Saying the 'L' Word To Your Other Half for the First Time

[soren7550]

As movies, games, books and etc. would leave you to believe, telling someone that you love them for the first time is this huge, big moment in the relationship.

So, a bit back I told my boyfriend that I loved him. Of course I meant it (even if he is a bit doofy sometimes X3), but it wasn't really such a huge thing as the above mentioned would make one believe (no epic billowing of my hair sadly, lol). However though, the boyfriend explained that while he does care fore me deeply, he couldn't really bring himself to say it back.

So Escapists, do you think saying it to your other half is a big deal? Do you even think that the word holds much meaning? What happened when you/your other half said it for the first time? Discuss.

 

[zehydra]

It meant a lot for me, and the relationship picked up fast afterwards.

That was a long time ago though.

 

[lovest harding]

Depends solely on how much the individuals in the relationship care about semantics.
Personally, just saying something like "You look nice today." is as good as saying "I love you." Because in the end, they mean very similar things: I appreciate you and would like to express that I appreciate you by paying you a compliment or saying that I appreciate you directly.

I think saying "I love you." can be something very dramatic and meaningful, but it doesn't have to be. I also don't think it signifies much in a relationship. I think titles are more significant in labeling a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, lover, friend, acquaintance, they all mean more to me in a relationship than saying "I love you.") as they give a very true sense as to how the people in the relationship understand the relationship.
I mean to say, that if someone refers to me as a friend, I know where I stand with them.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Liposuction?

yhea I told one of the girls I was with that one day, and she got mad. god knows why, the cow could stand to lose a few pounds of that fat 110 pound frame she had.

oka, before I get a ton of hate replies, NO, I didnt do that.

OT: Love? I guess. If you have a good connection, they think its big, and so do you, so you know this is serious. other then that, it gets thrown around all the time these days, like hate does. "OH, i have LOVE those shoes," "Oh, dont you just love my cupcakes? the secret ingredient is fluttershy," "I love this game!"

But hte first itme I said, Iw as in fourth grade. She was crying and I hugged her. She asked why I hugged her (it was uncool, and for some reason she thought I cared that I might be a loser [since I already was, but not for dating her]), I siad I love you. She then hugged me backa nd smiled, and I was happy.

... she's been dead for about 5 years now.

 

[Canadish]

I made a note not to say it to quickly, as I really wanted it to mean it when I said it.

Generally I figure that doesn't happen over night (not truly anyway).

Also had to save up the cash for the wind machine, spotlight and dramatic landscape.
Obviously.

 

[HerrBobo]

Yeah, I guess.

I told my g/f that I loved her in my sleep after we had been going out for about 3 weeks. I didn't, at that stage, but it was very funny.

I think I said it first (I mean the real time it was said) and my g/f said that she loved me too, but she was not one of these girls that would tell me every day.

Indeed, she is not. She says it very little, on her own account (she nearly always says it back after I say it) she does show it in an awful lot of ways though.

 

[Mr Thin]

I reckon it's like swearing. If you do it all the time, it loses its effect. Save it for the times it's really appropriate, and it has a much stronger impact.

Of course you don't have to do this, I'm sure plenty of happy relationships involve saying the L word all the time. But that's my two cents.

[small]Oh, and I've never had it said by or said it to a significant other, as I have not had one. Woe is me![/small]

Edit: Whaddya know, I told the advertisement captcha to 'bugger off' and it did.

 

[newfoundsky]

I dunno. First time I said it, I was so nervous I mouthed "Olive Juice" and had her say it back first. Nifty trick. You're welcome.

 

[Ghengis John]

However though, the boyfriend explained that while he does care fore me deeply, he couldn't really bring himself to say it back.

What a heel. But at least he's an honest heel. It's hard to know if you really love somebody though. Like the new york dolls said (somewhere in there.)

 

[Jjtricky]

Lesbian?

...Lesbians?

(Sorry couldn't resist, just watched Scott Pilgrim 12 times in 6 days)

OT: Makes your relationship more serious which carries with it the possibility of scaring the other off. It's less the feeling, and more what it stands for e.g. A leap of faith, a future together etc. so I could see how it could be a big deal

Edit: Seriously?? XD Ninja'd

 

[LoFr3Eq]

....Lesbian?
(No, the other L word.)
...Lesbians?

Damn... Ninjas...

OT: I probably say it a little too freely, but I get so involved and emotional.

Edit:

 

[SirDoom]

When I read the topic title, I thought "lesbian".

I remember the first time I said "So you're a lesbian then?" to my other half. That didn't go very well at all. That, however, is a topic for another time.

In any case, the word love is a strange one indeed. Different for everyone... I have bad experiences with it myself, in pretty much all cases. Unless we're just talking about a friendly "I love you" here. That one works out well most of the time.

Anyway, let's see... The first time I said it while really meaning it to my partner... it was several months into the relationship, at the end of one of the few movie dates we had. She stood there awkwardly with an "Um... oh crap, how do I respond?" look on her face, then hugged me as she always did at the end of the night. I went in for a kiss, she let our lips barely touch for a tenth of a second before pulling away and retreating back into her house with a quick "good night".

From there on (Well, starting a week or two later) she would reply with "I love you too =)" if I said it(I only said it at special times though, mind you), but just not that first time. Never showed it though.

 

[airrazor7]

Yeah, I once said I was in lesbians too, and it didn't have the big impact I was looking for either...

Oh, I'm sorry, the other "L" word

On Topic: The word itself shouldn't be as big of a deal as the actions behind it. There are too many people saying love nowadays while not meaning it or understanding what they are implying with that word. Your boyfriend has earned my respect for being honest about not saying it instead of leading you along with a lie. Give him time to sort out his feelings and maybe respond in kind when he is ready; it'll be worth it to the both of you.

When I and my lover said it to each other, it was an act of confirmation. The evidence of our love for each other was there in the daily actions we portrayed to each other. Saying that we loved each other also signified that we were both in agreement that it was time to take our relationship past simple "play-dating" (as I refer to it) or simply dating for fun and to the next step or phase of our relationship.

EDIT: Frakking Lesbian Ninjas! aaarrgh! (in response to the previous posters)

 

[Phlakes]

That's a funny thing, I still haven't said that to anyone yet. With my most serious girlfriend I never really got around to it, and after we broke up and she moved I had some time to study the situation objectively, and I realized that she wasn't a very good person. So it's kind of a good thing.

 

[Treblaine]

oh THAT L-word. I thought you meant... never mind.

OT: Just be as open as you can without causing offence, no good comes you being on different pages.

 

[Shakomaru]

I thought SP when I saw this like everyone else. I haven't told anyone I love them yet, because there isn't really anyone I really love sooo... yeah.. I almost did, but I wasn't sure of it so it was a good thing I didn't.

 

[ezeroast]

It didnt realy mean much for me but i knew my girlfriend of 2 years needed to hear it. And i'll tell you it all went well for me. When we both had a week off work i took her to the coast for a camping trip. We went out to dinner, came back to out tent, talk, sex and I dropped the L bomb. Much more sex.
The whole trip wasnt based around me saying it, that wasnt my plan but it just seemed like a good time.

 

[laserwulf]

In my relationships, I've held off until it feels like the most natural thing in the world to say, and by that point either her or I just let it slip out. Once you get to that point, it's expressing something that both of you already know to be true. It's not dramatic and it takes patience, but it's not awkward either.