I'll begin with a little backstory. I recently turned 20. Also recently, it seems the government was looking over Social Security and decided that they under-calculated the amount my parents were supposed to receive until I was 18 and sent me a check for the difference:
$1,620 (thanks Obama!)
Now, I like to think my parents raised me decently and because of that I'm not a (total) idiot and did the responsible thing: put 1,500 in the bank and kept 120 to spend at my leisure. But, like anyone who's suddenly come across money, the question came to mind:
What if I wasn't a responsible individual?
So in my free time I've been thinking of the most hilarious, convoluted way to spend $1,620 and still get some benefit from doing so. At present, this is my (self-proclaimed) genius plan:
NO WAY THIS CAN FAIL.
For the discussion value: what is the most hilarious, convoluted way you can think of to spend $1,620? Whoever comes up with the best way wins 1 internet and a cookie.
$1,620 (thanks Obama!)
Now, I like to think my parents raised me decently and because of that I'm not a (total) idiot and did the responsible thing: put 1,500 in the bank and kept 120 to spend at my leisure. But, like anyone who's suddenly come across money, the question came to mind:
What if I wasn't a responsible individual?
So in my free time I've been thinking of the most hilarious, convoluted way to spend $1,620 and still get some benefit from doing so. At present, this is my (self-proclaimed) genius plan:
STEP 1: Withdraw all $1,620 (for added hilarity, get as many 1s as possible.)
STEP 2: Go to Hastings while one of the cute girls is working there, making sure the bulge in my pocket (rolls of money and otherwise) is noticeable.
STEP 3: Grab $1,620 worth of porn.
STEP 4: As the cashier girl is ringing it up, explain to her that I am a philanthropist who is hosting a film festival out of my home next week, the goal of which is to discuss the artistic credibility of pornography in the film medium.
STEP 5: Invite her to come and see it.
If she says no, cancel the purchase and just walk out the door. END RESULT: $1,620 in pocket.
If she says yes, and is clearly interested in it, put on a "party" the following week (invite no one, claim that no one read the non-existent fliers) and watch porn alone with the Hastings girl, putting on the moves. END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn and potential sex partner.
If she ways yes, but seems reluctant or skeptical, move to STEP 6.
STEP 6: Invite friends (and possibly strangers) to the party the following week.
If she seems uncomfortable while watching the first film, spend the rest of the night discussing the misogynistic nature of the porn industry as a whole. END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn, and give my friends the impression that I'm rich (I'd say give them the impression I'm perverted as well, but they already knew that.)
If she seems comfortable after watching the first film, make up bullshit about the artistic value of the film and porn in general (and my college years have made a premier bullshiter.) END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn and potential sex partner.
STEP 2: Go to Hastings while one of the cute girls is working there, making sure the bulge in my pocket (rolls of money and otherwise) is noticeable.
STEP 3: Grab $1,620 worth of porn.
STEP 4: As the cashier girl is ringing it up, explain to her that I am a philanthropist who is hosting a film festival out of my home next week, the goal of which is to discuss the artistic credibility of pornography in the film medium.
STEP 5: Invite her to come and see it.
If she says no, cancel the purchase and just walk out the door. END RESULT: $1,620 in pocket.
If she says yes, and is clearly interested in it, put on a "party" the following week (invite no one, claim that no one read the non-existent fliers) and watch porn alone with the Hastings girl, putting on the moves. END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn and potential sex partner.
If she ways yes, but seems reluctant or skeptical, move to STEP 6.
STEP 6: Invite friends (and possibly strangers) to the party the following week.
If she seems uncomfortable while watching the first film, spend the rest of the night discussing the misogynistic nature of the porn industry as a whole. END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn, and give my friends the impression that I'm rich (I'd say give them the impression I'm perverted as well, but they already knew that.)
If she seems comfortable after watching the first film, make up bullshit about the artistic value of the film and porn in general (and my college years have made a premier bullshiter.) END RESULT: $1,620 worth of porn and potential sex partner.
NO WAY THIS CAN FAIL.
For the discussion value: what is the most hilarious, convoluted way you can think of to spend $1,620? Whoever comes up with the best way wins 1 internet and a cookie.
