Smacking Children - As a Parents of Course
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Ditto, my parents smacked me a lot when I was younger. It certainly worked, but it did backfire in one particular instance. I can't stand the word 'homework'. I even feel something when typing it. Ugh. This was because one particular homework was an essay, I was dyslexic so the spelling was appalling, so mum rolled it up and hit me with it. Then she tore it up in front of me. Now I don't do homework.internutt post=18.70793.702899 said:
That isn't discipline, that's just cruel.
Same here (might very well be the same country, I didn't check)smallharmlesskitten post=18.70793.703090 said:
The weird thing was that most of the complaints seemed to be coming from a religious standpoint (God has given us the right to hit our kids or some shit), people are still complaining about it. Of course I doubt laws will stop anyone, I knew tonnes of underage drinkers (when they were underage) and they didn't give a shit about the law then either.
That said I think there has to be a better way to teach children lessons than hitting them.
But who defines mark? Are we talking a red spot? Pretty much any forceful impact, a mild slap, leaves a slight mark. I scratched an itch, my nails were fairly sharp. It left the skin with a mark. If a 'mark' is like a bruise, then I agree. A clip round the head, even if it leaves a red mark, should not be punished.
I did something wrong, my dad hit me round the head with the palm of his hand. I turned out okay.
Tell me you don't love it.EmperorDude post=18.70793.703198 said:
*cough*
Er..anyway..Yeah, Amnestic, a mark is defined as a bruise. If it was just a red mark then sitting down in an awkward position would get the chair sent to jail.
I think that hitting should be kept as an option, but a slim option to use when nothing else will fit. My troubles with punishment usually aren't the methods, but the ways in which they're doled out. All too often, parents punish without making it clear what they're punishing or why - the sentence never fits the crime, and often the same punishment is used in all cases. Growing up, my household was a non-violent one, and the reason that discipline didn't work was that I was never told WHY I was being disciplined. Sure, I knew the direct reason, but I very rarely knew why it was wrong or what the consequences of my actions were. I was locked in the basement, left to think about what I had done, but I really didn't know what they wanted me to think about or why I was even there. All I knew was that if I wanted to avoid punishment, I had to not get caught. Needless to say, my morality came in late.
One week, though, I was staying at my grandfather's house while my parents went on vacation, and my brother and myself broke our bed by playing WWF on it. Naturally, we scattered, coming back a half-day later when we figured the anger had blown over. Coming into the house, though, we found Papa waiting there with a pile of scrap wood and three hammers. Instead of punishing us like our parents did, he explained that if we wanted to sleep in a bed that night, we would have to fix what we had done. We were gobsmacked; we had never had to take actual responsibility for our actions before. That was a theme that entire week, and taught me more about child-rearing than my parents did. If I ate up all the candy the first night I was there, I had none for the rest of the week. If I stayed out too late for dinner, I found none waiting for me when I got home. If unrolling two rolls of toilet paper into the toilet clogged it, we would have no bathroom until we plunged it. Papa was always there to help teach us how to repair our own damage, but we were always expected to do the work, and he was always there for us to ask questions of.
That, more than anything, is how I think punishment should happen. It's true that in the heat of anger it's difficult to think rationally, but THAT'S where time-out comes in, allowing you some room to think and calm down. All children want to be treated like adults; that's why they get into your good scotch and paint hideous Joker faces on their heads with your expensive Mac lipstick. Adults have all the power. We can do what we want, buy what we want, go where we want and make other little people to be their friends. I've found that not only will a child take better to punishment if you treat them as you would another adult, but they respect you more for the consideration.
This is, of course, assuming you want the result of punishment to be leaning and progressive modification of behavior, rather than just 'shutting them up'.
One week, though, I was staying at my grandfather's house while my parents went on vacation, and my brother and myself broke our bed by playing WWF on it. Naturally, we scattered, coming back a half-day later when we figured the anger had blown over. Coming into the house, though, we found Papa waiting there with a pile of scrap wood and three hammers. Instead of punishing us like our parents did, he explained that if we wanted to sleep in a bed that night, we would have to fix what we had done. We were gobsmacked; we had never had to take actual responsibility for our actions before. That was a theme that entire week, and taught me more about child-rearing than my parents did. If I ate up all the candy the first night I was there, I had none for the rest of the week. If I stayed out too late for dinner, I found none waiting for me when I got home. If unrolling two rolls of toilet paper into the toilet clogged it, we would have no bathroom until we plunged it. Papa was always there to help teach us how to repair our own damage, but we were always expected to do the work, and he was always there for us to ask questions of.
