Troubles with my girlfriend, Need to vent/get advice from somewhere.

[Deludedfool]

Hey all, I've been with my current girlfriend for 5 years next month (i'm only 21 so this is a pretty big achievement) however twice before we have split up for short amounts of time because she as I guess i can best describe it gets cold feet about how serious we are and doesnt think that we will be suited in the future.

This always ends up with us splitting up, both being depressed for a while before getting back together and then it'll be really good for another year or two before it happens again.

Shes recently expressed that she feels like it again and if we split up i'm not sure what to do, my heart will say wait about and hope she changes her mind again but my head says its a stupid idea as she wont ever change.

I also worry that if we split up again and get back my friends/family will chastise me for being an idiot as they questioned it last time we split up as well(i realise that this shouldn't affect anything really but its not easy having everyone tell you your wrong.

This compounded with the fact that Ive been unemployed for a few months has generally got me really down and makes it hard to judge my current events particularly well as if i lose her ill feel like i've lost everything (sounds so emo i know but what can you do lol)

So any advice/opinions, even if there not what i'd wanna hear this is more just so i can get it out of my head as I am currently keeping this to myself RL

 

[Zantos]

Hey all, I've been with my current girlfriend for 5 years next month (i'm only 21 so this is a pretty big achievement) however twice before we have split up for short amounts of time because she as I guess i can best describe it gets cold feet about how serious we are and doesnt think that we will be suited in the future.

This always ends up with us splitting up, both being depressed for a while before getting back together and then it'll be really good for another year or two before it happens again.

Shes recently expressed that she feels like it again and if we split up i'm not sure what to do, my heart will say wait about and hope she changes her mind again but my head says its a stupid idea as she wont ever change.

I also worry that if we split up again and get back my friends/family will chastise me for being an idiot as they questioned it last time we split up as well(i realise that this shouldn't affect anything really but its not easy having everyone tell you your wrong.

This compounded with the fact that Ive been unemployed for a few months has generally got me really down and makes it hard to judge my current events particularly well as if i lose her ill feel like i've lost everything (sounds so emo i know but what can you do lol)

So any advice/opinions, even if there not what i'd wanna hear this is more just so i can get it out of my head as I am currently keeping this to myself RL

Having a girlfriend that stresses you out like this isn't good for you. Relationships can't be all sunshine and unicorns, but you should be there to help each other and not cause this sort of tension. I had the opposite situation really, she was worried I'd leave her so would find every excuse under the sun to spend as much time with me as humanly possible. It led to the same situation you're in, that coupled with the normal everyday problems just got me really down. I ended up in counselling twice over the space of a year because of it.

This is not what I did, but this is what I know I should have done. Talk to her. Tell her that when she does this it upsets you and you don't think you can go through it again. Give her a chance to talk about problems she has with you too, it's a two way street man.

If she still wants to go through with it then you have a very difficult choice to make. If she still wants to put you through that then is it worth going back? Especially if you think she'll do it again in a year or two anyway. Breakups are always difficult and you're bound to miss the person, but if they're going to do that sort of thing to you repeatedly then it might be worth taking a break from the whole thing.

Maybe you'll meet someone new, who knows? I got really down after my last few breakups and did the whole get back together thing. I still miss the companionship and someone to love and cuddle, but now I'm going back into it, it feels a lot better to be meeting new girls rather than harping after the old ones. You're only 21, same as me, long time ahead, lot of new people to meet, if you're getting messed about like this it's a good opportunity to get on and ahead with everything to come. Even if you do decide you do love her and she's worth it, a bit of extra thinking time and some extra friends never hurt anyone.