THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT TACONEWS!!!

[xaszatm]

Fellow Escapists, I'm sure you've all seen the new reports that have appeared in both the gaming and off-topic discussions. Many of you have just taken these writings to be mere satire, BUT NOT I!!! I, a person dedicated to finding the Truth and Scandal of every person, decided to dig deeper. And the truth, my fellow Escapists, is one that will truly blow you away.

First, take a look at his new avatar:

[img=http://cdn.escapistmagazine.com/media/global/images/library/deriv/792/792961.png]http://cdn.escapistmagazine.com/media/global/images/library/deriv/792/792961.png[/img]

Looks pretty standard, right? BUT GUESS AGAIN!!! Look what the Taco wears on his head. Some sort of hat thing that has three sides. But Taco's don't wear hats, so why did he put one on? Then I realize: he was giving us a clue to who he really was! Three sides...three sides...what else has three sides...

Spoiler: OF COURSE!

[img=http://www.nairaland.com/attachments/1573355_the-illuminati_jpeg890495712403ec5fef85b53b0a65a1ab]http://www.nairaland.com/attachments/1573355_the-illuminati_jpeg890495712403ec5fef85b53b0a65a1ab[/img]

TACO NEWS MUST BE ASSOCIATED WITH THE ILLUMINATI! Convinced of my righteousness, I looked for proof of my correct guess. And what did I find?

Spoiler: THIS DAMNING EVIDENCE!

[img=https://www.diigo.com/file/image/rcorabpzccqoabeadzberdbsor/The+Escapist+%3A+Forums+%3A+Off-topic+Discussion+%3A+Escapist+%3D+Illuminati%3F%3F.jpg]https://www.diigo.com/file/image/rcorabpzccqoabeadzberdbsor/The+Escapist+%3A+Forums+%3A+Off-topic+Discussion+%3A+Escapist+%3D+Illuminati%3F%3F.jpg[/img]

Look at that proof. It was easy. ...almost too easy. Wait, I realized, this could be a feint. Something made that only PsychicTaco wanted us to think while the truth remained barred from public eyes. That is when I realized:

[HEADING=1]PSYCHOTACO115 IS A GOD![/HEADING]

The evidence is all there. His casual attitude. The way he gives us glimses into alternate universes. Here, he basically admitted it.

[img=https://www.diigo.com/file/image/rcorabpzccqoacooqzberdcada/The+Escapist+%3A+Forums+%3A+Forum+Games+%3A+Screw+The+Rules.jpg]https://www.diigo.com/file/image/rcorabpzccqoacooqzberdcada/The+Escapist+%3A+Forums+%3A+Forum+Games+%3A+Screw+The+Rules.jpg[/img]

For who admits he is the law the the one great law himself. But he couldn't have rules alone. Others must have joined him. So now, I, having seen the true light, come to you now.

[HEADING=1]PRAISE BE TO THE ESCAPIST PANTHEON!!!

PRAISE BE TO PSYCHOTACO115: SEER OF ALL REALITIES

PRAISE BE TO DAYSTAR: ELDER GOD

PRAISE BE TO CARAMEL FRAPPE: COFFEE GOD

PRAISE BE TO FAPPY: CAT GOD

PRAISE BE TO VAULT101: REVIVED GOD[/HEADING]

These holy objects shall be our torch people and lead us to the Promised Land! A land where we all smile. A land where Brovengers and Injustice Gang hold hands in pieces. A land where all dreams come true! JOIN US BROTHERS AND SISTERS! JOIN US IN WONDER AS WE ACCEPT PSYCHOTACO115 AS YOUR NEW GOD AND SAVIOR!

 

[tippy2k2]

I'm sorry but I can't accept Taco as my God as I have already accepted L. Ron Hubbard as my personal Lord and Savior.

Good luck with your false religion heathens! I for one am going to...what the hell am I supposed to believe in? They won't tell me yet because I haven't been able to provide the $100,000 fee for the intro course.

 

[shrekfan246]

I mean, as far as gods go I think Taco is only on the realm of Hermes.

As for the war between the Brovengers and Injustice League (is it Gang now?), a friendly agreement was brokered a long time ago when the scourge of Sarkeesian came upon us and we found that our powers separated would never be enough to fight it back.

