RUN AWAY! How Do You Escape Online Discussions?

[Thunderous Cacophony]

We've all had that moment in an online argument where we realise that there's no point in going on. Maybe the other person is spoiling for a fight, and you really don't want to have one about this issue. Maybe they are laughably misinformed, and blind to the idea that they should look at what you're saying and really think about it. Maybe you just realise that the thread is hitting 300 posts, and you two have been circling the same incompatible viewpoints for 295 posts.

How do you leave? Do you just stop replying, and let the person crow about how they defeated you with their superior logic? Do you say, 'It's not worth my time to argue with you about this?' You can't change the discussion, as you would in regular conversations, but it seems like there is no way to exit with your dignity intact. You either leave the person labouring under false delusions of victory (and take their parting shots to the back, and possibly to the face again if you ever find yourself disagreeing in some other part of the forum), or you come off as a dismissive ass, disregarding any value the other person might bring to the conversation in the future (No matter how politely you dress it, that's the implication when you declare 'This is my last post').

So my question to you, Escapists, is: When you're staring the abyss of internet arguments in the face, how do you get away?

Spoiler

My ulterior motive in this thread is to get a tactic that I can use, as I fear I may have stumbled into an argument on the Escapist with a zealot and I'm not sure how to pull out.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Usually the first quote/ reply that is made against me in a negative way.

I am very wary on the mod warning.

 

[Pseudonym]

How do you leave? Do you just stop replying, and let the person crow about how they defeated you with their superior logic?

If somebody genuinely thinks that the fact that their conversational partner has lost all interest in a discussion is some kind of victory then the conversation was going nowhere to begin with.

You can't change the discussion, as you would in regular conversations, but it seems like there is no way to exit with your dignity intact.

Random people on the internet should not be able to hurt your sense of dignity by declaring themselves the victors in a conversation.

I would recommend walking away silently in most cases. If you respect the person you are arguing with and they have reason to expect you to reply further, you can let them no that you don't believe the conversation is going anywhere and you wish to stop it. If they respond to that by calling you chicken or some nonsense like that, that respect was probably too much and you have all the more reason to walk away.

Not saying I always conform to my own advice here, but that is what I would advise.

 

[RJ 17]

Spoiler

My ulterior motive in this thread is to get a tactic that I can use, as I fear I may have stumbled into an argument on the Escapist with a zealot and I'm not sure how to pull out.

The important thing to remember is that we're all just a bunch of random jackasses braying at one another on the internet. You very likely don't actually know the person you're discussing something with. And while it's very easy to simply take the fully nihilistic stance of "Why should I care at all about what you have to say you random schmuck?" the idea of coming to a forum in the first place is to share and compare ideas and thoughts.

If the conversation is clearly going nowhere, however, I do find that it's best to simply drop it and walk away. It's an offshoot of the age-old policy of "don't feed the trolls." Not saying that every immovable person you get into an argument on the internet with is a troll, but if they're absolutely assured that their position is in the right despite how clearly you've made your case then there really is no point in continuing the conversation. Just don't respond anymore. If they start championing how they've defeated you with their superior logic...who cares? As I said: you don't know the person, so what do you care about what they think about you? Anyone reading the topic should be able to make their own decision based on your posts and the other person's post as to who is in the right and who is in the wrong. Chances are some will agree with you while others with agree with the other.

In the end, though, again: we're nothing but a bunch of random jackasses. So what if one random jackass thinks they've bested you? Just walk away and let them continue to be wrong (per your point of view on the given subject). All responding saying "This will be my last response" in any way will do is prompt them to respond to that response because chances are they don't want you to have the last word on the subject. And I find the majority of times when something like this happens to me the urge to break the "last response" promise is too great to resist.

So yeah, in short: just walk away and stop caring so much about what some random jackass thinks...especially if they're stubbornly wrong in your point of view.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I normally just try to keep things light hearted and jokey since I really want the person I'm talking to know that I'm not getting angry or that I'm being rude.

The very few times where I have to leave a conversation/argument I just tell the person that I don't have time to discuss it anymore and that I have better things to do with my time. I just bow out and let them know I'm not interested in having that discuss anymore, and it has worked in my favor.

I honestly don't have the time with dealing with assholes online, and if I get quoted and if it's an insulting comment then I just ignore and report.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

How do you leave? Do you just stop replying, and let the person crow about how they defeated you with their superior logic? Do you say, 'It's not worth my time to argue with you about this?' You can't change the discussion, as you would in regular conversations, but it seems like there is no way to exit with your dignity intact. You either leave the person labouring under false delusions of victory (and take their parting shots to the back, and possibly to the face again if you ever find yourself disagreeing in some other part of the forum), or you come off as a dismissive ass, disregarding any value the other person might bring to the conversation in the future (No matter how politely you dress it, that's the implication when you declare 'This is my last post').

Well, two things leap to mind when I read this...

