Think I might be falling for my best friend.

[MoNKeyYy]

Yeah, if you want the short version there it is in the title.

Here's the longer version. So I'm like best friends with this girl. I think she's awesome. I met her last year in drama class when we were paired to do a scene together. To me she'd always just been "That cute girl in drama, but that was the first time we really started talking or spending any amount of time together. Anyways, before long we started texting and stuff and hanging out and in a few months we were super close. At this point we're basically best friends. I feel like I can tell her almost anything and she's a great person to be around. She likes video games and she even played on our football team and we have everything in common. We're so close that since about march last year our friends have been bugging us about how we're in love and may as well be dating. No doubt if they ever saw this post and think "Ha I fucking called it". I actually have had feeling for her before, and she's had feelings for me, but all of 1 other person knows that. I've always loved her like a sister, but recently I've been feeling different. I feel like I actually have legitimate feelings for her. And it sucks.

As you can imagine I really value our friendship. Fucking it up over something like this is the last thing I want. I have no idea if she feels the same way, and I have no idea how she would react if I told her. I mean in my experience things like this can cause lots of problems. Besides that we've talked about this kind of stuff before in like a semi serious semi joking way but I don't know. I'd love to be with her but I don't know if it's worth our friendship.

SHORT VERSION: I'm falling in love with my best friend, I have no idea what to do and I'm hoping soemone can help. Thanks.

Anyways, I'm not even sure why I'm saying this. Quite honestly I don't think it'll affect anything. I guess I'm just clinging to the hope that someone will be able to say something or give me some advice so good that it brings me some peace of mind. I mean I know I'm not the first person who's experienced this. But yeah, if you think you can help I'd be much obliged.

EDIT: Thanks so much to everyone who's replied, I very much appreciate it. Also, I'd like to clarify that I'm not in love with her per say, that's just what I thought was the most concise phrase for my short version. I just think I have feeling for her that are more than friendship.

 

[Robert632]

Forget all that "don't want to ruin a good friendship" stuff. Trust me when I say this, you'll be even more torn up if you don't do anything and she starts dating someone else.

 

[drisky]

Well frist of you've got to go for the relationship, keeping yourself in someones friend zone without even trying isn't going to help you be happy. The important part is how you express your feelings. Pushing to hard all at once has a chance of alienating her, so express subtly that you like to try dating, rather than an over the top confession of love. That will start you on a relationship while causing the least amount of damage if she isn't interested.

 

[Hader]

snip

It may seem like you have a lot to lose, but don't blow it so out of proportion. It's not entirely bad to have feelings for her, from what you have said. You know, she could feel the same way.

If she is truly your best friend, I think she would understand no matter what. But without me rambling on too much about random things like that, let me say that I think what would be best to do would be to approach it mildly and slowly. What I mean is, you are comfortable around her as a friend, so use that well. Casually tell her that you kinda like her, and if she is okay with maybe taking things a bit further. You don't have to come across as urgent, nervous, or anything like that. Like this, you will just be casual and not mild, as in not sounding like you are pouring your heart out over it, but as something that has crossed your mind and that you trust her enough to at least talk about it. If she says yes, I think the aftermath is self explanatory. If she says no, or maybe, act casual about it still. I highly doubt her saying no is going to constitute the ending of a friendship just like that.

 

[Imp Poster]

If you can talk to her about anything so why not this? If you say that you guys are close already, passing over to the lovers side is what, a kiss away? See how that feels and where it takes you.

 

[Solemn Marth]

snip

I, my fellow eacapist, have been in the same position, but I never acted on it so...
I would suggest following what your heart is telling you to do, and from what I can tell by your story is that you are somewhat confused about what to do therefore seeking some sort of clearification if what you feel is okay. And the truth is, it is okay for it to happen. It's like this wise old man told me a year or two ago "if a girl and a guy spend enough time around each other, one will eventually fall for the other."
In short, if you feel like you should tell her do it in a subtle but creative way.

 

[Jamboxdotcom]

as others have already pointed out, you have to go for it. you'll always kick yourself if you don't. and i can tell you from experience that it's possible to have a relationship with a close friend and remain friends even if it doesn't work out. the key is both of you being mature and realizing that your friendship is worth keeping even if a romantic relationship doesn't work.

 

[spartan1077]

Well talking from zero experience here so don't listen to me fully.
First off, it's good you only love her as your sister and she's not actually your sister that you're in love with...<.< Okay seriously now!

