've seen how it can F people up. Never had sex, and I won't (not probably, WON'T) have sex till its with the right person for the right reasons. So just hang in there, the pressure may be a lot, but in the end you can look back and say "I wasn't a stupid teen." and you'll be all the better for it. Especially when you run into that girl and she has a crap job and a kid, while you have a nice job with a real family.

*SHUT UP. Ravenholm is terrifying!

 

[jobu59749]

Wow...it's like hearing about my high school life. I was the exact same way. I didn't go to parties, I didn't drink, I didn't sex it up, I hung out with my friends and played video games and rarely talked to girls.

I'm here to tell you, it pays off. I met my now wife while I was in high school, but we never go physically involved. We went on dates and kept it slow. I didn't go to my first part until my freshman year of college, got drunk for the first time, discovered how much recovery sucks.

The thing is, you've got to have your own moral values. If you thinking drinking and getting stupid is bad, then don't do it...don't be pressured into it. If you give into that pressure, you're letting people mold you into something that you deep down don't want to be. If it's something you decide to do, you'll choose the right time, on your own, to do so. My wife is the only girl I ever had a relationship with and it's the best relationship I could hope for. I'm glad I didn't take risks of being some random baby's daddy and throwing away all the things I worked hard to achieve.

Stay true to you and if your friends can't respect that....they aren't really your friends, just a bunch of douchebags.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Mand I probably will never get drunk, as I've seen how it can F people up. Never had sex, and I won't (not probably, WON'T) have sex till its with the right person for the right reasons.

Same here. I've come close to getting drunk once (Well, I was super tipsy), and that's as far as I want to go. I like to have full control over myself so I don't do or say something stupid.

And as far as the sex goes, I'm also waiting for the right time/person/reasons. I wouldn't mind it if my GF and I went there, but I'm in no hurry either. To me, sex is about forming a deeper, primal bond with the other person. So casual, pointless sex doesn't really interest me.

And honestly, if you're just looking for an orgasm, your right hand will do that for you, without any of the complications of dating.

 

[LiraelG]

I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

As some have already said, you aren't missing out on anything if you don't see the point in it. I don't drink or go out clubbing. I've tried clubbing a few times and hated it, and what's so great about spending money on a substance that will damage my health? Much better to spend it on good food, books, games, and meals/coffee with friends.

The only worry for me was missing out on making friends. However, the idea that alcohol is required to form a friendship is ridiculous. If you don't enjoy the drinking culture, it's very difficult (if not impossible) to hold a real conversation with people who are drunk, and you aren't as likely to find lifelong friends in a loud, stupid environment. You can make friends in a variety of ways. Focus on the ways which seem positive to you!

I have spoken to friends who have taken part in nights out and orgies. Those who have grown up wise have either forgotten about them due to being too drunk, in which case they regret what could have happened, or remember what did happen and feel ashamed/disgusted. One friend has been exploited several times: sometimes she's exploited by the greasiest, most desperate men; occasionally she's been exploited by cocky lads who think they're awesome.

The hangover isn't pleasant either, I hear.

Remember: even if it seems like 'everyone else is doing it,' they're not. I think this thread shows that you are not alone.

 

[Ando85]

You aren't missing out on anything. I know a lot of people whom did the kind of stuff you are talking about. The same people that made fun of me for being a virgin eventually had a child before they hit 20 years old. Whose laughing now?

 

[tharglet]

Tbh, it doesn't take a lot to go off the rails. Intelligence doesn't prevent you from doing stupid things, and in some cases increases certain stupidities.

If you want to drink, then I suggest doing it with a small group of people you trust the first time, or having a drink with your family. Then you'll sort of know what kind of effects it gives, apart from the totally wasted bit (which I think is totally overrated).

I don't think you're really missing out. People like to "big up" the things they do, stupid or not, but you don't really "win" from these random encounters.

Just have sex when you're ready for it, and try not to stress too much over things ^^

 

[clipse15]

Ok so i'm going to go against the grain here. A lot of people seem to be under the impression that drinking and partying and having sex means that you have no morals or that your going to turn out to be a worse person for some reason. Back in high school i know one person who had a kid at 17. She andd her BF took it slow andd made sure to have protection and you know what? she got pregnant anyway. All the other kids i knew who were partying it up and having tons of sex no kids for them. You know what that means? That nothing you do is going to have a certain outcome.

I was a huge partier in high school and now i have my dream job right now working at a few local tv stations in the control room. The point is if you want to experiment then go ahead, if you don't then don't but not doing it doesn't make you a better person and experimenting doesn't automatically make you a worse person.

 

[Nickolai77]

If you don't personally feel comfortable drinking and sleeping around them great, everyone's different. I know there is pressure to socially conform, but what "society" wants you to do and not do isn't exactly a rational thing, and blindly conforming to it tends not to be a good idea- it strips your individuality for one, costs a lot of money and can lead you into danger.

What's making you feel uncomfortable is the part of the brain that's urging you to socially conform- and while we all need to conform to a certain extent, there's nothing wrong at all with resisting such urges. In fact, if your not comfortable in your social environment and the pressures and expectations, then your probably in the wrong social environment- move on and make new friends whom are more like you, and you won't feel the pressure to conform.


