Ways to tell a movie of any genre is going to be bad?

[Vrex360]

Right I've done a lot of threads about bad movies lately so I brough it upon myself now to make a thread detailing some basic guidelines as to how to spot a bad movie before you even have to watch it, of any genre. This can be anything from it's cast, premise, plot or director just anything about it that helps you know it's going to be terrible.
Let me give an example in the genre... comedy:
If the DVD has a white background and big red text on the front with cropped images of the teenage boy cast and girls with ludicously fake boobs behind them... it will suck.

So that's my example, what is one way you can tell a movie of any specific genre is going to be bad in the fist few minutes?

P.S only one mention of Uwe Boll, not including this one.

 

[Citrus]

Based on a videogame.

 

[puppydogvaan]

If it's any genre and has Keanu Reeves on the poster.

 

[superbleeder12]

american adaptation of a japanese horror movie.

cast include Mark Wahlberg.

 

[RebelRising]

Boasts of screenwriters of previous bad movies.

 

[megapenguinx]

Directed by Uwe Boll!
Also if it's straight to DVD release

 

[Vrex360]

Directed by Uwe Boll!
Also if it's straight to DVD release

Right there we go, Boll refereance, no one else can mention him now.

 

[Kermi]

If it's a "comedy" and has Owen Wilson or Will Ferrel in it.

 

[Disaster Button]

If they advertise competitions based on the movie on tv.

 

[manaman]

If it's any genre and has Keanu Reeves on the poster.

Good:

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
The Replacements
The Matrix

Possibly depending on your opinions:

Johnny Mnemonic
The Devil's Advocate
Constantine
B&T's and the matrix sequels.

Personally I would say anything directed by Uwe Boll is doomed to suck, and should it be a video game based movie it can only be worse.

 

[manaman]

Directed by Uwe Boll!
Also if it's straight to DVD release

Right there we go, Boll refereance, no one else can mention him now.

We can I did. The man is horrible incarnate, people need to stop encouraging him by seeing his crap.

 

[Calobi]

If its title is "X Movie" where X can be any genre or, as the newest one will prove, any word.

 

[hypothetical fact]

Try watching the reviews and trailers. E.G After watching the promo for GI Joe it will be horrible.

Edit: I have 1000 posts fear my newfound Gonzo powers!

 

[jozcoz]

Got a couple, both for any genre...

1) If McDonalds/Burger King make "toys" for the film

2) If they quote a review in Heat magazine in any ads for the film

 

[puppydogvaan]

If it's any genre and has Keanu Reeves on the poster.

Good:

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
The Replacements
The Matrix

Possibly depending on your opinions:

Johnny Mnemonic
The Devil's Advocate
Constantine
B&T's and the matrix sequels.

Personally I would say anything directed by Uwe Boll is doomed to suck, and should it be a video game based movie it can only be worse.

I actually liked Constantine a lot, but that doesn't change the fact that the man is a bad actor. He was good in the Matrix, but that's because the script actually called for him to act stiff and self-concious. The other movies I haven't seen.

OT:If it describes itself as "epic" it never is.

 

[Glerken]

If it's any genre and has Keanu Reeves on the poster.

I have to kill you now.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is the best movie ever made.
Excellent!

 

[Fallswhale]

The reviewer(whom you have never heard of before) describes it as a "Jaw dropping, thrill ride" or "Laugh out loud funny" or "an instant classic".

Alternatively if you recognize three or more actors from a previous schloock fest of the same genre.

 

[TaborMallory]

Movies usually suck if they reveal a lot in the previews. Think about it, if the movie tries its hardest to hook viewers, it probably sucks. And usually does.
The same principle applies for comedy movies if they show too many jokes.

Also, the damn critics are always saying it's the best movie in existence. Whenever they rave, one could guess it's exaggerated.

 

[Calobi]

1) If McDonalds/Burger King make "toys" for the film

What about the new Star Trek. I liked that movie and Burger King has glasses and toys of it. Also, the Lord of the Ring movies had glasses and toys from McDonald's. In fact, all the movies I can remember that had toys of them at fast food places were pretty good.