Unfortunately, even the combined might has proven to not be enough, it seems.

[sub][sub]By the by, I love the fact that I'm still not notable. I know my posting rate on the forums varies rather wildly from month to month and I largely don't make interesting posts, but it's still a very interesting thing to note. Most people seem to think that simply having a large post count is enough. Also, even though this is a silly thread I'm still going to specify that my post was a joke.[/sub][/sub]

 

[Euryalus]

I feel like there was copious amounts of boredom, caffeine, and or heavy drugs involved in the making of this thread... Also you forgot the great old ones of Furburt, Max the reaper, and demented teddy!

 

[Vault101]

I can neither confirm nor deny my status as a God

if asked however I will say yes....as it is aparently the rules

 

[MysticSlayer]

What?...What is this blasphemy! Everyone knows that there is but one god:

And of all places for you to speak such blasphemy, it had to be in the great Jim Sterling's temple!

But look, I understand. You were confused by the true meaning of the phrase, "Thank God for me!" You see, there is no reason to thank God for anyone but God, and since the great and magnificent Jim would never tell us to do something so illogical as tell us to expect God to accept thanks for anything but thanks to him, we must conclude that Jim is God!

So repent! Stop worshipping these mere (yet great) prophets as if they were gods themselves. And if you must, don't do it in the temple of the great Jim Sterling. For while Jim may be merciful, his wrath can be great, and the last thing you want to do is end up on the Jimquisition being shouted down for your blasphemy and ignorance.

And always remember to thank God for Jim!...Or should I say, thank Jim for Jim!

 

[Euryalus]

I mean, as far as gods go I think Taco is only on the realm of Hermes.

As for the war between the Brovengers and Injustice League (is it Gang now?), a friendly agreement was brokered a long time ago when the scourge of Sarkeesian came upon us and we found that our powers separated would never be enough to fight it back.

Unfortunately, even the combined might has proven to not be enough, it seems.

[sub][sub]By the by, I love the fact that I'm still not notable. I know my posting rate on the forums varies rather wildly from month to month and I largely don't make interesting posts, but it's still a very interesting thing to note. Most people seem to think that simply having a large post count is enough.[/sub][/sub]

If there was an informal name change, then I'm just as confused as you! xD

Also lol at your envy of the forum celebs

 

[shrekfan246]

Also lol at your envy of the forum celebs

I wouldn't call it "envy" so much as "amused social experiment".

I would actually try to make notable posts more often if I were envious, for example.

And since I know I'm not a funny person (I don't think I grew up with a traumatizing enough childhood), it would be a terrible idea for me to try that.

 

[Marter]

*CTRL+F "Marter."
*No results found*

How dare you take other gods before Me?

I mean, Taco's Illuminati, sure, but, like, Daystar? A god? Ha!

 

[Skatologist]

I just like how PsychicTaco and a lot of you guys are self parodying the site, it's so wonderful to essentially laugh at ourselves and our peers. It brings a smile to my face.

 

[Euryalus]

Also lol at your envy of the forum celebs

I wouldn't call it "envy" so much as "amused social experiment".

I would actually try to make notable posts more often if I were envious, for example.

And since I know I'm not a funny person (I don't think I grew up with a traumatizing enough childhood), it would be a terrible idea for me to try that.

If you're as bad at jokes as you say, then you could become a pariah! The hated devil of the pantheon? xD

 

[shrekfan246]

Also lol at your envy of the forum celebs

I wouldn't call it "envy" so much as "amused social experiment".

I would actually try to make notable posts more often if I were envious, for example.

And since I know I'm not a funny person (I don't think I grew up with a traumatizing enough childhood), it would be a terrible idea for me to try that.

If you're as bad at jokes as you say, then you could become a pariah! The hated devil of the pantheon? xD

Being infamous for killing jokes isn't necessarily how I'd choose to be known.

Not that we ever really get to choose what we're known for.

 

[xaszatm]

I mean, as far as gods go I think Taco is only on the realm of Hermes.

As for the war between the Brovengers and Injustice League (is it Gang now?), a friendly agreement was brokered a long time ago when the scourge of Sarkeesian came upon us and we found that our powers separated would never be enough to fight it back.