You may however want to *try* and go along to these parties and have a few drinks. If you like it fine- enjoying parties and drinking probably won't ruin your life. If you don't, then that's also good. It means when your too old to go out and have parties, drink and have wild sex, you won't look back on your life and think "I wish i had tried that...". If you try going to these parties and not like them, you can confidently reject any further invitations knowing that you won't enjoy it.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

I know it kinda sounds like a stupid thing to ask, but then, I am only young once...

Sounds like she's living and you're not.

If you get a chance, read through either Iron Fist or Solo Command (I forget which, they're both Star Wars books, one after the other). There's a fella in these books by the name of Myn Donos, who is referred to by another character as a 'walking dead man', who does pretty much what you do, plays it safe all the time and never really does anything that takes him out of the background.

 

[dmase]

You have to decide which way you want your life to go. Its not like your wrong for wanting to not get drunk till puking or having sex with random strangers but its not like your wrong for doing those things. Is that lifestyle with alcohol and other things more dangerous, yes, but its funner in the moment and you don't have to lose yourself in a moment to enjoy the moment itself. It does sound like you need to get out a little more or try some new things, thats just meant to be a general statement that amounts to go do something spontaneous but not incredibly stupid.

Go to a party and drink a little -good spontaneous
Go steal a car- bad spontaneous

 

[Son of a Mitch]

If you aren't into that kind of lifestyle, then do what I do and don't give a shit about it. I really don't like the drinking/smoking parties and doing stupid crap. I have fun just hanging out with some friends, grab some pizza and drinks, catch a movie, and play games, so just do what you like.

 

[cobra_ky]

Ok so i'm going to go against the grain here. A lot of people seem to be under the impression that drinking and partying and having sex means that you have no morals or that your going to turn out to be a worse person for some reason. Back in high school i know one person who had a kid at 17. She andd her BF took it slow andd made sure to have protection and you know what? she got pregnant anyway. All the other kids i knew who were partying it up and having tons of sex no kids for them. You know what that means? That nothing you do is going to have a certain outcome.

I was a huge partier in high school and now i have my dream job right now working at a few local tv stations in the control room. The point is if you want to experiment then go ahead, if you don't then don't but not doing it doesn't make you a better person and experimenting doesn't automatically make you a worse person.

see, this guy gets it.

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

what you should learn from this is that deciding to drink/have sex/whatever doesn't really have anything to do with how smart or dumb you are. I know a lot of terribly accomplished people who partied all the time, and i know teetotalling virgins who can't get their life together.

don't think that that getting drunk once or having sex is necessarily going to ruin your life. it can, but if you're responsible about and take appropriate precautions then chances are you'd be fine.

that said, don't feel like you're missing out on anything if you decide not to. Like video games or anything else, it's a matter of taste. Drinking and wild sex are things that appeal to a lot of people, but not everyone. Chances are that if you'd ever regret it, you'd be regretting it now.

tl;dr: do what you want to do. don't listen to anyone telling you that you aren't really living, or that going out and having fun on occasion makes you a terrible person. what matters is what's important to you.

 

[Svenparty]

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

I know it kinda sounds like a stupid thing to ask, but then, I am only young once...

I do feel a large amount of social occasions are being missed out on by not drinking. You don't have to do kegstands or anything but maybe even just carrying a glass of wine and going to parties non drunk. Are you going to an university or anything? Most people end up having wild experiences then.

 

[aba1]

So I want to start by saying I've always kind of played it safe. I'm almost 18, but I'm the last of my friends to have never had a girlfriend. I've also never had alcohol, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last of my friends to still have their "V-card". Anyway, this is prompted because one of my friends, probably the most well adjust person I know, just told me that she got wasted at a party and had sex with 2 different guys, though she can't remember who they are. And she's one of those overachiever types, already got colleges picked out, 34 on her ACT, like 1500 on her SAT (or something), 4.0 GPA. Yet she still went out and did those things..

See, I kind of always thought it was the dumbass/burnout/stereotypical "stupid kid" who did stuff like that. Not someone with like her. So basically, it's the dumb kids doing it, and the smart ones doing it, and I guess I'm the only one not...I've never been one to give into peer pressure, really I just don't see the fun in getting drunk and doing stupid things like that...but everyone else IS doing it, so is there something to it? Am I missing out? Am I going to look back on my teenage years when I'm older and regret playing it safe all the time?

I know it kinda sounds like a stupid thing to ask, but then, I am only young once...

Try not to look at people in such stereotypes dude. People are people and everyones different people who judge others based on stupid tv stereotypes lose out on great friends and useful conections. Also sex is a very small part of life and you are still very early in I wouldnt worry about it just be friendly and easy going and you will meet a girl whos nice to spend time with and itll happen when it happens. People in highschool and even college think its so cool to go out n get sloshed n hump any piece of meat that will let them honestly its the reason alot of grown adults look down at teens there is just more important things to life and esspecially at that time in your life. Just relax have some fun with your friends while you still can because half them are going to be gone sooner or later.