That, more than anything, is how I think punishment should happen. It's true that in the heat of anger it's difficult to think rationally, but THAT'S where time-out comes in, allowing you some room to think and calm down. All children want to be treated like adults; that's why they get into your good scotch and paint hideous Joker faces on their heads with your expensive Mac lipstick. Adults have all the power. We can do what we want, buy what we want, go where we want and make other little people to be their friends. I've found that not only will a child take better to punishment if you treat them as you would another adult, but they respect you more for the consideration.
This is, of course, assuming you want the result of punishment to be leaning and progressive modification of behavior, rather than just 'shutting them up'.
Touche. Although I don't think a lot of the prisoners would have much use for the chairs after shower time...meatloaf231 post=18.70793.703269 said:
I do feel that smacking a child can be beneficial, but I'm only speaking from personal experience, seeing as I was from the generation right before parents hitting their kids became taboo.
I'm sure there are those of you who were disciplined that have some "belt-whipping" stories. I have one really memorable one that got my dad so riled up, he almost gave himself a heart attack. That, for the most part, was an extreme case and my parents usually settled for spankings and ear pulls. That was only if I did bad things, though. They would never beat me for not doing my homework and I never got bad grades (except once in second grade when the teacher decided I was so good at reading and math that he started giving me third grade level work which made my grades go down). This day and age, just telling kids to behave doesn't do much, especially with so many external influences. Sometimes, you need to associate getting in trouble with pain to get the message across.
And before people start giving me weird looks and thinking my parents where uneducated barbarians, cultural differences and the way people are brought up have a profound effect on how they treat their kids. My parents got the shit kicked of them when they were growing up. And considering some of the stories they've told me, I had it a lot easier then they did when it came to discipline.
I'm sure there are those of you who were disciplined that have some "belt-whipping" stories. I have one really memorable one that got my dad so riled up, he almost gave himself a heart attack. That, for the most part, was an extreme case and my parents usually settled for spankings and ear pulls. That was only if I did bad things, though. They would never beat me for not doing my homework and I never got bad grades (except once in second grade when the teacher decided I was so good at reading and math that he started giving me third grade level work which made my grades go down). This day and age, just telling kids to behave doesn't do much, especially with so many external influences. Sometimes, you need to associate getting in trouble with pain to get the message across.
And before people start giving me weird looks and thinking my parents where uneducated barbarians, cultural differences and the way people are brought up have a profound effect on how they treat their kids. My parents got the shit kicked of them when they were growing up. And considering some of the stories they've told me, I had it a lot easier then they did when it came to discipline.
There's a big difference in smacking your kid because he did wrong and smacking your kid because you're angry.
First is needed to stop him hurting himself worse on certain things (like pulling a pan of boiling water over himself)
Latter means you're a bully and you deserve to be charged.
Which child has EVER stopped crying because you've hit them? But if they're being a little bastard just for attention, then they know the risks.
I've never had children, but even I can tell the difference between "I'm in pain", "I'm scared" and "I'm a calculating little bastard."
First is needed to stop him hurting himself worse on certain things (like pulling a pan of boiling water over himself)
Latter means you're a bully and you deserve to be charged.
Which child has EVER stopped crying because you've hit them? But if they're being a little bastard just for attention, then they know the risks.
I've never had children, but even I can tell the difference between "I'm in pain", "I'm scared" and "I'm a calculating little bastard."
That. That's what did it. I remember now.The_root_of_all_evil post=18.70793.703449 said:
If you smack your kid out of anger or frustration then nothing good becomes of it. They may stop crying for the rest of the time they're with you. They'll probably go and cry into a pillow as far away from you as they can be, they may well become scared of you, and they won't want to express emotion around you after.
As long as it's the last resort I'm fine with it. If you have the kind of kid that will hold their breath until they get what they want, even if it literaly causes brain damage, or the kind that outright refuses to do anything you tell them because of some authority issue, spank 'em.