Things you know how to do that you could never actually do?

[SimuLord]

Thanks to the fact that I worked at a bank for a little over a year, the anti-robbery training taught me where all the security holes are and essentially how to rob a bank and get away with it (although it's far from foolproof, otherwise I'd make a pretty good living robbing banks). Give me half a dozen reasonably competent people, let us form a gang, and I could easily teach them everything I learned about bank security and boom! Instant crime syndicate. Since the branch I worked at was robbed three times while I was there, I even have a pretty good insider's view of how the police conduct bank robbery investigations, and since two out of the three robbers were never caught, I even have firsthand experience with a successful bank robbery.

Thing is, I could never actually rob a bank. Besides the fact that there are certain moral event horizons my conscience won't let me cross, there's the added problem of how I would explain to my wife where all the money came from, and I couldn't exactly shoot her, nor could I swear her to silence and expect HER conscience to keep her from turning me in (except for her penchant for software piracy, she's a total goody-two-shoes about actual real brick-and-mortar goods theft, never mind organized crime.)

So I ask this of my fellow Escapists: What do you know how to do that you could never actually do? Build nuclear weapons? Rob banks? Fight off bad dudes with your army of president-kidnapping ninjas?

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I know how to give birth, but my Y-chromosome isn't wild about the idea.

 

[dontworryaboutit]

How to make a person's kneecap eject from their leg with my bare hands.

Also cause M.A.D. by visiting a UN Conference and taping 'Nuke Me' signs onto the backs of all the delegates.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I could probably shoot a man standing about 350 metres away with an off-the-shelf M16A2, properly sighted of course. But I have no desire to actually harm people unless I am left with no other choice, and my overwhelming sense of empathy keeps me wondering what it would be like to be in someone else's place in that sort of situation, so it's pretty unlikely that I'd ever end up on top of a belltower with a rifle and a grudge.

 

[Pandalisk]

How to survive a drop in an elevator in the empire state building... i hope...

The basterds wont let me use one though..

 

[cas]

I know it's just matter of defying the relatively small force that is gravity but I can't fly

 

[Tim Buck II]

I know how to give birth, but my Y-chromosome isn't wild about the idea.

Ha! Really?

EDIT: And by "really," I mean, "do you really know how to give birth?" Most people could figure that out, but some...

 

[Spleenbag]

I know how to make a Molotov cocktail in a variety of fashions, with varying degrees of safety to the user, but I'd never want to make one. Why would I? I read for knowledge, and whether I'll ever use it or not is another story.

 

[Trivun]

I know how to torture people in various disgusting ways the likes of which you've only seen on Hostel and Saw. I'm being serious here, as well. However, it's only my morals and the threat of jail that stop me, otherwise the bullies at my old school would need to be extremely cautious...

 

[Major_Sam]

I can hunt and kill animals (even humans?) but I never could. (archer)

 

[quiet_samurai]

I am fucking awesome at all games that involve aiming; bowling, pool, and darts. If theres a mark baby, I'll hit it!

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

I know the most efficient way to remove an ear, though unless someone is coming at me with the complete intention to kill me I don't think I'll ever rip someone's ear off.

 

[ix_tab]

I learnt how to cause someone intense, imobilising pain by placing pressure on a particular point in the body (lol it's not kicking someone in the junk either), but outside a life or death situation, I'd never use it.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

Make methamphetamine, methcathinone, MDA & derivatives, amphetamine etc.
Break into various makes of car & steal the radios
Make Chlorine gas, make phosgene gas.

 

[BANME111111]

I was told where exactly on a persons neck to apply pressure to, in order to cut off the oxygen flow to their brain. I'm not sure if the person(teacher) who told me was actually telling the truth. but I'm still not going to try.

 

[jasoncyrus]

Murder every-single-person on this forum&website.

Why cant i?: A) cant afford the assasins, b) cant afford the travel costs for a more personal touch, C) cant afford and cant carry that much in single penny coinage.

 

[darkless]

I can construct a rudimentary dining shelter with some logs and string.

I'm also a fairly competent shot with a bow and arrow.

 

[Berethond]

I've got a list.

1) Build a Hydrogen Bomb.

2) Rip someone's head off with my bare hands

3) Torture people like Trivun

I'll add some more later.