1. The purpose of debate is to share and discuss ideas, and examine other points of view. If you enter a discussion with your mind fixed on a single position, you are not seeking a debate, you are seeking an argument. Arguing is a sometimes unavoidable fact of life, as anyone with a SO will occasionally discover, but arguing with randoms on the internet is terribly unproductive use of time. Best case scenario you get a dopamine rush off your righteous indignation. Worst case scenario you spike your blood pressure for the duration and come away even more fixed and dogmatic in your original belief.

2. People getting in the last word is overrated. The ability to literally terrorize someone out of a discussion, either by being relentlessly obtuse, or obnoxious, or unpleasant, is not evidence of a victory. It's evidence that the person in question is abrasive and annoying to talk to. You will "win" a lot of arguments this way, and by "win a lot of arguments" I mean "alienate a lot of people". The inability to sustain genial human communication should not be a badge of honor for anyone.

So my question to you, Escapists, is: When you're staring the abyss of internet arguments in the face, how do you get away?

Usually I come to my senses and just stop responding. Or I start making jokes until the other person gets tired of me/realizes I'm no longer engaging.

Spoiler

My ulterior motive in this thread is to get a tactic that I can use, as I fear I may have stumbled into an argument on the Escapist with a zealot and I'm not sure how to pull out.

Oh please give us a link. I want to see. Let me analyze the debate for you!

 

[sanquin]

I usually just go with "I'm out because of this and this reason." And after that stop caring. If the other party wants to declare themselves the winner after that, I let them. As I have no interest in trying to reason with someone that has the reasoning skills of a 10 year old.

Whether or not you still have your dignity intact afterwards is all up to you yourself. Just as kids are taught about bullies. "Don't let them get to you."

 

[CeeBod]

Obligatory XKCD:

I like to remember that particular comic every time I find myself drawn into a similar scenario - there is no such thing as "winning an argument" online, the trick is to say what you wanted to say, then save yourself from wasting too much of your own precious time, and if you're drawn in to trying to get the last word in, you've already lost on that score. Just walking away is much more dignified than being up half the night posting in a back and forth argument!

 

[sageoftruth]

Basically, I don't get into them. I don't mean to say that I avoid commenting online. Even Youtube is a common commenting ground for me. I just go out of my way to make it absolutely clear that I'm not here to put someone in his place, or to prove him to be wrong. I set him up to be my partner in a search for the truth. I let him know when he has made a good point, I correct his mistakes without trying to make him feel bad for making them, and I invite him to offer his opinions on my points.

As a result of that, most discussions tend to be short and sweet, and when I'm confronted with a troll, he always leaves first, since it's clear that he's not getting me riled up.

 

[01189998819991197253]

I just stop replying, it's not like I owe them anything.

 

[Barbas]

I consider the person, consider their previous conduct if nothing about them comes to mind, then calculate and make my decision.

 

[Thunderous Cacophony]

Oh please give us a link. I want to see. Let me analyze the debate for you!

I'd rather not, for the reason that I think the other guy is very young, full of the vinegar, and the argument touches on religion, which does not get along well with internet debate. Exposing him to psychoanalysis (from a bunch of people I've already biased) seems rude.

 

[happyninja42]

I usually just stop posting, but every so often I will officially say something along the lines of "I've stated my piece, we disagree, I'm officially done discussing this with you." And then stop. Depends on the tone of the discussion. If the other party is being civil about it, I will usually do the latter. If they're being an asshat, the former.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Once that's been settled you can just leave. Some people think that "time" or "getting the last word in" means they've "won", but even those people will know that the original debate will have been more or less settled by that stage, so it's fun to just encourage people like that to make sure their last word is a good one.

Well, it's worth noting that in polarized arguments, both parties felt they "won" before they even started. The argument itself was a formality.

If someone finds themselves persistently 'winning' every argument they ever have, something is up. They're either ridiculously biased towards their own preconceptions, or they're so unpleasant to debate with that people just give up.

 

[omega 616]

I just stop replying.

Thing is, this is still the internet and people can't see your point of view ... like ever! So you get frustrated, shit starts flying 'cos you're both frustrated.

I was having a "discussion" about paranormal activity, ventured my thoughts and feelings but end up having an on going argument about "you need proof before you can say anything!", where as I am all for "lets pose a question and leave it at that". You read my posts and follow it to read his/her posts.

I don't care if I am wrong about needing proof or whatever, I just like my thought and him telling me "but you need proof" isn't going to change my mind as much as me implying "just be open minded" is going to change his mind, so why bother wasting my time repeatedly trying to convince this person to let loose a little when he clearly isn't? So, I just stopped replying AND even if I did convince him, what would I have achieved? Someone I will never meet thinks ever so slightly differently 'cos of me? WHOOPY!

Though in fairness, my view on gun control has moved a degree since I started posting on here ... just goes to show that minds can be changed, even if it is just a lil bit.