Self Improvement

[Esotera]

To counteract the recent threads about sexism, gun control, and the impending start of the console wars, I thought I'd make a thread about self-improvement. Everyone has something they want to change about themselves or their current situation that they want to change (if not, please share your secrets), and it can be very hard to do that without some fresh perspective or perhaps just a bit of support.

The format is a bit different to normal threads - describe what you'd like to change in your life, but also pick at least one other person's comment and try and suggest something constructive that might help them achieve their goal. If your comment hasn't received a response from someone within a couple of days then I'll try to reply myself. I'm also planning to create a follow-up thread about a weeak after this one dies, and possibly a user group if there's enough interest on doing something like this on a more permanent basis.

As always please keep the discussion civil - as this thread covers personal issues anyone who ridicules others can count on at least one report from me heading their way. Without further ado, what I'd like to change in my life (spoilered as I wrote this on a train and it rambles a lot):

Spoiler

A bit of background:

I am a biochemistry undergraduate in the UK currently on placement at a software company as part of my course. Next year is my final year, and after finishing uni I should be stuck with a large but manageable amount of debt (20K loans but that is offset by savings).

However, I can't really handle all the stress that comes with university and the automatic assumption of a white-collar job afterwards, partly because my heart just isn't in it, and partly because I've had issues with mental illness in the past & a high-pressure environment is likely to trigger a relapse. It's not that I'm not good at what I do, I just don't seem to enjoy it at all. All I really want in life is a bit of land which I can live on in an area that isn't super built-up, financial security, to be geographically close to family, and internet access. The rest can be sacrificed to achieve this.

As most UK jobs for IT are in London, that sort of leaves me in a dilemma between money & happiness. I'm quite close to pulling an Alexander Supertramp and just living on a caravan on the Isle Of Wight doing odd jobs based on things I enjoy (PC repair/gardening), but would quite like some outside perspective on things. Basically I'm not happy with the way my life is heading and want to change direction, but am not entirely sure how far to go. Anyway, here are my goals in a bullet pointed list:

- Own somewhere I can live in a non-built-up area legally (doesn't necessarily need to be a house)
- Have enough money to live on (at the minute I only need 10k a year to live on, half of which goes on rent. I'm fairly sure I could reduce this amount if it was required).
- Find a job I enjoy doing or that I can bear enough to do for a couple of decades.
- Become a more active member of the escapist community (so that new users are building statues of my avatar for hundreds of years to come). From now on I will try and remember to reply when I'm quoted, and I've also added my Steam profile today.

I appreciate there's probably no silver bullet for this but I could really use an outside perspective or just to know that someone else feels the same way.

Remember to give constructive feedback to someone else as well as posting your own points!

Link to group [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/Escapist-Self-Improvement-Initiative]

 

[Nickolai77]

I can certainly relate to the OP, i'm studying for a degree in management but i often question wherever i should have pursued a teaching qualification after i graduated or even tried making a career in writing.

This links to my fundamental personality flaw: Indecisiveness. It's reflected through the fact that i couldn't really decide what i wanted to do when i finished my undergraduate studies and in the smaller things in life like deciding what to do for a day. (Although, i've made progress in appearing more decisive when i'm around other people). Indecisiveness also impacts on my personal interests like creative writing. It takes me literally months of musing before i am happy enough with a story concept to start writing it- and of course most of those stories are never finished because my doubts overcome my confidence in the story.

So yeah, identifying a personal problem is the first step, the next is acting upon it, and that's the harder part.

 

[Spoonius]

I'm too tired right now to be any help at all, but I just want to commend the idea behind this thread.

 

[aba1]

Well I am doing fairly well I have graduated from Foundation in Art and Design I am graduating Multimedia Design in a month and depending on how things go I might go back for another 2 years to pick up my fine arts. I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for 7 years. My home life is good. I teach Judo for fun and have been doing Judo since I was 7. I have my own website http://www.aba1design.com and am going to start doing freelance over the summer. I have won a few awards for my work and am working on getting even more involved in the arts community. I am working on a indie game called Blacken the Sun which I am going to be putting out a demo and trailer out this summer. I already have a website and various other social media pages http://www.blackenthesun.com.


