The horrid tech-vocabulary of people who are not tech-savvy

[Queen Michael]

I have noticed that when people who lack computer experience talk about tech matters, they tend to use words in the wrong way or simply make up their own tech words and assume everybody understands what they mean. For instance, my mother's new husband does not use the word "install". Instead, he says "onload". He also believes that the word "online" means "socially acceptable". My mother thinks iPod is a word referring to all mp3-players.
What are your horror stories of inappropriate tech vocabulary?

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

"Socially acceptable"? Wow, what time period does he come from? The future!

Even my technologically retarded parents can understand basic words like "install".

You mother's new husband scares me.

 

[Sir Kemper]

I'm actually not tech savvy...

but I don't fucking say "Onload"...

Also this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8rKFtmlVvY

 

[Aurora219]

No, this is really widespread. It annoys the hell out of me.

The IPod being a general term for any MP3 player is quite common. I tell people I have a Sony NW-HD3 and they ask me if it's an IPod. Sigh.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

 

[Lullabye]

*groans*
It reminds me of the mother from Pure Pwnage.
*shivers*
Thankfully, my parents are quite tech savvy. Far more than I ever will be. I like to think that I'm not a complete failure at tech vocabulary and understanding though.

 

[Davrel]

I wouldn't call it a horror story, but I've had frustrating moments with people confusing memory and HDD capacity.

And explaining over the phone to a non-tech-savvy mate exactly how to build a PC/and why his attempts had failed to work.

 

[Queen Michael]

Another quote from momsnewhusband: "Is Wii Xbox?"

 

[Snownine]

I have noticed that when people who lack computer experience talk about tech matters, they tend to use words in the wrong way or simply make up their own tech words and assume everybody understands what they mean. For instance, my mother's new husband does not use the word "install". Instead, he says "onload". He also believes that the word "online" means "socially acceptable". My mother thinks iPod is a word referring to all mp3-players.
What are your horror stories of inappropriate tech vocabulary?

I am technologically retarded but even to me he sounds like he might be literally retarded. Is he 200 years old?

 

[captainwolfos]

My dad's a computer-based engineer. It's so cool.

But anyway, probably the least tech-savvy people are the least nerdy of my friends, and I think it's kinda sad that I can actually laugh at them for not having any idea what I'm talking about when talking tech. It's so much fun XD

 

[LiftYourSkinnyFists]

A 4GB HDD and a Terra of RAM ftw amiright?

off topic however; Floppy drives.

I get this a lot, I'm doing an IT degree and have been an enthusiastic amateur for years. I love it when people don't know where stuff is installed, that's my favourite. They think stuff is magically installed to a secret folder, they have no idea how their filesystem works. My other firm favourite is whining that their computer is breaking down slowly, what it inevitably is is the 30 odd media players they've installed all starting when windows does.

Ooh, no! my favourite is when a computer stops responding and they hit the screen! The screen's still working backbirth, it's showing the error message.

Oh, and when people look unimpressed when you're fixing the registry because Hollywood has taught them that using computers well is hitting keys really fast, most of fixing software mistakes is reading and not writing.

Hollywood made hitting keys really fast the image of hacking.

 

[Erana]

Well, there was one girl who just now found out that its 6, not 5 that's normally at the bottom of the analogue clock face, if that counts.

But still, I find This [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/ir/jo/cd/21372-top-15-stupidest-izzyisms] very relevant.

 

[direkiller]

ones that went around my house at one point

how do i upload an email -mom trying to send an email
how do i stick something to an email- mom trying to attach something to an email
torrent that sounds like a virus -dad (idk)

Not exactly tec wrong but stupid things my famly have done

the firewall will stop everything-my dad before i took admin off his account for disabling the virus software

The keyboard doesn't like me- my little sister switched around the keys so my mother thought the keyboard hated her when she was the only one in the house that was not able to type

 

[Diligent]

My mom refers to anything that happens on her computer as downloading. Installing something? "I want to download this." Uploading a picture to e-mail? "I want to download this to my email." Inserting a USB flash drive? "I downloaded the stick..."

But my dad is the undisputed captain of nonsense tech vocabulary. Once my friend and I were discussing building a new computer and my dad popped into the conversation with, "Yeah, you gotta watch those motherports and diodes." To this day my friend brings it up as an in joke.

And more recently, when I bought my latest PC and was telling him about it he predicted the future of computer technology with a very thoughtfully stated, "You know, I think in the next 10, 15 years, everything will be LED."

 

[TimeLord]

My mother thinks iPod is a word referring to all mp3-players.

So did my mum, I soon educated her when she bought herself an iPod

 

[Queen Michael]

I have noticed that when people who lack computer experience talk about tech matters, they tend to use words in the wrong way or simply make up their own tech words and assume everybody understands what they mean. For instance, my mother's new husband does not use the word "install". Instead, he says "onload". He also believes that the word "online" means "socially acceptable". My mother thinks iPod is a word referring to all mp3-players.
What are your horror stories of inappropriate tech vocabulary?

I am technologically retarded but even to me he sounds like he might be literally retarded. Is he 200 years old?

Not that I know. He just has a habit of making up his vocabulary as he goes along. And not in the good, Skank Zero Hopeless-Savage-style, way either. I remember once where, in an e-mail, he confused two words. The English translation would go as follows: He intended to write "Requesting a quick reply", but instead he wrote "Sequestering a quick reply".

 

[robakerson]

(after 30 minutes of describing the difference between microsoft word & windows notepad)

Me: "so just right click on the desktop and click 'new --> microsoft word document'."
Mom: "ok I did that and nothing happened."

Me: (???) "Nothing happened? if you did what I said then there's a new document on your desktop. It will be called "New Microsoft Office Word Document"."
Mom: "Yeah that icon is there but when I open it it has some stuff from something I did before. Why does the new document have old stuff in it?"

Me: "Is it (description of the last time I had this conversation with her) that stuff?"
Mom: "Yeah, how did you know?"

Me: "The new document you *just* created should still be called NMOWD, but it will have a '2' after it, in parentheses."
Mom: "Yeah, like I said, there's nothing like that on my desktop"

Me: (wtf is she doing?) "ok, click somewhere random on your desktop then keep clicking 'n' on your keyboard until you find the new icon."
Mom: "do what? keep clicking 'n'?"

Me: "yes, just try it, you'll see what I mean."
Mom: "When I do that it cycles through some icons but I still don't have that one"
Me: "Ok... (directs her to the actual desktop folder), look for it in there."

(20 minutes later...)

Mom: "OH I found the file! it was behind my internet explorer the whole time!"
Me: *Sigh*
Mom: "How do I copy and paste again?"

 

[Scobie]

DELETED

 

[megalomania]

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

Oh My God! You can't do that you will overload the flux capacitor!