You have to try and push into a relationship. Sure, you can ruin the friendship, but she may be scared of the same thing and not wanting to ruin your friendship! You said so yourself that she had feelings for you and who knows, maybe she still does and is worried that she's going to ruin the relationship if she admits it to you. Also, if she starts dating someone then you'd be heartbroken having to watch them walk around together and such. And remember, no matter what the rumors say, There is mutual breakups!!! You can date, break up and then still be friends afterwards. That time I was speaking from experience. Me and the only girl I've ever dated still talk. So in short, go for it.

EEK! I almost forgot the most important point in this whole argument! Make sure she likes you first. Take note of any physical touching during conversations, and drop hints that you may like her and see how she responds.

 

[superbatranger]

Forget all that "don't want to ruin a good friendship" stuff. Trust me when I say this, you'll be even more torn up if you don't do anything and she starts dating someone else.

This guy is right. Waiting too long will just hurt. I know. I waited too long to tell my best friend how I felt about her. Before I got the chance, I found out she had a boyfriend. She still does, in fact. Because of this, I got this idea in my head that I can never tell her. Having that happen just feels bad, ya know?

Just take that chance.

 

[FoxVI]

I went through the same situation (drama class and all) I didn't ask fast enough, and she started dating someone else. It was never the same after that. So I say go for it, but don't go for it all at once; I tried that too, and that fell right through.

 

[DiMono]

It seems like I'm taking up the popular position, but I think you should tell her. But whatever you do, don't just say "hey, I think I'm falling for you, want to go get a cheesecake?" Instead, phrase it as something like "you know I think we could be more than just friends? I think we should give it a shot." Don't use exactly that, just that kind of phrasing; put it as "more" rather than "love".

At least that's what I think.

 

[ExaltedK9]

Just go for it. No need to over-complicate anything. If you don't, you might regret it later. Besides, it sounds like the two of you are one step away from dating as it is.

 

[scorptatious]

I say just go for it. Even if you fail, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[Doctor What]

Sounds to me like you are in high school. I had the biggest crush on this girl since the first day I met her. We stayed good friends all through school. When it came time to graduate, we walked together and we confessed to each other.

Skip ahead 17 months. We've grown so apart, neither of us know who each other is. I'm sorry, but at this time in your life, you still have no idea who YOU are, let alone somebody you love. I'm not talking out of hurt, or because I'm jaded, but it's true. You are still too young to handle a serious relationship. If she just wants to take things slow and easy, then that's fine, but honestly, don't expect anything to come of it.

And if I'm completely wrong, then I'm sorry to have doubted how much you care for each other. If you expect a solid answer, then there is none. There never is with love, and there certainly never is with people. Just try your best, and if you always know who you are, then the people who really matter will always be with you.

 

[Hollock]

Not a rhetorical situation, this really happend. when I tried the same thing and failed, we stayed friends. Nothing changed. And honestly when I was questioning wether or not I should tell her I asked myself "what would the escapist say?". It will all work out if you just go for it.

 

[Tdc2182]

Forget all that "don't want to ruin a good friendship" stuff. Trust me when I say this, you'll be even more torn up if you don't do anything and she starts dating someone else.

This.

And probably everything anyone else says in this thread. Because the sad truth is, whatever you choose is going to be the wrong choice.

This same thing happened to me this year. Every single person thought we were dating. I waited to long to tell her anything, then it went downhill.

Now she has about 4 or 5 guys trying to date her. I am still her friend. And I hate her.

 

[Tdc2182]

Sounds to me like you are in high school. I had the biggest crush on this girl since the first day I met her. We stayed good friends all through school. When it came time to graduate, we walked together and we confessed to each other.

Skip ahead 17 months. We've grown so apart, neither of us know who each other is. I'm sorry, but at this time in your life, you still have no idea who YOU are, let alone somebody you love. I'm not talking out of hurt, or because I'm jaded, but it's true. You are still too young to handle a serious relationship. If she just wants to take things slow and easy, then that's fine, but honestly, don't expect anything to come of it.

And if I'm completely wrong, then I'm sorry to have doubted how much you care for each other. If you expect a solid answer, then there is none. There never is with love, and there certainly never is with people. Just try your best, and if you always know who you are, then the people who really matter will always be with you.

I don't know about this.

The key thing is, every single person is different.

I know a couple who were the best of friends in Elementary School. In 10th grade, the guy asked her out. They've been dating for nearly 2 years. I'm positive they are gonna marry each other.

Then again, I know best friends who have dated for a week and now it's rare to see them in the same room together.