Stupid question on an eighth-grade reading exam

[Zack1501]

http://gawker.com/5903707/can-you-answer-this-question-from-an-eighth+grade-reading-exam
In a New York standardized English test the had this question:

... The Pineapple and the Hare ...

In the olden times, animals could speak English, just like you and me. There was a lovely enchanted forest that flourished with a bunch of these magical animals. One day, a hare was relaxing by a tree. All of a sudden, he noticed a pineapple sitting near him.

The hare, being magical and all, told the pineapple, "Um, hi." The pineapple could speak English too.

"I challenge you to a race! Whoever makes it across the forest and back first wins a ninja! And a lifetime's supply of toothpaste!" The hare looked at the pineapple strangely, but agreed to the race.

The next day, the competition was coming into play. All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees. The coyote placed the pineapple in front of the starting line, and the hare was on his way.

Everyone on the sidelines was bustling about and chatting about the obvious prediction that the hare was going to claim the victory (and the ninja and the toothpaste). Suddenly, the crow had a revolutionary realization.

"AAAAIEEH! Friends! I have an idea to share! The pineapple has not challenged our good companion, the hare, to just a simple race! Surely the pineapple must know that he CANNOT MOVE! He obviously has a trick up his sleeve!" exclaimed the crow.

The moose spoke up.

"Pineapples don't have sleeves."

"You fool! You know what I mean! I think that the pineapple knows we're cheering for the hare, so he is planning to pull a trick on us, so we look foolish when he wins! Let's sink the pineapple's intentions, and let's cheer for the stupid fruit!" the crow passionately proclaimed. The other animals cheered, and started chanting, "FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN!"

A few minutes later, the hare arrived. He got into place next to the pineapple, who sat there contently. The monkey blew the tree-bark whistle, and the race began! The hare took off, sprinting through the forest, and the pineapple ...
It sat there.

The animals glanced at each other blankly, and then started to realize how dumb they were. The pineapple did not have a trick up its sleeve. It wanted an honest race - but it knew it couldn't walk (let alone run)!

About a few hours later, the hare came into sight again. It flew right across the finish line, still as fast as it was when it first took off. The hare had won, but the pineapple still sat at his starting point, and had not even budged.

The animals ate the pineapple.

Here are two of the questions:

1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?

a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to

2. Who was the wisest?

a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl

This is a ridiculous questions and a lot depends on this test and tests like it. Teachers can lose there jobs if students do to bad on the tests. This test was said to be filled with stupid questions like this and a lot of people are mad about this.
On the other hand I want to know what drugs the test makers are on because that has to be good stuff. I so want to win a ninja and free tooth-paste.

So, What do you think about this question and/or how would you answer the question?

I would have to say (d) they wanted to and (b)the moose who pointed out that pineapples don't have sleeves.

 

[aprildog18]

I read this somewhere.
1. D They were hungry (do you eat people just because you are mad at them?)
2. A The hare (I would be running away from a talking pineapple too).

 

[Loop Stricken]

What in the name of Greek buggery did I just read?!

That's got to be one of the grandest piles of wank I've read since leaving 4chan.
Also, where the fuck is the owl in the story?

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

Clearly the answers are c and a. (c) because that is the only reason anyone eats, if one is to look back far enough, and (a) because the hare was wise enough to know how to gamble his way into winning a ninja and a lifetime supply of toothpaste. These questions are so obvious. What are they teaching kids these days that would lead to people actually wondering whether or not they know the answer to such simple questions.

 

[Keoul]

That's an exam question?! who wrote that! it looks like some ex-student wrote it! don't they have extracts from proper books anymore?

 

[Loop Stricken]

That's an exam question?! who wrote that! it looks like some ex-student wrote it! don't they have extracts from proper books anymore?

Don't they have questions that contain enough information to give a definite answer without ascribing the subject's own morality and ethics to a bunch of magical talking animals?

Fucking hell America, sort your shit out.

 

[Naheal]

What in the name of Greek buggery did I just read?!

That's got to be one of the grandest piles of wank I've read since leaving 4chan.
Also, where the fuck is the owl in the story?

I've got a feeling that you're going to be my new favorite person on Off-Topic both for voicing my thoughts, but putting them in such an amusing manner that I wouldn't be able to voice my opinions in any other way.

 

[Loop Stricken]

I'm not normally so outspoken, for my forum health meter is currently a festering servant of Papa Nurgle.

But this? THIS?
My jimmies have not only been rustled; they've been poached, their precious ivory crudely hacked away, their gonads ripped from their hefty leatherette sacks, and left to exsanguinate and rot in the dry savannah heat, where they shall become a feast for the black-hearted carrion birds of the sand.

