so me and my gf have been together for a while, 18 months this friday actually, and we've been close friends for years before. a few months ago she moved to Toronto for college (i live in an adjacent town an hour away), we both have our licenses but no cars so we rarely get to see each other, maybe once every week or 2. for the past 2 months we've been trying to talk to as much as we can over phone, skype, etc.
Finally last week she breaks it to me that she just wants to go back to being good friends for a while because she can't handle being in a long distance relationship right now on top of school. she feels that we never get to see each other, and that there's some expectation that we always have to make each other feel better. she feels that if we stay together and things keep going the way they are, we're going to break up. my fear is, taking a break like this, talking less, and abandoning the whole idea WILL make us break up and make things worse.
after our talk i had gone to her dorm to visit her for halloween. we talked it over and i thought shit was worked out. we had basically reached the conclusion that we dont need a break. we hung out, did things together, even ended up having sex. two days after i had gone home i skyped with her and she broke into tears saying she cant keep doing this and that she NEEEDS this break. i told her i need a few days to let all of this sink in and think it over. we talked on sunday, im probably going to talk to her tomorrow about this. she's explained all of this a million times to me but i still cant understand it, especially because she doesnt even know what she needs and keeps flip-flopping what she says.
it got so bad with her flipping her position i didnt speak to her for 3 days because i couldnt take all the mixed signals. finally we skyped a few nights ago. she seems cheery and eager to talk to me, giving me the goo-goo constantly throughout the conversation and even saying she still adores me, but still saying she doesnt know what she needs. after a whole conversation of talking as "just friends" i feel more confused than ever. today in particular i feel especially like shit because today would've been 18 months together (literally not an anniversary by any stretch of the word, but i was still going to mail her a present which is just sitting my closet gathering dust now)
thing is, the conditions of the break are basically that we dont do anything physical, or even really relationship oriented, but we are still loyal to each other and we still hang out. we arent on bad terms, she's just very stressed and doesnt know what she needs, and this really worries me. in a month shes coming home for holidays and we'll get to spend all of december together, but i dont know where we will be by then. she swears this isn't a break up and that she still loves me but at the same time shes saying she cant be with me right now.
i'm hurting real bad, escapists. what do i do?
Finally last week she breaks it to me that she just wants to go back to being good friends for a while because she can't handle being in a long distance relationship right now on top of school. she feels that we never get to see each other, and that there's some expectation that we always have to make each other feel better. she feels that if we stay together and things keep going the way they are, we're going to break up. my fear is, taking a break like this, talking less, and abandoning the whole idea WILL make us break up and make things worse.
after our talk i had gone to her dorm to visit her for halloween. we talked it over and i thought shit was worked out. we had basically reached the conclusion that we dont need a break. we hung out, did things together, even ended up having sex. two days after i had gone home i skyped with her and she broke into tears saying she cant keep doing this and that she NEEEDS this break. i told her i need a few days to let all of this sink in and think it over. we talked on sunday, im probably going to talk to her tomorrow about this. she's explained all of this a million times to me but i still cant understand it, especially because she doesnt even know what she needs and keeps flip-flopping what she says.
it got so bad with her flipping her position i didnt speak to her for 3 days because i couldnt take all the mixed signals. finally we skyped a few nights ago. she seems cheery and eager to talk to me, giving me the goo-goo constantly throughout the conversation and even saying she still adores me, but still saying she doesnt know what she needs. after a whole conversation of talking as "just friends" i feel more confused than ever. today in particular i feel especially like shit because today would've been 18 months together (literally not an anniversary by any stretch of the word, but i was still going to mail her a present which is just sitting my closet gathering dust now)
thing is, the conditions of the break are basically that we dont do anything physical, or even really relationship oriented, but we are still loyal to each other and we still hang out. we arent on bad terms, she's just very stressed and doesnt know what she needs, and this really worries me. in a month shes coming home for holidays and we'll get to spend all of december together, but i dont know where we will be by then. she swears this isn't a break up and that she still loves me but at the same time shes saying she cant be with me right now.
i'm hurting real bad, escapists. what do i do?
