Ruining Literature 5 Words at a Time!

[HyruleanHyroe]

I think this one'll be pretty funny. I'll start things off with a short passage from a famous piece of literature. Each poster can change up to five words (with changes made bold, preferably). The idea is to see how quick we can turn something well established and respected into something ridiculous, hilarious, vulgar, or any combination of the three. Also, feel free to change other people's changes! Maybe we'll start over later with a new passage.

To begin, this excerpt from Jules Verne's "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

"Axel," replied the Professor with perfect coolness, "our situation is almost desperate; but there are some chances of deliverance, and it is these that I am considering. If at every instant we may perish, so at every instant we may be saved. Let us then be prepared to seize upon the smallest advantage."

 

[The Great Zegrool]

"*****," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "our situation is almost desperate; but there are some chances of deliverance, and it is these that I am considering. If at every instant we may perish, so at every instant we may be saved. Let us then be prepared to seize upon the smallest advantage."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

"*****," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "our situation is almost desperate; but there are some shorties over there, and it is these that I am considering. If at every instant we may score, so at every instant we may be rejected. Let us then be prepared to seize upon the smallest advantage."

 

[Dr.Susse]

"*****," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "our situation is almost desperate; but there are some shorties over there, and it is these that I am sniffing. If at every instant we may score, so at every Atm we may be rejected. Let us then be prepared to seize upon the smallest used tissue."

 

[Nikolaz72]

"*****," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "our situation is fire; but there are some shorties over there, and it is these that I am sniffing. If at every instant we may score, so at every Atm we may be rejected. Let us then be prepared to seize upon Wal-Mart's largest ammount of used tissue."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

"*****," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "My groin is on fire; but there are some shorties over there, and it is these that I am sniffing. If at every instant we may score, so at every ATM we may be rejected. Let us then be prepared to sneeze upon Wal-Mart's largest amount of used tissue."

 

[Sporky111]

"Wonderful," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "My groin is on fire; but there are some lubricants, and it is these that I am perusing. If at every instant we may score, so at every ATM we may be emptied. Let us then be prepared to soil Wal-Mart's largest amount of used tissue."

 

[Nikolaz72]

"Lubricin," replied John Lennon with perfect coolness, "My groin is on fire; but there are some lubricants, and it is these that I am perusing. If at every objection we may score, so at every George Bush we may be emptied. Let us then be prepared to soil Wal-Mart's largest amount of used tissue."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

"Lubricin," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "My groin is on fire; but there are some lubricants, and it is these that I am perusing. If at every objection we may score, so at every George Bush we may be emptied. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of used contraceptives."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

--------------

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

-

 

[not_the_dm]

"Lubricin," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "My groin is on fire; but there are some lubricants, and it is these that I am hunting. If at every objection we may score, so at every George Bush we may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of used contraceptives."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

"Lubricin," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "My groin is on fire; but I spy some lubricants, and it is these that I am hunting. If we stay cool we may score, so at every George Bush we may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of used contraceptives."

 

[Lambi]

"Lubricin," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "My groin is on fire; but I spy some lubricants, and it is these that I am murdering. If they feel dirty we may score, so at every George Bush we may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of dirty contraceptives."

 

[Fury Is Me.]

"Justin Beiber," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "Your groin is ridiculously tiny; but I spy some enlargements, and it is these that I am murdering. If they feel dirty we may score, so every George Bush may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of dirty contraceptives."

EDIT:Ninja'd...

 

[Lambi]

"Justin Beiber," wailed John Lennon with abject fury, "Your groin is ridiculously tiny; but I see no enlargements, and that is the reason I am murdering. If they feel dirty we may score, so every George Bush may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of dirty contraceptives."

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

"Justin Beiber," wailed John Travolta with unbridled lust, "Your groin is youthfully tiny; but I see no enlargements, and that is the reason I am murdering. If you feel dirty we may score, so every George Bush may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of dirty contraceptives."

Spoiler: As a side note

Thanks Fury Is Me for fixing my little booboo with the not actually deleting the words not_the_dm indicated. Mah bad.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

(It's cool hyrulian, no problem)

 

[HyruleanHyroe]

Spoiler: Ack!

Thread bumping syndrome! Where're my meds?!

"Justin Beiber," wailed John Travolta with unbridled lust, "Your groin is youthfully tiny; but I see no enlargements, and that is the reason I am murdering. If you feel frightened, I'll be gentle. Perhaps every George Bush may be emptied of idiocy. Let us then be prepared to soil Trojan's largest amount of dirty contraceptives."