Fucking Hell, this is nonsense!

[sub]For the record, I'd like to point out that being British and largely ignorant, I don't know what age your 8th grade encompasses.[/sub]

 

[Solo-Wing]

... Are this realz?

Dear god it feels like my grasp on reality is slipping. What is real? What isn't? Do we exist? if so how do we prove it? But I do know something that shouldn't exist if we do. THE PERSON WHO WROTE THAT QUESTION.

Now if you excuse me I am going to repeatedly smash my head on a wall till the world makes sense.

 

[TechNoFear]

(a) because the hare was wise enough to know how to gamble his way into winning a ninja and a lifetime supply of toothpaste.

And how is the hare going to claim it's ninja and toothpaste from a now digested pineapple?

If the hare can not claim the prize then it ran all that way for nothing, not overly wise.

You could possibly argue the pineapple's demise could have been prevented if the hare had not agreed to the race.

As to the others...

The crow failed to understand the pineapple's perspective, and only used his own, so not wise.

The moose clearly failed to understand the difference between the literal and metaphoric (which could be excused in a world of talking, immobile pineapples...).

So clearly the wisest animal is the owl, mainly because it was not involved in the whole fiasco / story / watching an immobile pineapple for hours.

 

[Solo-Wing]

[sub]For the record, I'd like to point out that being British and largely ignorant, I don't know what age your 8th grade encompasses.[/sub]

12 to 14 year olds. Depending on when they were admitted to school and birthdays and all that noise.

 

[Loop Stricken]

So clearly the wisest animal is the owl, mainly because it was not involved in the whole fiasco / story / watching an immobile pineapple for hours.

But by not being involved in the question, the owl might not have even existed.
The owl might've been three miles away impaled on a sharp stick trap that a mouse laid for it, because the owl is stupid.
Without any information, we cannot know.

I postulate the owl is the trick answer; not only because owls are commonly associated with wisdom so anyone skimming the text and choosing the owl will naturally, and erroneously, assume the owl is the wisest, but because it's not in the fucking question whatsoever.

Also, the pineapple only spoke to the hare, and it spoke nonsense. Perhaps the pineapple was not, in fact, magically sapient, and the hare is just a nutter.

But how many 14 year olds are going to think about this fucking ridiculous question in so deep a manner?!

 

[Revnak_v1legacy]

(a) because the hare was wise enough to know how to gamble his way into winning a ninja and a lifetime supply of toothpaste.

And how is the hare going to claim it's ninja and toothpaste from a now digested pineapple?

If the hare can not claim the prize then it ran all that way for nothing, not overly wise.

You could possibly argue the pineapple's demise could have been prevented if the hare had not agreed to the race.

As to the others...

The crow failed to understand the pineapple's perspective, and only used his own, so not wise.

The moose clearly failed to understand the difference between the literal and metaphoric (which could be excused in a world of talking, immobile pineapples...).

So clearly the wisest animal is the owl, mainly because it was not involved in the whole fiasco / story / watching an immobile pineapple for hours.

Ah, but at no point does the pineapple claim that they will get their toothpaste and ninja from each other. The prize likely was attained from a third-party.

 

[Freechoice]

What in the name of Greek buggery did I just read?!

That's got to be one of the grandest piles of wank I've read since leaving 4chan.
Also, where the fuck is the owl in the story?

Greek buggery kicked ass, dude. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Band_of_Thebes]

Also, this story was tits. Better than the shit on the SAT I had to read through.

Fuck, it's better than the shit I have to read for English.

 

[Vanitas likes Bubbles]

That question was deep man. Like, the moose and stuff man. It is all like a conspiracy man by the government.

Seriously though, what kind of dipshit writer thinks of that?

 

[BreakfastMan]

I don't even...

That has got to be the most poorly thought out, stupid thing I have ever read. Aren't there people who, you know, actually read the questions on the test before they give it to kids? Maybe that would be a good idea? :/

 

[Loop Stricken]

Greek buggery kicked ass, dude. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Band_of_Thebes]

Oh, I have nothing particularly against either Greeks or buggery. Just so we're clear.

 

[evilneko]

I honestly read and paid attention to the story (which, mind you, reads like a bad fanfic) expecting the questions to be something I could easily glean from the story. I expected the usual tricks of asking about something minor, just to make sure you were paying attention, or something which required maybe a modicum of thought.

This, however... makes no sense at all.

 

[Xan Krieger]

1. c It's free pineapple and pineapple is delicious
2. a The hare was the wisest because he was able to find the drugs that caused him to hallicunate that the pineapple was talking to him.