I'll ignore what you just said to focus on the topic.
Religion. It took me years and years of trying to figure out whether a God existed or not to realize it didn't matter to me. I had no use for god.
Shortly after, emotions I'd never felt before started popping up, and I started forming much deeper bonds with other people. That screwed me up again, because I started having to introduce other people into what I'd previously defined as a purely personal thing. At that point, I decided that, myself aside, for the sake of the people I care about I hope that a reasonable god and an afterlife exist. I didn't care if that meant I would need to go to hell(or some such thing).
That wasn't the end though, it was purely on a theoretical basis, just an idea. But earlier today I had a dream, in which someone I deeply care about died. In the dream, I finally put that theory into practice. I could not stand the thought of the person being gone forever, not from my life but from existence in general. I literally could not. When they died, I died. The being I was before could not survive past it. It was only a dream, but the pain of that was still enough that it threw my entire belief system into question. All my logical stuff no longer matters, if existence merely ends when we die, then I cannot last in this world. Not for myself, but for my friends, I need a god now. I will throw myself on the chance of it's existence, because none of it matters if there isn't one. I still have no reason to serve a god, but I'm forced to believe. I'm not strong enough to not believe anymore.
....Does this make me sensitive or something? Weird.
But yeah, biggest time sink and torment of my life. Just don't think about it, you'll spare yourself some trouble.