Unfortunately, even the combined might has proven to not be enough, it seems.

[sub][sub]By the by, I love the fact that I'm still not notable. I know my posting rate on the forums varies rather wildly from month to month and I largely don't make interesting posts, but it's still a very interesting thing to note. Most people seem to think that simply having a large post count is enough. Also, even though this is a silly thread I'm still going to specify that my post was a joke.[/sub][/sub]

[HEADING=1]PRAISE BE TO SHREKFAN246: THE LATE GOD[/HEADING]

Spoiler: Secret God Talk

sorry, I just picked to first couple of posters at the top of my head

 

[xaszatm]

*CTRL+F "Marter."
*No results found*

How dare you take other gods before Me?

I mean, Taco's Illuminati, sure, but, like, Daystar? A god? Ha!

AH! But Mod's are the messengers, ones who soil their hands so the gods can remain clean. You are the wonder to his holy taco. PRAISE BE TO HIM!!!

 

[shrekfan246]

I mean, as far as gods go I think Taco is only on the realm of Hermes.

As for the war between the Brovengers and Injustice League (is it Gang now?), a friendly agreement was brokered a long time ago when the scourge of Sarkeesian came upon us and we found that our powers separated would never be enough to fight it back.

Unfortunately, even the combined might has proven to not be enough, it seems.

[sub][sub]By the by, I love the fact that I'm still not notable. I know my posting rate on the forums varies rather wildly from month to month and I largely don't make interesting posts, but it's still a very interesting thing to note. Most people seem to think that simply having a large post count is enough. Also, even though this is a silly thread I'm still going to specify that my post was a joke.[/sub][/sub]

[HEADING=1]PRAISE BE TO SHREKFAN246: THE LATE GOD[/HEADING]

Spoiler: Secret God Talk

sorry, I just picked to first couple of posters at the top of my head

XD

Spoiler

I realize how it sounds, but I actually wasn't kidding with being amused. There used to be a lot of people who got really hung up by the post count of people on the forums, like having five digits meant you were some kind of special deity who was palling around with the moderators all day long and thus became untouchable by the rules that constantly smacked down the little guys.

Haven't really seen many people like that lately, but they could've just been lost in the wave of SJW and anti-SJW stuff that has washed over this website the past few years.

 

[Skatologist]

@xaszatm: No fair, i want to be a god! Can i at least get demigod status or do i have to earn my rankings?

 

[xaszatm]

What?...What is this blasphemy! Everyone knows that there is but one god:

And of all places for you to speak such blasphemy, it had to be in the great Jim Sterling's temple!

But look, I understand. You were confused by the true meaning of the phrase, "Thank God for me!" You see, there is no reason to thank God for anyone but God, and since the great and magnificent Jim would never tell us to do something so illogical as tell us to expect God to accept thanks for anything but thanks to him, we must conclude that Jim is God!

So repent! Stop worshipping these mere (yet great) prophets as if they were gods themselves. And if you must, don't do it in the temple of the great Jim Sterling. For while Jim may be merciful, his wrath can be great, and the last thing you want to do is end up on the Jimquisition being shouted down for your blasphemy and ignorance.

And always remember to thank God for Jim!...Or should I say, thank Jim for Jim!

AH! But Jim is a God holier than other gods. All gods do give thanks to Jim daily, but he is too powerful for mere mortal men. PsychicTaco115 and other like him, on the other hand, speak to us plebeians regularly , allowing us to be truly affected by their wonderful figures.

 

[Euryalus]

Not that we ever really get to choose what we're known for.

Truer words... though I guess if you try then the weird things are easy to stick xD

New social experiment. I'm just gonna make a shit ton of poop jokes. See if people start to hate me for it xD

 

[xaszatm]

@xaszatm: No fair, i want to be a god! Can i at least get demigod status or do i have to earn my rankings?

ONE JUST DOES NOT ASK TO BECOME A GOD! TO EVEN GRACE THEIR VERY PRESENCE, ONE MUST SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO THE DEADLIEST OF TORTURES. ONLY THEN CAN THEY EVEN LOOK AT THEIR FEET! ONLY THOSE WHO POSSESSES A HIGH POST COUNT CAN EVEN BEGIN TO CONTEMPLATE DEMI-HOOD!

Spoiler