I've been meaning to post a thread like this for literally over two years now, but didn't have anything to make it worth writing until today.
Two days ago Mark Sorrell wrote a biting, and incredible blog post stabbing internet sexism right in it's own logic, and you should read it right now, first, here:
http://www.bewareofthesorrell.com/2011/12/dear-men-please-listen-love-man.html
Okay, now this was so good that his friend, Margaret Robinson, posted her own blog entry, realizing simultaneously that she had both supported sexist approaches and been a victim herself as well the entire time! (here: http://lookspring.co.uk/in-which-i-dont-try-to-write-like-a-man)
Now, a long time ago, when I hadn't been here very long, I commented in a thread entitled "Guys suck at talking to girls" that basically was going on about guys not knowing what to say and such. It got a bit sexist and one-sided, and I stepped in (half asleep) to try to point out that it was ignoring that girls don't just want a slough of guys who see she's a gamer and skip friendship straight into trying to get with her or insulting her and assuming she plays Farmville and other "non-hardcore" games.
I don't remember clearly because it's been washed away, but it was so good I received this message:
Re: "Guys suck at talking to girls" thread
From:
llllamllll
Sent:
9 Dec 2009 12:51 pm
Hi, I was reading through that thread and came upon your entry.
/*
I think you're trying to tackle too many things at once. I mean, there are multiple stages, and people have different problems with each one.
*/
I thought what you wrote was really beautiful, so much so that I registered an account to send you a message. As a girl-thingy, to read a male gamer advise another to respect and care about the person and the friendship first before jerking someone around lets me know there are good people out there. Your words makes the terrain feel safer, as if I could enter that room and interact with the guys about games without encountering resentment, hook-up strategies or hostility. Again, what you wrote was really beautiful. Ok, that's about it.
best,
Lydia
--------
I don't know if anyone just went "That's me!" but that message has stuck with me this entire time. It's both humbling and uplifting for me to hear "I thought what you wrote was really beautiful" and to hear that I changed someone's perspective so drastically, that they wanted to just come in and talk about games without fear, is amazing. And I don't know if there are women who feel this way, that they can't comment without encountering resentment, hook-up strategies or hostility, but I hope you now know that it is possible. Or maybe you already know, in which case, tell your friends!
Like I said, I've been waiting over two years, but those blogs say now what I wanted to say back then in ways I can't even say now.
Two days ago Mark Sorrell wrote a biting, and incredible blog post stabbing internet sexism right in it's own logic, and you should read it right now, first, here:
http://www.bewareofthesorrell.com/2011/12/dear-men-please-listen-love-man.html
Okay, now this was so good that his friend, Margaret Robinson, posted her own blog entry, realizing simultaneously that she had both supported sexist approaches and been a victim herself as well the entire time! (here: http://lookspring.co.uk/in-which-i-dont-try-to-write-like-a-man)
Now, a long time ago, when I hadn't been here very long, I commented in a thread entitled "Guys suck at talking to girls" that basically was going on about guys not knowing what to say and such. It got a bit sexist and one-sided, and I stepped in (half asleep) to try to point out that it was ignoring that girls don't just want a slough of guys who see she's a gamer and skip friendship straight into trying to get with her or insulting her and assuming she plays Farmville and other "non-hardcore" games.
I don't remember clearly because it's been washed away, but it was so good I received this message:
Re: "Guys suck at talking to girls" thread
From:
llllamllll
Sent:
9 Dec 2009 12:51 pm
Hi, I was reading through that thread and came upon your entry.
/*
I think you're trying to tackle too many things at once. I mean, there are multiple stages, and people have different problems with each one.
*/
I thought what you wrote was really beautiful, so much so that I registered an account to send you a message. As a girl-thingy, to read a male gamer advise another to respect and care about the person and the friendship first before jerking someone around lets me know there are good people out there. Your words makes the terrain feel safer, as if I could enter that room and interact with the guys about games without encountering resentment, hook-up strategies or hostility. Again, what you wrote was really beautiful. Ok, that's about it.
best,
Lydia
--------
I don't know if anyone just went "That's me!" but that message has stuck with me this entire time. It's both humbling and uplifting for me to hear "I thought what you wrote was really beautiful" and to hear that I changed someone's perspective so drastically, that they wanted to just come in and talk about games without fear, is amazing. And I don't know if there are women who feel this way, that they can't comment without encountering resentment, hook-up strategies or hostility, but I hope you now know that it is possible. Or maybe you already know, in which case, tell your friends!
Like I said, I've been waiting over two years, but those blogs say now what I wanted to say back then in ways I can't even say now.