'Tis Madness!

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Geo Da Sponge

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May 14, 2008
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Those of you who have knowledge of the Red Alert series (or any command and conquer game, really) will know just how mad the whole thing is. Starting, of course with the over the top acting, then proceeding with weird units and fake science that would make Russel T. Davies blush. For some people, this has always been part of the charm, rolling their eyes knowingly at the total surrealness of it all.

But it seems Red Alert 3 wants to kick it up a notch...

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/38591.html

BAM!

It's insane. It's snooker-loopy. It's batshit bonkers.

I will always wonder about this. Starting with the various lieutenants who still haven't managed to do their tops up properly. It seemed pretty impractical in Red Alert 2, with Lt. Zofia creaking whenever she moved in her spandex catsuit, but at least it seemed like some kind of possible alternate-timeline thing. But now her replacement seems to have decided that she needs to save as much material as possible for the war effort. Maybe the Soviet army has a somewhat lax dress code.

Of course, this pales in comparison to the whole actor allocation. The cheese sure is thick on the ground here. No, I refuse to take Johnathan Pryce seriously as my superior in the command structure. And pause the linked video at 1:25. Apparently your assisstant in directing the full military force of America will be a ten year old girl. Seems like I will never run out of giggles when playing this, quoting the other roles the actors have been in. Oh yes, and could someone explain why they've hired a Marilyn Monroe look alike to play Tanya? Last time, she seemed more like a cheap knock off of Lara Croft, right down to the dual-wielding pistols. I just want to know where ahe found a hair curler.

Yes it's crazy, but it's infectious; ths game is being released on PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. And for whatever reason, I keep on getting the urge to buy it for the Xbox 360. "But GeoDaSponge!" I say to myself "That's insane! Even someone who's as much of a fanboy as you will recognise that playing an RTS on a console is like trying to read a book while wearing boxing gloves". As in, fine when you're just processing a single section or task, but when you try to do the next bit it all goes pear shaped.

My path of thought seems to be: Red Alert 3 is crazy, and aware of this. So therfore it should be played in the most crazy (yet aware) manner possible.

What do you think?
 

Cheesus333

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Aug 20, 2008
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The notion of Time Travel is ponderable. The notion of Cold-War Soviet Time Travel is laughable.

If I were them, I would use it to beat America to the Moon, or it will hang over their heads for ever.
 

Apocalypse Tank

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Aug 31, 2008
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Loved it since 1st red alert


Thus my name
and my icon

one thing bad about it though, the Apocalypse Tank dosen't look as formidable or powerful as before.

The secondary attack (gravity pull then grind) looks really badly designed, and the overall tank look kind of plasticy.
 

Geo Da Sponge

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Danny Ocean post=9.70795.703127 said:
Oh my god it's Long John Silver!
Hehe, I get that feeling too; once you get used to an actor in one role, you can't take them seriously in any other.

Actually, does anyone think other games should loosen up and be more like the Red Alert series, or is it too much?
 

Madshaw

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Jun 18, 2008
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It looks pretty good, and it seems that its not just the russian women who are trying to save cloth, thank christ none of the men think its a good idea
 

Tread184

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Feb 29, 2008
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RA2 was a great game, but the story and and deliberate campiness pisses me off. RA1 had a serious tone, it seemed like either genocide was discussed or someone died every cutscene and yet everyone tries to convince me that game is 'funny' too? Plus it was supposed to be the prequel to Tiberian Dawn...grrr...ok I'm done ranting.

Anyway, I looks really good.
 

Danny Ocean

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Jun 28, 2008
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meatloaf231 post=9.70795.703216 said:
Danny Ocean post=9.70795.703127 said:
Oh my god it's Long John Silver!
Smart as paint you are, smart as paint.
Arrhh Jim me lad..what'd I do without yuh, eh?

Watching the rest of that ad, I see there is also a famous Ninja.
I know! A Ninja and a Pirate..!
This game will be epic.
 

Ronmarru

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Aug 17, 2008
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So...they went back in time, shook hands with Einstain. I lasted up until the super fast submarine flew out the water and FLEW! I could be completely wrong here but, what's the point of being able to hide underwater if you can fly?
 

Geo Da Sponge

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May 14, 2008
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Danny Ocean post=9.70795.703305 said:
Watching the rest of that ad, I see there is also a famous Ninja.
I know! A Ninja and a Pirate..!
This game will be epic.
That could a new unit for the Japanese!

A robot ninja of some kind!

meatloaf231 post=9.70795.703065 said:
...

Next thing you know, we are gonna have moon lasers.

MOOOOOON LASERS!
You're too late. They had them in Red Alert 2: Yuri's Revenge. One of the Soviet missions is spent on the moon, and you get cosmonauts. Essentially Allied Rocketeers armed with lasers. On the moon. Moon lasers!
 

The Denzel

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Aug 7, 2008
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It's all part of the RA feel...

You've got the 1940-1960 ish feel to everything with wild science, the kinf of things that were thought of in comics in the 1930's ... it's awesome. Always liked the RA series better than all the other C&C's. Plus hardly anybody uses real video anymore, the closest was what? NFS Carbon?