Relationships and cheating vs breakup

[mtk2a]

Life is complicated.

I've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. We are both 27. We love each other in that 'sentimental' way and have been planning to spend our lives together. It is comfortable and familiar. Until recently, I was perfectly happy.

Then things got complicated.

I met a girl. She's 21, asian, drop dead gorgeous, horny, and all over me.

She wants me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. When this subject came up, I did what I thought I should do, and immediately told her I was in a committed relationship. Frankly I thought this would nip the problem in the bud, but it didn't. She says it makes her want me more. The problem is, I really like her and I'm totally tempted. She is absolutely fantastic. We share the same interests, shes funny and smart, and my GOD is she hot. She knows she's got me wrapped up, I've unfortunately admitted how attractive I think she is.

We have exchanged some discreet text messages, some risque online chat, and a little bit of what you might call phone sex. But nothing physical, yet.

So the question becomes, what do I do now? I still love my girlfriend, but it just isn't exciting. Not like this new girl. She makes me feel alive. Is it just an illusion?

Is it worth giving up something stable and comfortable for something exciting and new?

Should I break up with my longtime girlfriend for something that might amount to nothing more than a fling?
Should I cheat on my girlfriend for some fun on the side?
Am I totally insane for even considering this?

 

[zombiesinc]

The fact that you're considering cheating on her with someone who's 'hot 'n horny', and have had phone sex with this girl says a lot about how much you respect your girlfriend and your relationship. Do her the decency of breaking up with her, nobody deserves to be cheated on, and you've already emotionally cheated on her.

 

[KrubixCube]

If you're thinking about cheating it probably means something's not working for you. Well, not that you had the urge, but if you're seriously considering doing it, then something's wrong there. But yeah, don't cheat, at least break up with the other girl first.

It's not wrong to consider an alternative, it's human, but just make sure you're not giving up on a relationship just for the attention.

 

[LetalisK]

She says it makes her want me more.

That right there should tell you all you need to know. If you become available to her then you will immediately lose a ton of attractiveness to her. She probably always gets what she wants and the fact that she can't have you is what is driving this. She'll lose interest fast if you succumb to her.

 

[Lionsfan]

Don't do it. The fact that you're thinking about cheating (and quite serious about it, it seems) shows that something in your current relationship isn't working. I suggest taking a long hard look at your relationship, and if you're not happy, then end it before doing anything with this Asian girl. I don't know how long you and your girlfriend have been together, but just about everybody deserves a real breakup, not something rushed out so you can hook up with a new girl guilt free

 

[Neo10101]

Well,I would almost guarantee that if you go with the hotter, younger girl then it will almost definitely not last very long, she will obviously know that you are willing to cheat on someone, so this is baiscally where you make that very important decision in life where you are either going to be constantly jumping from new relationship to new relationship, prolly no kids, and very little trust in people, or one similar person, maybe some kids that you can completely trust, it may get boring but everything can be rekindled, if I were you Id stick with the girl that you love for sure and that loves you for sure. Oh, and for the love of God if you do ditch the hot young Asian make sure above all else that she has no proof of your risque behavior, because if you do ditch her and she doesn't like that she may try and show everything to your g/f. So whatever you do decide be very very careful with how you proceed.

 

[dmase]

If you can live with yourself after you cheat and not tell her the next day then you don't deserve her. yeah your crazy for considering this. Just break up with her if your going to cheat and then come back on your knees(if you must) saying what you did. But you better be ready for her to never trust you again because why do you deserve her trust, ask yourself that and ask yourself how you trust another person when you can't trust yourself to turn down an advance.

 

[clipse15]

A lot of people on here will tell you not to do it and how you're terrible for even thinking about it. Those people aren't in your situation. Honestly I say go for it but only on the condition that it's purely physical.

I know it's not because you don't care about your girlfriend that you want to do this, it's the fact that you've reached that "love" stage where your both comfortable with how everything is, you don't need to go out to have fun you can sit and enjoy each other's company and breaks of silences aren't awkward. Trust me i've been there and that's a good place to be but it's not exciting anymore.

TLDR: Go for it don't break up with your girlfriend for a 21 year old but definitly go the cheating route

 

[LetalisK]

A lot of people on here will tell you not to do it and how you're terrible for even thinking about it. Those people aren't in your situation. Honestly I say go for it but only on the condition that it's purely physical.