That isn't to say I don't have things to work on I mean I am in a constant race with myself to become better than I already am. I find myself constantly getting annoyed at myself for not being a better animator/designer/artist etc. It isn't uncommon for me to find myself getting frustrated at myself for not being better.

 

[The Funslinger]

Well, I'll soon hopefully be taking a gap year to write a novel.

I'd love nothing more for it to get published.

 

[Albino Boo]

I'm not going to belittle the impact of mental illness, a friend of mind at university had a psychotic episode and he took a bread knife to wrists and we had sit on his chest to stop him throwing himself out of an 13th floor window. Its a difficult judgment to make because an episode can be devastating. However I am going to make a the following point. The state has paid for your education from 5 to 18, paid the majority of your university cost, guarantees free at the point use medical care and gives you money to live on if you have no other source. You are one of the lucky people in this world, there literally billions of people who will never have those things. All those things cost money and all of us have an obligation to contribute if we can. Think of all the people doing all the crap jobs. How many people enjoy being a dustman or cleaning the sewers? Society wouldn't function without people doing the boring and unpleasant jobs. Now the guy that picks up your rubbish has paid taxes that has paid your life to date. Its not just about you and your happiness, we are all under obligation to try to pay our own way.

 

[gritch]

I am a biochemistry undergraduate in the UK currently on placement at a software company as part of my course. Next year is my final year, and after finishing uni I should be stuck with a large but manageable amount of debt (20K loans but that is offset by savings).

However, I can't really handle all the stress that comes with university and the automatic assumption of a white-collar job afterwards, partly because my heart just isn't in it, and partly because I've had issues with mental illness in the past & a high-pressure environment is likely to trigger a relapse. It's not that I'm not good at what I do, I just don't seem to enjoy it at all. All I really want in life is a bit of land which I can live on in an area that isn't super built-up, financial security, to be geographically close to family, and internet access. The rest can be sacrificed to achieve this.

I appreciate there's probably no silver bullet for this but I could really use an outside perspective or just to know that someone else feels the same way.

I feel like I can relate to this. I'm also a Chemistry undergraduate in the US and next year will be my last as well. I find the stress of going out into "industry" a bit unsettling. I'd just suggest you remember that you still have options. Just because you've got a particular degree doesn't mean you have a fit job for you. The field of biochemistry is diverse and I'm sure you can find a a niche that appeals to you.

Of course you could always think of going more into academia rather than industry. I plan to continue on after my undergraduate degree and get a doctorate then maybe teach as a professor somewhere. It seems a lot less stressful than a "white collar" job to me and more interesting besides. Granted such a job probably isn't for everyone but it's important to remember there are still plenty of options for you after you get your degree.

OT: I've never been really great at maintaining friends myself. In elementary and middle school I moved between school districts too often to form and really close friends and even in high school I found that I kept my distance between others. I graduated high school with only a slim few friends that I haven't really talked to since leaving.

As my undergraduate career is wrapping up I'm getting a sensation that I'm growing further away from more of my friends. We don't hang out as much and when we do it just feels... hollow at times. Some I considered fairly close I haven't talked to in about a year. I know times and people change but I'd really like to have at least one friendship that doesn't feel a product of convenience only.

I suppose it's sort of my own fault. I don't often initiate conversation I'm more of a reactive sort of person (and the few times I've tried to initiate haven't ended terribly well). The concept to proactively texting or calling someone "just because" just baffles me. Add to that my aversion towards any sort of social media and I tend to be pretty anti-social and I'd really like to change that.

captcha: friend zone... STOP MOCKING ME!

 

[thesilentman]

A lot for me. I'll just bullet it down and see what I could need help in.

- Relearn my violin and piano. This is the first year of my high school that I haven't taken a music program. I hate myself for it.
- Like Binnsyboy, write a novel. Several, and I'm not planning to stop after gaining a lot of money.
- Learn some hard core programming over the summer to make a video game.
- Get better at my drawing skills. I draw like I have all thumbs.
- Become a Linux (because I can) and computing expert. Something that's a hobby of mine, learning about computers and Linux. ;-)
- Go to other countries; Japan and Germany specifically, since I've heard they're both awesome places.

