REPORT: An Intimate Interview with Tim Schafer

[PsychicTaco115]

[Img_Inline width="300" height="250" Caption="A thousand yard stare from fighting trolls on Twitter"]http://i.imgur.com/p4J2kn5.jpg
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After an incredibly startling performance at GDC, Tim Schafer has been relatively quite. I went to his office and sat down with the famed game developer in order to get his opinion on the matter and a possible explanation of the event

Are you sure you want to have the sock puppet with us?

Oh yes, he's my PR manager. I don't say anything without hearing from him first.

Fine, fine. How do you feel about the public response following your GDC talk?

*He holds the puppet up to his ear* I think it was one of my more successful talks. People really seem to be taking it well and I enjoyed it.

At least on Twitter, I'd say the response is quite negative

*He holds the puppet up again* Well, that's just the typical reaction of GamerGate supporters. You know how they are, always harassing women and minorities in order to get what they want

Don't you think that's a bit harsh of a judgement?

*He holds the puppet again thrice now* Gamers are dead, the articles said so.

At this point, I take the puppet off of Tim's hand and throw it in the corner. He blinks a few times and looks around, a confused look on his face

Look, I just think that stunts like this help no one

W-what stunts? Where am I? The last thing I remember was working on my games... In fact, I should be working on these now!

What on Earth do you mean?

What do YOU mean?? I've got Broken Age part 2, Stacking DLC and my god, I still need to finish Psychonauts 2 and Grim Fandango 2! Those things aren't gonna code themselv-.

Before he could respond, the sock puppet jumped onto Schafer's body and proceeded to pleasure his -enis starting with a "p". He then made noises that I can only describe as inhuman. I muttered that it was a pleasure to talk and made my way out. The last thought I remember was wondering whether or not to label that as a blow job or a hand job.

<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5HX67WqUSY>Source

-TACO News: More like Cock Puppet, amiright?
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[spartenX]

So Schafer is under the control of some sort of living malevolent sock puppet........you know it's actually kind of obvious in hindsight.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

So Schafer is under the control of some sort of living malevolent sock puppet........you know it's actually kind of obvious in hindsight.

It all makes a kind of sense now

Or maybe the sock puppet is the Marionette from Five Nights at Freddy's!?!

*eyebrow raising intensifies*

 

[Albino Boo]

In breaking news head sockpuppet found

This secretly taken shot of the leading sockpuppet has lead to speculation, that this the first wave of an invasion of Nazi sockpuppets from the moon.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

Well, now we all know what really happened to Tim. We just had to wait until now to really see it for ourselves.

Shame, really.

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

Worrying thing is there are still people on this site that'll take this as a genuine news article.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Worrying thing is there are still people on this site that'll take this as a genuine news article.

But it IS genuine! I wrote it from the heart

Also the term you are looking for is handblow.

I learned something today!

Did I really want to? No but I did

That's real world knowledge right there c:

 

[The Lunatic]

I want him to tell me how 40 + 1 + 1 equals 50.

I mean, with that levels of maths, it's no wonder he can blow through 3.3Million on Double Fine Adventure

 

[FPLOON]

I muttered that it was a pleasure to talk and made my way out.

http://www.jamspreader.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/comp1ab.gif

Also the term you are looking for is handblow.

I believe the correct term is actually "handy blow job"... (Don't ask me how I know that...)

OT: Wow... Tim does say the darnest things...

 

[PsychicTaco115]

I want him to tell me how 40 + 1 + 1 equals 50.

I mean, with that levels of maths, it's no wonder he can blow through 3.3Million on Double Fine Adventure

IT'S HAPPENING D:

OT: Wow... Tim does say the darnest things...

Tim doesn't really have that good of a PR system but I need to be subjective about it

If not for Taco being the creator of this article I might have believed this is something that actually happened.

Truth is stranger than fiction

So ya know

It could happen

 

[PsychicTaco115]

The sock is cheating on them with Tim.

New scandal?

The news should cover this!

#SockGate

 

[tm96]

Are we sure it isn't the sockpuppet running the show? Maybe it has been running it since the beginning from the shadows only to now reveal its else.

 

[FPLOON]

OT: Wow... Tim does say the darnest things...

Tim doesn't really have that good of a PR system but I need to be subjective about it

So, does PR stand for "Puppet Routine" in this situation, then? ;p

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I'm really shocked by the uproar over this. people need to lighten the fuck up.

 

[FPLOON]

I'm really shocked by the uproar over this. people need to lighten the fuck up.

I think they're just jealous of not having a powerful sock puppet of their own... (Hand/blow jobs not required for some, I'm assuming...)

 

[Saetha]

Wait what? What did Schafer do? I feel so left out...