Hello everyone. I am a senior in high school, going to college this Fall, and I want to change. I am tired of being unable to look people in the eye, being unwilling to even consider social events, of being an outcast. I've never even tried to ask a girl out.
The problem, I think, is environment. I have gone to a small Christian school (graduating class of 30) since seventh grade, and my class is basically unchanged. As is their perception of me. As a jerk, a gamer, and a wierdo. I don't blame them, I have done a lot to accentuate this, but I haven't had an opportunity to break that stigma and really change.
I'm sure several of you have gone through similar situations, and I would like to know: What should I do to become a socially functional human being?
Well, easiest answer would probably be try and use the change of socal environment in your new school in autumn to be a new person without the problem of having been known as a weird jerk for years.
gonna sound stupid but get yourself a job cold calling especially door to door if possible
odds are the extra cash can't hurt but trust me from experience getting constantly told to fuck off helps with rejection issues and trying to get a handful of words out before being told to fuck off helps with your social skills
Can i suggest maybe something along the lines of maybe something like Meetup? it did me the world of good.. its basically people in the same position as you in a lot of cases... either new to the city or a local.. just looking to get out to social events and make new friends.. and trust me many a time have a had people say to me how scary it was for them to first show up and get over the hump.. but once they started.. they never looked back! ... its a really good idea for meeting a lot of new people and getting out to things you might enjoy.. plus they have groups for EVERYTHING lol. www.meetup.com it was a godsend to me.. so maybe it could help you too!
Hello everyone. I am a senior in high school, going to college this Fall, and I want to change. I am tired of being unable to look people in the eye, being unwilling to even consider social events, of being an outcast. I've never even tried to ask a girl out.
The problem, I think, is environment. I have gone to a small Christian school (graduating class of 30) since seventh grade, and my class is basically unchanged. As is their perception of me. As a jerk, a gamer, and a wierdo. I don't blame them, I have done a lot to accentuate this, but I haven't had an opportunity to break that stigma and really change.
I'm sure several of you have gone through similar situations, and I would like to know: What should I do to become a socially functional human being?
Hey man, I suspect that if you could talk to a thousand other high school students you would realize that you are not alone. But you're going down a bad path because you're worrying about how you will be perceived. You're worrying about something that has yet to happen, and that may lead to behavior which will cause it to happen.
It reminds me of this one joke on The Onion about a rumored market crash, resulting in a market crash.
Worry instead about waking up on time and understanding the coursework.
The harsh truth, the terrible reality that you may encounter in college is: not many of your fellow students will care. College can be a very lonely place for a lot of kids. That's where the saying "Freshman 15" comes from. Kids are either so stressed from being lonely or constantly eating crap food that they gain weight. Also, there's the booze. God there's always so much booze. Don't do that by the way. It's the stupid ones that think college is supposed to be like the movie Animal House. It's not. The Simpsons made fun of it and they were right to do so. Kids go to college thinking they have to be wild drunks and it's only because that's how they think it should be. Fuck that noise. Save it for Spring Break (please drink responsibly). Be one of the kids who are there because they want to be there.
All you have to do is study. Look for fellow students with common interests and maybe you'll become friends. You will become your own person. And you won't have much trouble fitting in since you're into games. Look, there are too many kids in college trying to "find themselves". That's why psychology is such a common first-semester major.
Regarding your original thread, I find that humor works with women. Also, if you feel the need to refer to yourself as a loser, at least do it with a smile. Laugh while you're saying it. Make it your "N-word". Own it, but never believe it. Ever.
Confidence comes with patience and practice, start saying hello to people. Worst case scenario, they think you're weird. Nothing lost. After a while it gets easier and then you can start making friends with ease. A new environment will do you good. The same old situations can be depressing.
My big trick is what I like to call "lying to yourself." If you're anything like me than certain things like introducing yourself to others or whatever creates anxiety, so as a result you avoid the anxiety by avoiding unpredictable social interaction. I've learned to recognize the fears in my head are strictly internal, so I behave in public as if I were not afflicted with anxiety. Even though it feels unnatural, I'll behave in a socially respectable way and speak all those social niceties that allow us to make friends.
Once you go to college you'll be meeting people whose entire concept of you is based off of how you act in this new environment. Regardless of what kind of "loser" you feel like, just don't act like one. Act the way you want people to treat you, and pretty soon your new personality will stop being a "lie," and just be you.
Wow, glad to see these new responses. I do keep track of the world, even if I don't interact with it often. But, I do think I am getting better. Thank you all.
All of what fapper mentioned, except don't rely on alcohol as a confidence boost. a small buzz maybe, but if you depend on it too much, that's a highly dumb thing you'll do because then EVERYTIME you go out, you'll be "I need another drink to relax", then give it a few years and hello alcoholism.
I like lechat's idea, I was thinking something similar.
So one thing you need to try is force yourself to be extroverted even if that means making an ass of yourself... actually especially if that means making an ass of yourself. Go to a mall that you don't frequent away from people you know and go and have a few random conversations, you know those occasions where your go get something from a coffee shop and the barrista asks how your day is going make a conversation besides saying something like, " not bad". And it can't just be people you have to interact with to buy something, random people ESPECIALLY WOMEN. You'll probably say wow how could I have acted so awkward and guess what... absolutely no repercussions from any stupid comments.
Another thing that comes off the top of my head are those chat roulette sites, ignoring all the pornography you can have random conversations with who ever about anything and have conversations especially drunk people they are the funnest.
Another thing, stop the self hate and insecurity, it affects the way you act and how people perceive you. So what if your a severe introvert your trying to change that, that's a fault your trying to improve upon and while it might be odd it isn't amoral.
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