And more that aren't coming to my mind at the moment. I guess I need to force myself away from the Escapist in order for this to truly happen. Don't worry, I'll still partake in discussion, but I need to stop lurking in the site until I have a headache about it. >.>

snip

For bodybuilding, I guess your best way to improve on that is to go outside and just play some intensive sports for a lot. Basketball, football (worldwide football, not the American football) and other field sports in particular help a bunch every day. Keep pushing yourself safely, and I see no problem in this. Just watch what you eat as well, which I don't think should be a problem.

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

This thread has my full and complete support. My life isn't exactly "together" so I'm probably not the best advice source (though I was in high school). Anyway:

I'd really like to go to Japan. I had an opportunity to teach English there, but I was getting married and I needed to create and settle in my life here. Not to mention my wife was terrified at the idea of going, and didn't want to learn the language. I imagine that this is as simple as quitting smoking and buying less games, and pooling up that money.

I need to create music again. It's always felt like a need my whole life, and makes other aspects of my life better. I'm never satisfied with it whenever I start recently. I don't have an inferiority complex or anything, but if I did have one then it would suck : ) I need to find out how to just do it without worrying about it, but as many know the artist can most often be his worst critic.

There's other stuff like being in shape (which includes the quitting smoking), but that's just a matter of wanting it bad enough, something that doesn't work for much else. Once I need to feel that way, I won't have any excuses or fall-backs.

Let's see, here...

OT: I've never been really great at maintaining friends myself. In elementary and middle school I moved between school districts too often to form and really close friends and even in high school I found that I kept my distance between others. I graduated high school with only a slim few friends that I haven't really talked to since leaving.

As my undergraduate career is wrapping up I'm getting a sensation that I'm growing further away from more of my friends. We don't hang out as much and when we do it just feels... hollow at times. Some I considered fairly close I haven't talked to in about a year. I know times and people change but I'd really like to have at least one friendship that doesn't feel a product of convenience only.

I suppose it's sort of my own fault. I don't often initiate conversation I'm more of a reactive sort of person (and the few times I've tried to initiate haven't ended terribly well). The concept to proactively texting or calling someone "just because" just baffles me. Add to that my aversion towards any sort of social media and I tend to be pretty anti-social and I'd really like to change that.

captcha: friend zone... STOP MOCKING ME!

I highly recommend just making a "just because" attempt at contact. It's almost impossible to end up in a worse situation with it than you are now. And it's really "just because" you'd like them back in your life again, which is a very valid reason. It's highly possible that the other party is in the same situation as you, wanting to be in touch with you again and afraid of how much time has passed or what you'd feel about it. It would be a shame if both of you were waiting for the other to make the move, only to permanently lose each other. There's a couple of people that weave in and out of my life, but whenever I miss them I just go for it with the number I know or their Facebook or whatever. Best case scenario is that they missed me too, which is awesome, and worst isn't any less than wondering about them and having no contact at all.

A lot for me. I'll just bullet it down and see what I could need help in.

- Become a Linux (because I can) and computing expert. Something that's a hobby of mine, learning about computers and Linux. ;-)

That's what I do for a living, so if you decide to join the order of the penguin I'll be glad to help with any snags you run into or questions you might have. Feel free to PM me about it (or anything else for that matter), I'll see what I can do to make it seem less intimidating. I promise I won't be all pedantic and obtuse with the advice, I know a lot of people tend to do that : )

 

[DeadlyYellow]

Being a biochemistry undergraduate sounds pretty swell. Not to sound like a jerk, but some folks can't afford university even with loans.

Yeah, unless you go to a state-funded school in your residential state you kinda get fucked in the money department. There's something I find wrong about the For-Profit education system.

I need to get back into my core hobbies instead of spending all my time playing games. Also going to the gym on a more consistent basis. And stop eating all this junk food.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I can certainly relate to the OP, i'm studying for a degree in management but i often question wherever i should have pursued a teaching qualification after i graduated or even tried making a career in writing.

This links to my fundamental personality flaw: Indecisiveness. It's reflected through the fact that i couldn't really decide what i wanted to do when i finished my undergraduate studies and in the smaller things in life like deciding what to do for a day. (Although, i've made progress in appearing more decisive when i'm around other people). Indecisiveness also impacts on my personal interests like creative writing. It takes me literally months of musing before i am happy enough with a story concept to start writing it- and of course most of those stories are never finished because my doubts overcome my confidence in the story.

