There's this girl...

[KissmahArceus]

Hi, I am in a stable relationship and have been for nearly 5 years with a sweet, beautiful, loving girl. Been living together for nearly 2 yrs.
In that time I've never even thought about other women but recently...
There's this girl at work, lets call her E. E is similar to my girlfriend in some ways (cute, funny, easy to talk with etc) but in other ways she's not. She's more outgoing and spontaneous, she's.. different.
We get on really well and talk alot, innocent stuff, not too flirty.
I find myself thinking about E more and more, we work together which makes it worse.
I'm a rational guy and I think it's just a crush or something but I'm scared that if E and I ever were alone and the opportunity arose.. I'm scared I'm too weak and I'd give in to desire and make a mistake that could ruin my life.

I'm looking for some advice from anyone who has been where I am.

 

[Vegosiux]

Having a crush isn't bad. Looking at other women isn't bad. As long as you know where the line is, and do not cross it. I'm not sure how to say this without coming across as condescending, but, in the end, "One thing led to another" is not an excuse. "I was weak" is not an excuse. And going through such scenarios in your head is most definitely not a good thing. You can't "plan" for such occasion, you can't "plan" what you're going to say and how you'll resist the temptation. You simply have to have your act together and think with your brain.

And, no I'm no saint, I've "jumped the fence" too, while my relationship at the time was already unsalvageable, granted, but I still caused my ex a lot of pain with it, and I'm not proud of it at all. The old saying "The grass is greener on the other side" is quite true, but it works in reverse as well, once you're on that side and look back.

It's a process you need to get through; relationships are not about love and sunshine as much as they are about compromise, trust and committment. And once you put a dent into that trust, it becomes really, really difficult to fix. Doesn't even need to involve a third person, if you don't give you partner the feeling that they can rely on you, then your relationship will become problematic.

Again, I apologize for the maybe a bit of a harsh tone, I just don't know how to put it more mildly.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Agreed. You can look, just don't touch.
I'm sure if it came down to it, the respect you have for your girlfriend will overpower any sexual desire, keep that in mind.
What if E doesn't like you? You go to hit on her, she turns you down, tells your girlfriend who then leaves you? You'll end up losing everything and gain nothing in the long run.
Of course that's the worst case scenario and is unlikely to happen but it's possible.

I know from experience how much messier a break up is with someone when you live with them when you've found someone else.
It's needless stress, but if it makes you happier in the future then go for it, I suppose.

If you aren't happy with your girlfriend, break up with her first then make your move on this girl. Don't let her suffer the pain of being cheated on.
If you are happy, don't think about cheating on her. Fancying someone is fine but don't let it overtake your relationship.

Remember: You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

 

[Foolery]

Sounds like some good advice to me from the other posts. Simply put, if you love someone, don't fuck someone else. That's not cool. Crushes are ok. Just don't act on them. That's been my rule, and it's worked out well.

 

[Abomination]

I take it you live with your girlfriend of 5 years?

If that's the case do you ever need to leave town for work related issues? Scheduling one of those to coincide with a romp with your new squeeze is the best alibi-provided cover a working man can muster.

Oh, that's not the type of advice you were after?

I'd suggest talking to her about your girlfriend in a positive manner. Try and bring the fact you're in a relationship up with her as part of a conversation. It tends to reinforce both your own commitment and set a tone for a truly platonic relationship.