You assume too much.

 

[mtk2a]

Look, its not like it was my idea "hey I think I'll cheat on my girlfriend", I wasn't the one that suggested it, she was.

I know I KNOW its a bad idea, but that doesn't mean the temptation isn't there, I'm only human.

Ultimately, I can't consider cheating on my girlfriend, its just not right. But just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm contractually obligated to spend my entire life with her does it? Its not like we are already married. We have just been together longer than any of my past relationships.

Its not like this situation happens to me every day, in fact it is extremely unusual. I have had women hit on me (yeah I guess I kind of grew into being decent looking after high school) but none have ever thrown themselves at me like this, and all others have backed off when they find out I'm in a relationship.

Its not just that she's hot (although, yeah, SHE IS), but shes also smart, funny, great personality, outgoing, everything I would look for. We both like art and music, and she even plays video games. She is actually a good fit for me and I'm just being honest when I say that I'm attracted to her.

But at the end of the day its a huge risk. Yeah maybe I MIGHT be happier, but who knows for how long? Sure the long term relationship loses its luster and excitement after a while, but as far as I can tell, thats the way these things always go. The "new tail" is always going to look appealing from this side of the fence, and I know its a matter of perspective. But the drive and the desire is there, and I can't deny its existence just because I'm scared of losing what I already have.

Always playing it safe and 'standing at 16' isn't necessarily the way to win at blackjack. Sometimes you have to take a risk and hope for the best. Sometimes you bust. Sometimes you hit 21.

Don't think I'm here because I'm looking for that perfect piece of advice, or that I think any of you random forum posters know how to run my life better than I do, I just wanted a sounding board to bounce these thoughts off of because frankly, its really noisy where I'm standing. I can't exactly get advice from my friends because they are all mutual friends of my GF and something could slip.

For anyone that cares, I'm not going to cheat. So all of you morality experts out there can rest a little easier. But I still don't know what to do, or how to deal with this situation. Life is just complicated.

 

[Sniper Team 4]

You go through with this, and this Asian girl is going to leave you after she's had her fun. You know why she wants you more because you said no? Because it's a game to her, nothing more. She wants to be better than your girlfriend, and odds are she has some self esteem issues because she has to tear other people's happiness apart to get her kicks. I'm also willing to bet that you don't, in fact, share the same interests. She's just pretending because she'll say and do whatever she can to get you. You are walking a dangerous path. She will leave you. Your old girlfriend will want nothing to do with you once the Asian has had her fun, and you will regret it.

 

[clipse15]

A lot of people on here will tell you not to do it and how you're terrible for even thinking about it. Those people aren't in your situation. Honestly I say go for it but only on the condition that it's purely physical.

He is being terrible for even thinking about it. Don't expect any sympathy from me - I have absolutely no chance of ever having a girlfriend, so to hear about this guy just willing to cast off his woman for a new piece of tail is extremely frustrating. He owes it to his girlfriend to leave her in favourable circumstances - that is, ditching this opportunist and telling the current girlfriend flat out that he's not interested. Given his post, it seems that he'd have no real trouble getting a new girlfriend elsewhere.

Well I don't believe that he's asking for sympathy he's asking for advice and I gave him a response that I think fits his situation. Just because he can get another girlfriend doesn't mean he should leave his current girlfriend. He didn't say he wanted to leave her he just said he's interested in a fling with this other girl

 

[Svenparty]

For anyone that cares, I'm not going to cheat. So all of you morality experts out there can rest a little easier. But I still don't know what to do, or how to deal with this situation. Life is just complicated.

If this is still a problem I can relate: I have cheated on my girlfriend before and ultimately I was surprised by how much I beat myself up about it for several months. It nearly destroyed me and telling her was devastating. I understand that there are worse things I could have done but I did not feel like myself for months afterwards.

You probably feel things are pretty monotonous with your girlfriend and feel things are very predictable. You can either break up with her and wait an allocated time to see how you feel about the Asian girl or try and find ways to make your relationship with your girlfriend better. The temptation was extremely overwhelming for me and afterwards there was an intense shame that I wouldn't recommend.