So yeah, identifying a personal problem is the first step, the next is acting upon it, and that's the harder part.

Remember, just because you got a degree in a certain field doesn't necessarily mean you have to work in that field later on. As most white collar professions go, most employers just want you to have a degree, and they don't really care which one it is. So it's ok to be indecisive about what you want to do in your life, just because you have a degree in management doesn't mean that you're completely set on what you're going to do with the next 50 years of your life, you can always change your career path if you really want to.

 

[Exius Xavarus]

I'm an awful source of advice. I'd rather give no advice at all, than give bad advice. Honestly, I've next to no interest in other peoples' lives.

As for me, I'd just like to find a decent job and live my life. I'm not at all a social person. I don't particularly enjoy going out to parties or to the bar or a club or any of that jazz. Nor am I interested in going out and finding my 'significant other.'

Just giving me a steady income and a decent place to live(preferably someplace small) would set me up real nice-like.

 

[thesilentman]

A lot for me. I'll just bullet it down and see what I could need help in.

- Become a Linux (because I can) and computing expert. Something that's a hobby of mine, learning about computers and Linux. ;-)

That's what I do for a living, so if you decide to join the order of the penguin I'll be glad to help with any snags you run into or questions you might have. Feel free to PM me about it (or anything else for that matter), I'll see what I can do to make it seem less intimidating. I promise I won't be all pedantic and obtuse with the advice, I know a lot of people tend to do that : )

I'm finding Linux to be really interesting and such at this point even though the most advanced thing I can do through the terminal is manage packages, browse the file system identifying files, and monitor my system through top and ps. That's all really simple compared to some of the tasks that are done on Linux, including cron jobs and such. That's not even considering networking, which is another beast entirely.

I haven't dealt with any obnoxious people yet, but that's maybe because I bring my questions to the Linux User Group we have here. I've also never met anyone with the obtuse advice so far, but that's probably the nature that Linux is starting to push: an open, friendly desktop that's simple to use. Probably the hardest thing I had to do Linux related was install Arch (in a VM, I wasn't taking any chances), but I know that's just the tip of the iceberg with what I could do using Linux. I'd like to get my OS up and running the way I'd prefer, even if it means doing some digging through Google and the man pages.

Wish I could do this with Windows. PowerShell is really unfriendly by itself to beginners. :-/

 

[Nouw]

I am pretty much always trying to improve myself not only physically by doing exercise but mentally as well. I'm trying to become more extroverted and stop dwelling in sadness so often. I'n also trying to become less lazy. Some of my friends say I need to just relax and accept some parts of who I am but I still have a burning desire to become the best me I can be. It often makes me down when I don't complete the steps to making these improvements and that's where most of my despair comes from, I think.

Well, I'll soon hopefully be taking a gap year to write a novel.

I'd love nothing more for it to get published.

Getting into a regular habit of writing is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself when starting up. At least, that's what other writers tell me .

 

[username sucks]

Well, my goal is to find a job where I can do a minimal amount of work with just enough pay to live, and get new games every once in a while. I'm also planning on a chemistry degree, simply because I find chemistry easy.

What do I want to improve? Well I'm lazy, but I don't want to improve that. Being in the IB program, I have mastered the art of BS, but I find that allows me to be lazier, so it can stay. Oh, I know!

The main improvement I need to make I guess would be my procrastination. I have a 4500 word paper due Tuesday, but still haven't started on this. When I think about it I realize that I would do the same amount of work if I did it earlier, but instead I always wait for the day before to do stuff. Not that I get stressed about it, I know I can do it, even if I need to pull an all-nighter. Just can't seem to do it early, no matter how much the sensible voice in my head yells at me about it.

Now to give advice to someone else. Well, it looks like nobody else wants advice on avoiding work or being lazy, so I guess thats all.

EDIT: I actually do have something for those of you who have too much stress. It may seem funny, but there is much wisdom in this picture.

 

[Angie7F]

I just think positively all the time.
I dont really care much for life in general and dont care when it ends. However it seems more fun to just do something and kill time than to not do anything.
So in general I try to come up with interesting business ideas and get to knwo interesting people.